Zombies work in banks, or how to invite a girl to dinner

This story I first heard from a friend, and then independently found, apparently, its original on the site "Bankomat.ru"

History answers one of the rhetorical questions, namely, “Where is the taxpayer’s money going?”

In principle, a lot of books, so I recommend skipping the hats.
E-mails and read only one or two sentences carrying the essence of letters.

My experience of communicating with the bank "VTB24" tells me that what is told is true. Now the history:

There was a advertising shield around my house. The shield is small 0.5 x 1 m. This indicator shield pointed to the ATM of one of the very large Russian banks. The hanging shield did not touch anyone, so it would have hanged until the “second coming”, but a friend came to me in early February from Moscow on a business trip. He had the card of this bank and in the evening we went to the address indicated on the advertisement shield to take out some money. Walk only 50 meters.
There is a small factory, but there is no ATM. It was said four years ago, but he was taken away.
I wrote this to the bank directly through their website.

I wrote and forgot. It’s been seven months and one day in September I got a response from the bank. I was shocked by what I read! Then I was struck by a homeric whisper, and then I thought deeply about the idiotism and bureaucracy that prevailed in our “respected and highly respected institutions.”

This is what happened. The specialist who wrote me a reply from the bank, accidentally (any other explanation I do not find) sent all the internal correspondence on my request.

I send a letter from the bank as it is, without censorship. All names, surnames, positions left real (the country must know its “heroes”!) is
The name of the bank, its domain and the city - invented from the head (although official internal information, I do not want to suffer the girl who mistakenly sent me all this together with the answer).

Because the letter contained 2 MB of text!!! I have deleted a lot of unnecessary information, quotes, office fields, addresses “Copy”,
“Hidden copy”, “Importance” etc. Signatures also cut as events progressed (often the size of the signature indicating positions and structural units was more than 10 rows!)

We enjoy
———————————————————————————————
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
by: Vadim Monakhinev
<vadimmonax@gmail.com>
Date: 03 February 2010 by 23:12
Subject: ID:0046773 <<Invalidly installed advertising shield>>
Who: info@transconbank.ru
—————————————————————

Hi to!
At my house (Archark, ul. Forest,15) hangs the advertising shield of the bankomat
of your bank. One day, I needed to use your bank's ATM, but the bank's address was not found.
Please remove your advertising shield, or it confuses people.

Vadim Monakhinev

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

By: Anna Skvortsova <anna.skvortsova@transconbank.ru>
Date: 04 February 2010 by 09:12
Subject: ID:0046773 <<Invalidly installed advertising shield>>
Who: boris.sologub@transconbank.ru

by Boris Vitalievich.
An unusual treatment. What to do about this?

With respect, Anna Skvortsova
Specialist in Distance Service and Customer Retention
Department of Customer Appeals
Directorate of the Call Center of JSC “Transcontinental Bank” (Filial in Arharsk, Main Office)
Inside is. Telephone number: 14633

———————————————————————————————————
Who: Anna Skvortsova <anna.skvortsova@transconbank.ru>
Date: 04 February 2010 by 11:04

Anna, leave a request to our departure brigade. Let them see.
According to the results, let me know. Keep the entire correspondence so that I am in a copy.

With respect, Boris Sologub
Head of Expert Distance Service and Customer Retention
Department of Customer Appeals
Directorate of the Call Center of JSC “Transcontinental Bank” (Filial in Arharsk, Main Office)
Inside is. Telephone number: 14630

———————————————————————————————————
Who: Boris Sologub <boris.sologub@transconbank.ru>
Date: 04 February 2010 by 12:55

Boris Vitalevich,
The exit brigade was liquidated last year. I was told so.

With respect, Anna Skvortsova
Specialist in Distance Service and Customer Retention
———————————————————————————————
Who: Anna Skvortsova <anna.skvortsova@transconbank.ru>
Date: 04 February 2010 by 14:24

Anna, do you suggest me to go? Call the nearest forests, 15 our customer service office and tell them to check this shield.

