bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 40 - ]
 16.06.2017
It is good to be a man. They live somewhat easier.

Here, out, winter on your nose, and you are already walking, looking with anxiety at the prices in the shoe shops, touching a shirt coat, and not even looking into the fur salon: you understand that the post-last-year half-shirt of a painted rabbit is still very even nothing. And on the exhausted shell, pockets can be squeezed. This is the type of designer discovery. Cakes in the ass. Very stylish and youthful. Where to get money? All normal babies, out, put on new boots, and you sit, cry and envy. The pocket on the ass.

And the men? I changed my summer tyres for winter tyres, and that’s all. You can continue to drink beer.

She has been treating her broken heart for years. All the girlfriends will tell about the underdog, then will be gathering forces for six months to throw his toothbrush out of the house - his hand does not rise. Then all his gifts in a bag will be gathered, and on anthrax will be stuck. The letter will be written kilometers away and will not be sent. Finally, remove his number from the phone book. But it is only in a few years.

And the men? The grandmother dropped - went swollen, bought a prostitute, avenged, and forgot. A woman and a prostitute. You can continue to drink beer.

A woman does not fit in a dress - it is a disaster! It is immediately and kefir diets, and to the gym running, and to the endocrinologist: and suddenly with hormones something? It cannot be launched! It is in six months as a chicken pound for ten, and you have already eaten summer shrimp for the next year, and you will not enter them! A panic panic!

And the man will go, buy his pants two sizes larger, break a new hole in the belt, and you can continue to drink beer.

If a woman plans to have sex, she will be preparing for it for two weeks. She runs to hair removal, to the solarium, to buy beautiful underwear, new perfumes, dresses, shoes, eyebrows, to paint her hair, to make a lay-out, and even to rehearse before the mirror unforced crystal laughter.

If a man is planning sex, the only thing he will do is come to him. He will drink beer.

When a woman is asked, “Oh, clay jeans! Where did you buy?” - it should name a decent store, and the date of purchase, not exceeding six months.

When a man is asked, “Where did you get the jeans?” - he can calmly answer, "Yes, I'm not fucking, he's already eight years old," and will continue to drink beer!!! to

Of course, men are all sorts. There is also a subtle mental organization, and sex is trepidant, and in the wardrobe they, instead of their favorite stretched sweater - hang three smokings and a very fashionable Hugo Boss coat, and instead of beer they drink cognac. Very rarely. And on a date come with flowers, and your new dress will notice, but only they are all long and happily married, and what about them to say then?

I’m not talking about men now. How hard it is to be a woman.

I was in the store today. I wore a blue coat. The draper was good, and the valuable was six-digit. I thought and went home to drink a beer. After all, I differ from a man only in the shape of a chromosome.
Source: https://www.anekdot.ru/an/an1706/o170615.html#9
Eng

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna