bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №103645
 04.10.2014
In Thailand there is absolutely everything that can be invented, and what cannot be invented also exists.
YYY: Just not there.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №103644
 04.10.2014
She married a foreigner and went to him. While the case was closed, I regularly communicated with him via Skype. And one evening she sat with her girlfriend and decided to introduce her to her future husband. Includes Skype and video. The foreigner sits alone, and on this side there are five people: a friend, her friend, a friend’s husband and two children. Everyone goes into the camera. The stranger sneezed and said, “Now I understand how animals in zoos feel.”

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №103643
 04.10.2014
I’m telling a friend an old joke about correcting a mistake in the word “horovo” and subsequently determining whether he’s a pessimist or an optimist.
I would have fixed on the "cow"
So, am I a latent cowboy now?

[ + 20 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №103642
 04.10.2014
It is a subject of personal hygiene. Or will you start asking your bosses to buy you cosmetics, cigarettes and other individual entertainment?I can’t use the paper that is issued at work with pressed stitches. I have a personal roll in my closet. But if they tell me to buy a paper for the printer, I will send an open text.

This is not you led to the hysteria of the pharmacy, demanding a cyst is blue.
Even though the whole line tells you "what’s your ass different?"

The author is stronger: cigarettes from the personal hygiene series, toilet paper - for entertainment. What are you working? and :)

PPS at work is considered the norm to buy normal toilet paper, liquid hand soap and toilet refresher for employees. And yes, we are budgeters and we don’t spend our money on it. It all depends on the employer and the company.


[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №103641
 04.10.2014
With the egg and the laser - it's all simple, in the egg almost peeled chicken, it shines in his eye, he is uncomfortable and he starts to spin trying to hide his eye from the laser :)

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №103640
 04.10.2014
to man:
here here :

the old. Here, the son has grown up to understand the erotic subtext of the proverb "Fast-raised is not considered to have fallen."

— — —
I like to joke about the "salted" themes, but before this quote about the erotic subtext of this phrase I did not suspect. I am 45. Per forever young.
and----
There’s a suspicion that you’re just okay with your standing. and ;)

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №103639
 04.10.2014
The composition of what needs to be tested is very different from what needs to be done to the victim.
and
And if you look at how stealth drivers drive and how pedestrians behave - then you need to carry the grave, not the pharmacy.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №103638
 04.10.2014
words of acquaintance.
I worked as a cashier in an instumental store. There was one buyer who was very long determined with the choice of the product. Several times he was asked to hurry up.In the end, the choice was as follows: Topper,Stameshka,Molotok and Knife.At the box office, the buyer asked to make a discount on the bonus card.Without finding the bonus card, he asked to find himself by name in the database of the store's program. When I looked at him, I asked him, “What are you mocking?” He replied, yes, and gave me a certificate. Where black on white was written Maniacs.
I am still worried about why he needed this set of tools.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №103637
 04.10.2014
Dailfox: My first cigarette will be my last

The horse is a horse???? to

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №103636
 04.10.2014
to this:

Lina: The 12-year-old son is a child of modern media culture like SpongeBob. I don’t lose hope of having to watch the right in my opinion "Soviet films".

Why should a 12-year-old boy see this? Officers, They fought for the Motherland, Old men go to battle - I still understand. Love and pigeons? The girls?
Why am I? In my Soviet childhood I did not like all these films, I watched and loved only after 30 years of age.
And I know that children now have their heroes.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №103635
 04.10.2014
Hm...there’s a bunch of programs for keeping journals, for creating notes...
but "New text document.txt" on the desktop will not replace anything

[ + 24 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №103634
 04.10.2014
In the dining dish literally - a buffalo from a turkey, told my aunt at the distribution of beff-Stroganov, looked like an idiot, in the next visit saw a buffalo.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №103633
 04.10.2014
From the pearls of buyers (I work in a hunting store):
A strong adult:
and greetings. Give me a bullet.
and greetings. For what weapons? by Natasha? The smooth?
How do I know for which?These are the shooters!

Tourism department, where there are various chubbles. The company comes in and one of the girls, looking around the hall, approaches me and whispers:
Girl, is this really shit?
and yes.
Was he really alive?
and yes.
At this point in her journey, there is a rethinking of all her previous life. Shock in the eyes. A minute of silence and even more silence.
And your legs too?

[ + 26 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №103632
 04.10.2014
The classmate became cartoons incomprehensible to engage, with friends "wrong" to communicate, and generally too little pearl in front of us mosque. Give her a sweet life. There is no reason to saddle the collective with its existence.

But the person is somewhat strange, observes strange rites, does not work on certain days, and also refuses to sit with friends, drink beer with sausages. Well, it was his fault to get under the pogrom, it was not necessary to separate from the collective.

And it’s a muddy one at all. Friends of some incomprehensible, he talks about something strange, and also turns water into wine. In short, it does not behave as we do, it separates itself from the collective. Now let him hang on that mountain separately.

And in general, maybe this man did not really exist, and grandfather Darwin was right. So do not forget our ancestors, you need to observe the order of the herd! It is not from that end of the banana that the tailed man eats it!

[ + 34 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №103631
 04.10.2014
My cat is 22 years old, grew up together, she has been with me all my life. A few weeks ago I started eating badly, lost weight, stopped drinking. She was taken to the veterinarian, there she was put in a dropper and told that it was better to fall asleep, as the kidneys and liver were most likely rejected.
brought home. Katie didn’t get up for a few days. All this time I drank her with grass and fed her with a spoonful of veterinary medicinal food. Every hour, a little visit. The acquaintances who went to the guests in one voice said that the cat would soon die, she stopped getting up, did not go to the toilet.
A few days ago, I heard a loud sound in the hallway. It was Murka. She wrote in my new shoes. The kidneys worked.
I felt great joy only the next day when she was pumping up on the floor in the toilet.
Why am I this? Take care of your animals, help them and always give them a chance. Even if they are older than your students.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №103630
 04.10.2014
at work.
A new employee arrives:
- Fuck, guys, the boss today is evil, he asked who to send a sign, and he said to send some fucking Anne!
A minute of confusion, then an experienced employee: A! The accountant Chebuchiani.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №103629
 04.10.2014
Two weeks worried about the reports, when I finished, I wrote to the boss:
I finished these e@#$%&s reports!
You earned a seasonal achievement "Finish reports before a meeting"

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №103628
 04.10.2014
I am standing at the doorstep of the Astana DVD (Russian DVD), thinking about smoking waiting for a comrade. People are actively moving, the city lives, life burles. Two employees are out. Livingly negotiating, they pause and smoke, peacefully gesturing.
Almost simultaneously, both smartphones are ringing, they abruptly interrupt the conversation and differ in opposite directions.
At the first on the call, Love "Opera".
The second is a theme from "Brigades".

[ + 19 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №103627
 04.10.2014
And my friend and I worked as a contractor somehow in the same niya.so the niya was big and from our camorka to the nearest sartyr is not very close. You won’t get to the rest at all. We only went to him. There was never light there, the lamps were not simple. Then it turns off and a man comes out. We come in, there are no lights. Then each employee was carrying a lamp in his pocket. I love my homeland!

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №103626
 04.10.2014
Chelyabinsky retired man assembled a plane and flew without a permit.
Three administrative cases have been opened in the Omsk region against a retiree from Chelyabinsk who made unauthorized flights on a plane assembled by his own hands.

I also had one, wings.
No No No No No No No.
I put him on a barrel of powder, let him fly.
Ivan Vasilyevich is changing his profession. and (1973)

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