With respect, Boris Sologub
Head of Expert Distance Service and Customer Retention
———————————————————————————————————
Who: Marina Kolpakova <marina.kolpakova@transconbank.ru>
Date: 04 February 2010 by 14:59

Marina Germanovna, I called you 10 minutes ago about the advertising shield in your area. Duplicate the letter:
The customer support service received a request for the incorrectly installed shield at the address.
The forest 15. Please check on site and confirm the presence of this shield.

With respect, Anna Skvortsova
Specialist in Distance Service and Customer Retention
———————————————————————————————————
Who: Anna Skvortsova
<anna.skvortsova@transconbank.ru>
Date: 04 February 2010 by 17:32

Anna, as the head of the office, I can’t accept orders from the support service. It takes more than an hour to reach this address. I have no cars. My conscience does not allow me to go there. None of my employees live in the area.

Kolpakova Marina Germanovna
Head of Additional Office
“Eastern” (city of Arharsk)
Department of Operational and Cash Centers
Directorate for Work with Clients of JSC “Transcontinental Bank” (Filial in Arharsk, JSC “Eastern”)
Inside is. Telephone number: 14750
———————————————————————————————————
Who: Boris Sologub
<boris.sologub@transconbank.ru>
Date: 04 February 2010 by 17:41

Boris Vitalevich, from “Eastern” said that they are far away and can not help.

With respect, Anna Skvortsova
Specialist in Distance Service and Customer Retention
———————————————————————————————
Who: Anna Skvortsova <anna.skvortsova@transconbank.ru>
Date: 05 February 2010 by 10:36

Anna, raise contracts with advertisers and installation organizations and find out if there is such a shield and who installed it.
I’ll be waiting for all the information at my post office until 9th February at 10 a.m.

With respect, Boris Sologub
Head of Expert Distance Service and Customer Retention
———————————————————————————————
Who: Victor Makukhin <viktor.makukhin@transconbank.ru>
Date: 08 February 2010 by 09:28

Victor Sergeevich, good morning!
On the Forest, 15 installed a advertising shield, which points to our ATM. Customers complain that there is no ATM at the address indicated on the shield.
Please find contracts with advertisers and installers. I will go after them myself.

With respect, Anna Skvortsova
Specialist in Distance Service and Customer Retention
———————————————————————————————
Who: Anna Skvortsova <anna.skvortsova@transconbank.ru>
Date: 08 February 2010 by 17:45

Anna, in the last 5 years, at the address “Forest, 15” no objects in our contracts appeared. In other words, all along the street.
The forest.
You need to contact the archive department.

by Viktor Makukhin,
Head of the Department of Contracts and Accounts Department of Legal Support
Directorate of the Legal Service of the branch of Arharsk OJC
“Transcontinental Bank” (branch in Arharsk)
Inside is. Telephone number: 14143
— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —
Who: Irina Melkovskaya
<irina.melkovskaya@transconbank.ru>
Date: 08 February 2010 by 18:04

Irina Mikhailovna, good morning
On behalf of Yuri. I need information about the work in the forest, 15. About 5 years ago, our advertising shield was hanged out.
Please find the contracts with the installers. I’ll go and hide them myself.

With respect, Anna Skvortsova
Specialist in Distance Service and Customer Retention
———————————————————————————————————
Who: Anna Skvortsova
<anna.skvortsova@transconbank.ru>
Date: 09 February 2010 by 09:48

Anna, good morning
All archival materials (contracts of which are more than 4 years) are sent to
of Moscow. I am sending you the contact of the archive department in Moscow: Bordeaux
Elvira Eduardovna, senior archivist.

With respect, Irina Melkovskaya
Department of archival storage of documents
Department of Legal Accompaniment
Directorate of the Legal Service of the branch of Arharsk OJC
“Transcontinental Bank” (branch in Arharsk)
Inside is. See also: 14767
—————————————————————————————————————
Who: Elvira Bondar <elvira.bondar@transconbank.ru>
Date: 09 February 2010 by 09:58

Elvira Eduardovna, good morning!
On behalf of Yuri. I need information about work at the address.
The forest 15. About 5 years ago, our advertising shield was hanged out.
Please find the contracts with the installers.

