Once and twice on a mattress.

For a week as the top theme in the garages was Sergey's trip to Thailand, where, despite all his objections, his Natashka gathered.

“She thinks I’m a silver pebble – he used to complain to us, digging under the hood – only the car was bought.

His wife was already, as usual, burned up and no arguments about the lack of sufficient financial funds for her to travel at this time did not work. Most of them were simply ignored. When she needed something from her husband, she always started whispering at his ear, like a parktronic, until she sought her own.

The oil was poured into the fire by his aunt, which exacerbated the situation in every way with its poisoning remarks. She thought of Seryu as a tufyac and was not ashamed of his expressions. Therefore they lived with him like a snake with a mango. Constant combat readiness. The war was carried out because of their psychological incompatibility, so even from the wedding settled. Or rather, it didn’t work out, which is not surprising. I remember him from my wedding. Such a comodo-shaped and loud-haired aunt in a balloon, like Pugacheva. Even then, when I saw her for the first time, I began to suspect that in her head was a cheerful white conic. She then worked as a warehouser in a military unit located near their village and after a long conversation with the soldiers, she had a noticeable habit of commanding. With the future son-in-law, she communicated exclusively with verbs in the form of a commanding inclination, sweeping her nose everywhere and constantly advising something.
Such was the wedding. All the guests present Seregina aunt then literally got out, constantly interrupting both the leading and the thirsty. Periodically, despite her daughter's ban, she tried to launch a "money tree" on the tables to collect money. And after shouting "Bitter!" every time she added loudly: "God let you also kiss sweetly in the grave!

In the dances that began after the feast, she took the most active part. Surely at the same time she seemed to be at least Shakira, at least, the dance style they had was one. Just about the difference in the center. But she, brewing the excess, burned out no less self-forgottenly, without tiredness splashing out in the middle of the hall and leaving only for another drink. In the end, she crumbled and, falling, managed to take her shoulder into a two-story cake with swallows standing on a separate table, so that Natasha had to wash her clothes in the toilet for a long time.
I still remember how at the end of the evening, already quite ready, she performed a lengthy village song, in which the delights of the peasants, who lived without care and labor in songs and dances in the midst of nature, were sung. After that, she went on to a silenced cry with the words: "Natasha, will beat, right to my mother!
I think she remembered everybody then, not just me.

Nevertheless, the angels of heaven sang into their copper tubes and Seroga married. And the first time after the wedding he lived with his Natasha, in general, without problems. Exactly until a few years later, his aunt, having sold the house, did not get out of his Novobunovo. Their military unit was disbanded, and she, having retired, remained without work.

Not changed over the years, she immediately took the command of all, and almost a week later their relationship with their son-in-law was as complicated as a Japanese cartoon.
Siroga, as a man with an initially strong psyche, tried first not to pay any attention to her idiots. But this, unfortunately, was impossible, possessing a wild natural enthusiasm (which, apparently, they have family), she suddenly began to get into all their affairs. To Natasha, she somehow acted like the Medusa of Gorgon, almost completely suppressing her will.
They placed her in the room, where she took up the closet, filling it with the clothes brought with her and a foldable sofa, to which she said she could not get used to.
From this sofa she took the manner of commenting on everything that happened to them in the family. She did not leave this time.

“If a real man did not shrink, the kidney would be sold, and the wife would be taken,” she said to her daughter intentionally loudly, so that he could hear the son-in-law.

How Serogah managed to endure it was a mystery. But he preferred to restrain, only in the evenings telling us in the garages about his family peripeties.

- This is the snake fucking - looked at Harya - the kidney - you say...

Harya, he is Vytka Haritonov, this is our classmate with Seroga, though, he learned with us only until the seventh grade, after which, markedly launching the last cactus in the directory, forever left the walls of his beloved school. Furthermore, Harina's fate developed classically: the adopter, the minor, the zone. By the time he appeared again, Sergey and I had time to serve, get out of school, get married and have children. Released, Harya expelled the one woman who lived there at the time from his mother, and settled there himself. For two weeks he, as usual, walked to half-death, but then took his mind, bound with a buckle and even made himself a guard for the construction nearby, with which he was helped by our district Fedorich, who looked after his liberation. Haru he knew from childhood, when he, stealing from Fyodorich's coat, put a bunch in the dispute. I was curated by the old memory. Sergey and I tried to support him somehow. From his first advance, convincing Haru that walking now in a jacket and t-shirts is no longer a comilfo, we led him to dress up for the "privation", our current Tyumen "tolluka", which stably ensures the work of thousands of Chinese political prisoners. Harya, having his own look developed over the years, both on the styles of clothing adopted today and on the world of fashion in general, turned that journey into an unexpectedly curious process.
From the usual classic jeans he immediately rejected with indignation.

I am blue, what am I?

For the same reason, the shoes with slightly narrowed noses, as well as the white fur coat, which they began to wear that autumn, did not suit him. And a lot of freelance from his point of view.
As a result, for Harry, who gave in the course of shopping to all couturiers and their fashion houses short and nasty characteristics, a pair of black jeans, a black jeans jacket, two pairs of black socks, a black Adidas T-shirt, and black buttocks were purchased. In all this dress, in no way, in the opinion of Harry, who did not attempt his heterosexuality, he dressed up there on the market, right in the cabin of a paid toilet, leaving there with a satisfied face.

- In such a shame you can and without a certificate to cheer - he was quite delighted, admired by his reflection in the window, - to Katka happiness will fall.

Katka was his current girlfriend, with whom Harya met recently in the train station dining room, where she worked as a cashier. A non-young already perhydrolous female in red buttocks and thick blue shadows in the centuries, which, in his opinion, gave her a special charm. It was to her he then, deciding to celebrate his new image, and thought to move, picking up various tastes in the shell in the form of half a kilo of spices, cans of condensed, bread bits, packs of mayonnaise and bottles of vodka "Zhuravli".

Now he was sitting and rubbing his forehead, thinking about Seregina's situation.

- And you knock her with a needle in the bottom, - after thinking a little, he confidently advised, - when it shakes. It will instantly break... Only in the middle of the ground should be healed. And no mint will eventually find a proven way.

Will they find? “Siroga has breathed, why am I going to be in jail for this creature? He shrugged and shrugged his head.

Harya thought for a while and one after another issued a few more proposals, which, however, were no longer so radical and were reduced, mainly, to the advice to ride your loved one to the cupboard, and there be, what will be. You look at it and start back into your Gaduquino.

“I’d rather run her into the concrete,” Seroga breathed up again, if not Natashka.

She loves Serena. Although with their husband they are full of opposites, which, however, as you know, often coincide. The femina of it, in general, in my opinion, is not a woman, but nitroglycerin... Active as an anti-cyclone, even if the hurricane calls her by name. The Hurricane Natasha. It sounds like Hurricane Natashka. How Siroga chose her, only God knows. He himself is generally a quiet and quiet person, lives peacefully and lives. Not going to grandmothers. Gibbonite at the fifth JBI as a concrete technician. I switched and went home. There are no worries and hunting to change places they do not master, enough is the country and fishing, for which he recently acquired the old 124th merce universe, in which he usually digged near his garage. Harvey and I usually come to him in the evening to stand up and smoke together before going to bed, discussing the proposed topics, which we usually start with Harvey. Sorrento only occasionally makes comments. He is an unspoken man.

Natasha, having obtained the consent of Seroga and this time, chose in the travel agency two journeys for two weeks with a departure in late January from Yekaterinburg. Now she studied in the evenings on the Internet reviews of other, already visited there experienced tourists, giving beginners various useful recommendations. Recommendations, by the way, there were a lot on the network. From super practical, such as advice to wash on a foam disco, to quite relevant, such as, for example, not to remove the trance in a carrot bar.