With respect, Anna Skvortsova
Specialist in Distance Service and Customer Retention
—————————————————————————————————————
Who: Anna Skvortsova <anna.skvortsova@transconbank.ru>
Date: 09 February 2010 by 11:23

Anna, requests for contracts are issued only when addressed in accordance with the General Directorate of the Legal Service of the Bank. Apply to them first. If they are jealous, I will gladly help you.

With respect, Elvira Bondar
Senior archivist of the Department of archival documents and agreements of JSC “Transcontinental Bank” (Head office of Moscow)
Inside is. Telephone number: 10557
———————————————————————————————————
Who: Anna Skvortsova <anna.skvortsova@transconbank.ru>
Date: 10 February 2010 by 12:06

Today is the 10th number. Time for lunch. Where is the shield? She should have been with me yesterday.

With respect, Boris Sologub
Head of Expert Distance Service and Customer Retention
— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —
Who: Boris Sologub <boris.sologub@transconbank.ru>
Date: 10 February 2010 by 12:49

Boris Vitalievich, I am sending you a letter on this issue.
- Showing the quoted text -
According to the Internal Regulations I cannot apply to our Legal
The Department (so that he appeals to the Moscow Directorate) bypassing you. You need a request from them.

With respect, Anna Skvortsova
Specialist in Distance Service and Customer Retention
———————————————————————————————————
Who: Anna Skvortsova <anna.skvortsova@transconbank.ru>
Date: 11 February 2010 by 15:16

Annie, I have sent you a request. Wait for a response from the Juridical Department
by Usko.

With respect, Boris Sologub
Head of Expert Distance Service and Customer Retention
— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —
Who: Anna Skvortsova <anna.skvortsova@transconbank.ru>
Date: 12 February 2010 by 13:10

Anna good day.
In order to form a request to the Directorate of the Legal Service, it is necessary to specify in detail the essence of the problem. Boris Vitalievich described it briefly. I will not be able to go with such a description to the Department for approval of the application.

With respect, Yuri Usko
Legal Advisor of the Department of Legal Support Directorate of the Legal Service of the branch of Arharsk OJC
“Transcontinental Bank” (branch in Arharsk)
Inside is. Telephone number: 14158
— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —
Who: Yuri Usko
<yuriy.usko@transconbank.ru>
Date: 12 February 2010 by 15:43

Yuri, the problem is next. Our client turned to us because the advertising shield was installed incorrectly - there is no ATM at the address indicated on the advertising shield. The advertising shield is on the street. The forest 15.
We need to know if there is a shield. If there is, it needs to be dismantled. Help me to make an application for the Moscow Directorate of Legal Services, so that they would be overwhelmed and I could ask the archival department in Moscow to look for contracts with the installers who installed this shield.

With respect, Anna Skvortsova
Specialist in Distance Service and Customer Retention
— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —
Who: Anna Skvortsova <anna.skvortsova@transconbank.ru>
Date: 18 February 2010 by 13:10

Anna, I am sending you a letter from the Audit Office.
Director of the Call Center

The cited text -
by Arthur Leonidovich.
We at HelpDesk see your unlocked tickets. At 0045540, 0046353 0046571 you have already to me. What about the ticket ID: 0046773? Why do you not describe the process of solving the problem in the tick? At what stage are you?
In accordance with the provisions of Section 7.18
In the event that there are unfinished tickets with a term of more than 21 days, the specialist who accepted the application for consideration, the senior group and the head of the department are deprived of the monthly premium by 30%, 35% and 30% respectively.
The Head Department of Information Technology and Processes of the Administration has been instructed to automatize correspondence on this ticket in order to receive by each responsible person all messages on this problem in order to avoid loss of control.
The end of the cited text

With respect, Boris Sologub
Head of Expert Distance Service and Customer Retention
———————————————————
Who: Anna Skvortsova <anna.skvortsova@transconbank.ru>
Date: 19 February 2010 by 17:04

We need to shut down this barrier faster. Accelerate work on it. Enter the main points of the ticket work.

With respect, Boris Sologub
Head of Expert Distance Service and Customer Retention
— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —
Who: Anna Skvortsova <anna.skvortsova@transconbank.ru>
Date: 25 February 2010 by 12:04

Anya, this morning there was an operation on unclosed tickets. Our advertising shield tick (ID:0046773) is the oldest. The prize will be awarded this month. You need to get this tick so that everything is closed in March.
Show initiative and persistence. Connect to me.

With respect, Boris Sologub
Head of Expert Distance Service and Customer Retention
— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —
Who: Boris Sologub
<boris.sologub@transconbank.ru>
Date: 02 March 2010 by 11:16

Boris Vitalievich, good morning!
I inform you that at the level of our Department the question was raised on the statement of Vadim Monakhinev – ID:0046773.
It has been a month since its opening and as it can be seen from the HelpDesk system in our Bank nobody even knows if this advertising shield really exists or not. Per it’s the shield of another bank.
I ask you to pay more attention to this issue.
I will be happy to assist you in working on your problem.

Valentina Avdeev,
Deputy Head of the Department of Image Policy and Marketing Department of Marketing and Advertising OJSC
“Transcontinental Bank” (branch in Arharsk)
Inside is. See also: 14928
— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —
Who: Boris Sologub
<boris.sologub@transconbank.ru>
Date: 18 March 2010 by 11:16

by Boris Vitalievich.
I draw your attention to the insufficient work on solving issues coming to our call-center.
I was informed by the Control and Audit Office that there was a problem with the advertising shield. I ask you to resolve this problem as soon as possible.
And also provide my secretary with explanations from the persons responsible for the problem (including I want to see your explanation).

With respect, Arthur Bromberg
Director of the OAO Call Center
“Transcontinental Bank” (branch in Arharsk)
Inside is. Number of posts: 14800
— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —
Who: Svetlana Shcherbakova
<svetlana.sherbakova@transconbank.ru>
Date: 19 March 2010 by 10:33

Svetlana Igorovna, hello to you!
Please agree to the application to the transport service on the allocation of our specialist car for departure to the place (at the address of the city of Arkharssk, street.
Forest, 15) to clarify information on the request of the client.

With respect, Boris Sologub
Head of Expert Distance Service and Customer Retention
— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —
Who: Boris Sologub
<boris.sologub@transconbank.ru>
Date: 22 March 2010 by 13:44

Boris Vitalevich, our Department does not provide for the possibility of allocating motor vehicles to solve issues related to customer requests. However, there are funds in the Department’s budget for using taxi services. Determine in the contractual department with which taxi company we have a contract.

With respect, Svetlana Shcherbakova
Head of the Department for Customer Appeals
Directorate of the OJSC “Transcontinental” Call Center
Bank” (branch in the city of Arharsk, Main office)
Inside is. See also: 14003
— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —
Who: Svetlana Shcherbakova
<svetlana.sherbakova@transconbank.ru>
Date: 22 March 2010 by 16:01

Please check the application for the use of taxi services for two hours on the route (The main office - street. The forest is 15.

With respect, Boris Sologub
Head of Expert Distance Service and Customer Retention
———————————————————————————————————
Date: 23 March 2010 by 10:11

and agreed.

With respect, Svetlana Shcherbakova
Head of the Department for Customer Appeals
— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —
Date: 24 March 2010 by 16:20

I do not mind.

With respect, Arthur Bromberg
Director of the Call Center
— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —
Who: Anna Skvortsova
<anna.skvortsova@transconbank.ru>
Date: 25 March 2010 by 08:56

Anna, order a taxi and drive to the Forest, 15. The reason for calling a taxi will be written later.
Do not forget to take a receipt from the driver.