Serena also contributed to the preparation for the trip. As a result of the fact that she did not like to sit at home, she spent all of her free time at the entrance among other retirees who, sitting on the bench, jointly covered the existing world order. Mainly, they amicably cursed the falsehood of modern urban life with its disguised forms of humiliation in the form of tea in bags, sophisticated modern mixers and teflon-coated cans.

Periodically, they discussed the free newspaper "Health Journal", which is an advertisement sheet of terrible polygraphic quality and questionable medical content, distributed free of charge across all mailboxes. It was in it that Seregina’s aunt read that in this very Thailand miracle mattresses are made from the very real rubber, and not a fake Chinese shit. And that such mattresses do not collect dust and there is no environment for the life of bacteria and domestic dust ticks. In general, they have a beneficial effect on human health. After that, everyone listening to her interlocutors came together in the thought that the thing is good and should be taken.
That same evening, after talking to my mother, Natasha went to Serego and stumbled.

At first, he even tried to shut up, saying what a fool is it to carry mattresses from abroad. Soap of something? But Natasha in response immediately gave him that it was, after all, not just a mattress, but an ergonomic miracle-matras of a new generation. You lie on it and it immediately takes the shape of your body. Simply put, it is not a mattress, but a gift of fate. Seroga wanted to say that for the figure of her mother any big curry would suit. And the shape is the same as it has, and without any ergonomics will absorb it like a Bermuda triangle, but kept. He rarely objected to her. But Natasha said everything she could. The essence of her claims was reduced to the fact that Seroga is a terrible selfish and he does not care how her beloved mother lives now without such a mattress. She lives like a Cinderella without shoes. He suffers with a sick back on a tough couch, and Sergio is at least henna.
And if he loves Natashka at least a little, he is just obliged to give her and her mother such a gift. In short, the mattress was planned to buy, which Seroga complained to us in the evening before leaving.

Go to the south, go to the south, go to the south. I was not at sea at all - Harya philosophically noted - on Angara only - he remained silent - Katka's sister and husband went to this Thailand, liked it. Two weeks of fruits were eaten, and in the jacuzzi curtains. And the babies there give theirs behind every palm. I would be a popper. But not with my roar to get a visa - he shrugged and splintered.

- Don't need them a visa - Seroga breathed up - Just doesn't pull me there, not before that - he breathed up again - Well, their.... the cockroaches jurt. I’d better take the car now.

They left in the night, and in five hours without adventures arrived at Koltsovo airport. There from the morning quickly found a stand with their tour firm and soon, after passing the passport check, already went to land.

For the next eight hours Seroga sat down, not getting up, as in a child's chair passed. I fell asleep, indeed, it was all over. In the aircraft were flying, mostly, representatives of the Ural-Siberian middle class with one uniting all the thought that in order to survive in the charter, you must bounce. Like multi-polar particles, the most fervent fans of this idea were attracted to each other, creating small mobile groups spinning around the cabin. Then they fell aside, too.

Thailand is a piece of paradise on earth. This assumption, regardless of which layers of society it comes from, some consider it justified, crawling there with local monkeys and absorbing various seafood, others firmly convinced that Asia is a disgrace, this assertion is rejected, categorically preferring Europe and Thailand in their heads shamelessly hold for a typical resort like Egypt or Turland. As is usually the case, both of them are right.

In any case, it’s south and flying there from Tyumen, you understand this clearly. Same was the case with Natasha. As soon as the doors of the plane opened, the south fell on them in the form of bright sunshine, fresh sea wind, air permeated by fragrances of fragrant flowers and wild herbs. From the heat, the clothes immediately attached to the body. They got their suitcase, sat down with their guide in the minibus, arrived at their hotel, settled and their rest began.