With respect, Boris Sologub
Head of Expert Distance Service and Customer Retention
— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —
Who: Boris Sologub
<boris.sologub@transconbank.ru>
Date: 25 March 2010 by 16:23

Boris Vitalievich, I have come. The shield hangs. I attach a photo from my cell phone.

With respect, Anna Skvortsova
Specialist in Distance Service and Customer Retention
—————————————————————————————————————
Who: Anna Skvortsova <anna.skvortsova@transconbank.ru>
Date: 26 March 2010 by 08:56

Anna is a miracle! Thank you from the bank! We finally saw that bad shield.
Now quickly write a letter to our Chief Mechanic – let him dismantle this shield.

With respect, Boris Sologub
Head of Expert Distance Service and Customer Retention
———————————————————————————————————————
Who: Anna Skvortsova <anna.skvortsova@transconbank.ru
Date: 26 March 2010 by 15:56

Anne, the dismantling of advertising objects established within the framework of indefinite contracts requires coordination with the Moscow Marketing Directorate.

With respect, Victor Petuchov
Chief Mechanic of the Department of Operation of Buildings and Structures (Arkharssk)
———————————————————————————————————————

Then there is a correspondence, which extended over time for 3 months. It consists of half a hundred letters full of rumors, translation of shooters, blaming and working on each other, searching for the guilty, etc.

Summer is over in the courtyard. Continue to read:
— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —
Who: Anatoly Sokolov <anatoliy.sokolov@transconbank.ru
Date: 17 August 2010 by 12:57

by Anatoly Ivanovich!
The Control and Audit Office prepared for me a report on the work on the appeal of Mr. Monakhinev dated 03.02.2010. I also received correspondence on this subject.
The scale of the problem, which turned out to be inflated beyond measure, is so striking that this issue was raised at a meeting in Moscow at the level of the Director of Marketing of the Bank.
I quote an extract from the minutes of the meeting:
“....
5 is
5.1 of 1. The management of the branch in the city of Arharsk to resolve the problem within three days.
5.2 is Publish the statements of the entire chain of responsible from the head of the department
Sologuba to the Director of the Sall Center in Arharsk Bromberg.
5.3 The Deprive, along with the announcement of the pronouncement, 100% of the premium and other incentive payments for August and September of the current year.
5.4 is Specialist Skvortsova to accrue 100% of the premiums not received since February
5.5 to 5. To the chief department of analytics and statistics to calculate the labor and temporary losses to solve this issue and submit to me by 23.08.2010
5.6 is Department of Information Technology and Processes
Administrations allocate in the HelpDesk system and e-mail all emails and messages related to this problem (ID:0046773) and link them into a single structure for analysis and forward to the Chief Analytics and Statistics Department.
»
Moreover, the situation on video communication will be dealt with. Please ensure the presence of all responsible persons in the videoconferencing room of your branch in Arkharssk.

Personally, did you go crazy? What are you doing there?
Couldn’t you take off your ass and come without noise and dust and tear this gesture from the pillar?

With respect, Gennady Markov
Head of the Directorate for Business Process Control of the Transcontinental Bank OJSC (Chief Office of the Bank)
of Moscow)
Inside is. Telephone number: 11011
— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —
Who: Larisa Pilzer <larisa.pilzer@transconbank.ru>
Date: 18 August 2010 by 10:14

Larisa Valentine is!
In half an hour you will be given an order to remove the shield.
(ID:0046773) until Friday. under your personal responsibility.

With respect, Anatoly Sokolov,
Director of the branch in Arharsk
— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —
Who: Victoria Morgunova <viktoria.morgunova@transconbank.ru>
Date: 18 August 2010 by 12:44

Victoria Pavlovna, good morning!
Please assist in the coordination of all actions to dismantle the shield on Lugovoy, 15.

With respect, Larissa Pilzer
Head of Image Policy and Marketing Department
—————————————————————————————————————————
Who: Larisa Pilzer <larisa.pilzer@transconbank.ru>
Date: 18 August 2010 by 16:02

Larisa Valentinovna, I did not understand the shield. What is the “Shield”? Moreover, in DublGis I did not find in our city such a street as Lugova.
Please clarify.

With respect, Victoria Morgunova
Deputy Director of the Branch in Arharsk on General Affairs and Protocol
— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —
Who: Victoria Morgunova
<viktoria.morgunova@transconbank.ru>
Date: 18 August 2010 by 17:11

Victoria Pavlovna, our call center in February received a call from a customer indicating an incorrectly installed advertising shield on the street
Forest, 15 (Lugovaya street is indicated incorrectly).
In view of the fact that this issue is very urgent and urgent for our branch and the image of the Bank as a whole, I ask you to give during this day an instruction to the Department of Building and Construction Operation on dismantling the shield at the above address.
I am sending you to the evening plan of the head of the department.
and solubility. He will explain the essence of the problem.

With respect, Larissa Pilzer
Head of Image Policy and Marketing Department
— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —
Who: Larisa Pilzer <larisa.pilzer@transconbank.ru>
Date: 19 August 2010 by 11:13

Dear Larisa Valentinovna, good morning!

I inform you that at the moment our branch in the city of Arharsk has not prolonged the contract with the installation organization. Our own forces (after the liquidation of the Exit Group) last year, we do not have. There are no tools for disassembly.
The terms of the extension of the contract with the installers should be specified in the contract department. Usually not more than two weeks.

With respect, Anton Kurdyumov
Director of the Department of Construction and Construction
— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —
Who: Larisa Pilzer <larisa.pilzer@transconbank.ru>
Date: 20 August 2010 by 15:22

Larisa Valentinovna, I prepared an order for the branch. As long as the documentation department prepares it for me, I will send you an excerpt. It should take immediate action.

I order: In working hours to go to the address of Forest, 15 and with the forces of their specialists to remove the shield. The funds for the purchase of necessary tools and appliances are taken from my deputy Mrs. Morgunova.
I want to ensure the maximum safety of specialists when working at height.
Take the car from under the head of the analytics department (this from their submission eliminated our Exit Group)

With respect, Anatoly Sokolov,
Director of the branch in Arharsk
— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —
Who: Gennadiy Markov <gennadiy.markov@transconbank.ru>
Date: 23 August 2010 by 10:12

Dear Gennady Vladimirovich, good morning!
In compliance with your order No. 0563/M-4 dated 17.08.2010 the calculation of labor and temporary costs for work on the application of the client to the Call-center of Arharsk ID:0046773 Preliminary data for 23 August was made.
The total time spent solving the problem by all employees is 423 hours and 32 minutes.
Total cost (including salary of employees) 298 324,34 rubles

With respect, Elena Jerome
Head of the Main Department of Analytics and Statistics
———————————————————————————————————————

Next is another two dozen letters on the agreement on the purchase of the tool, the time of departure, pins from Moscow, etc.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —
Who: Vadim Monakhinev
<vadimmonax@gmail.com>
Date: 9 September 2010 by 09:42

Dear Vadim!
Your appeal (ID:0046773 of 03.02.2010) has been considered. We inform you that the shield is dismantled.

With respect, Anna Skvortsova
Specialist in Distance Service and Customer Retention
Department of Customer Appeals
Directorate of the Call Center of JSC “Transcontinental Bank” (Filial in Arharsk, Main Office)
Inside is. Telephone number: 14633

———————————————————————————————————

I thought a lot, I smoked, then I thought a lot, then I smoked a lot.

This indicator shield on the pillar could be shot down in a jump with a hammer!

But an enormous number of people were emailed for seven months asking for pants and sweaters in the offices instead of asking for a bottle of drunkard from the GEC to remove that shield.

I wrote to Anna Skvortsova:

“Hello Anna!
For your persistence in solving this problem, let me invite you to dinner. Excellent menu, good company and home delivery – I guarantee!
Vadim Monakhinev »

It is a sin not to invite a girl who was paid a prize the day before.
7 months ago :)