Details about Pattaya to tell, probably, and it is not worth it, many were there, everything about this resort is known. Weather is always wonderful, even in February the sun, ocean, palm trees, the golden sand of the nearby coral islands. The beaches are clean after Saturday. And Seroga and his wife had everything like everyone else – swimming, sunbathing and eating like refugees. Natasha spent the day on juices and massages, and Seroga sat down on cash vegetable salads and a delicious local soup, which, Seroga noticed, became the cheaper the further you depart from the sea.
Closer to the evening, they went for a walk on Walking Street, along which thousands of tourists fled. With the sunset on this street began a turbulent nightlife. Numerous go-go bars, sex clubs, countless odd shows, massage salons were opened, where young prostitutes attracted passers. There were also establishments, where far from latent gay and other varied unclean impurity.
Sergey did not like this street very much. Noise, gamma, loud music, flashing light advertising, crowds of relentlessly fun people quickly tired him. So they walked there, as a rule, not long and went to bed at their hotel.

In the hotel of all the extensive excursion program offered, they chose a trip to the Zoo in Chiang Mai. Interestingly, the hotel guide wrote it. They left Pattaya at eight in the evening in a bus with comfortable seats, free drinks and biscuits. Early in the morning we arrived at the place and after breakfast in the summer cafe immediately went to the zoo.
There, Natasha liked the panda more, that they delighted the crowd of spectators gathered near their volley, and Serogu was unexpectedly captured by hippopotams. These animals, similar to giant purple strawberries, conquered him with some kind of universal peace. From all sides, the other inhabitants of the zoo were poured out, rebellious, laughing and whispering, the children were shouting, their parents were shouting, and these calm and solid creatures of God were just lying and sleeping, not paying any attention to everything that was happening around them. Some of them even scratched, blowing out huge transparent soppes from the nostrils.
The wife and the group went further, and Seroga remained standing near the hippopotamas and, after buying fruits, fed the smallest, pig-like, begemothic for a long time. This was probably the most memorable event of his trip.

After the mattress, they went to the nearest multi-storey shopping center to their hotel. The mattresses were found immediately, on the third floor, in a large specialized department, where, seeing their interest, before them immediately drawn a small seller in a white shirt and, intuitively guessing in them the Russians, began to tell about the displayed goods. From his speech they learned that their (and only their) mattresses had a positive massage effect. They are resistant to any loads and are virtually not deformed during their thirty-year life. The cost is only 5999 baht per piece, with a factory price three to four times higher. He removed one of the mattresses from the shelf and made them touch.

- Fat painfully - with doubt looked at them Natasha.

The mattresses packed in large transparent vacuum bags with the inscription "Pattani Industry" and actually looked on the side not too voluminous.

- And we need two mothers to take, - thought, suddenly decided Natasha - we will put one on the other, if anything. It is profitable here.

Why is it two? I tried to object to Seryoga – what’s more to brother?

Five thousand for my mother. His wife, Behemotham, frozenly circumcised him, and he fed more fruit.

Seroga wanted to say that Natasha’s mother, in large part, was still very quiet, but remained silent. He rarely said anything.

What if I take two? of two? - switched Natashka to the seller, showing him two fingers - you have a discount for two? The discount? She preferred to talk to Thai people, like children, loudly and repeating words twice.

Trading there was apparently not accepted, but the seller left and returned five minutes later, bringing the elder to the hall, in a suit and with ears like a Pokémon. He told them the wonderful news that just, exclusively for them, the commercial service “Pattaya Garden” developed a special and unique offer and now they will be able to buy two mattresses at the price of 5,989 baht each.
At these words, Natasha stumbled, and shouted victoriously:

and ah! She looked at her husband.

Siroga shrugged his hand and briefly threw the Pokémon:

Give me two. and Taish.

He instantly disappeared and after a few minutes touched them a cart with their order and, smiling, handed out two certificates with a ten-year warranty.
Then, after buying the mattresses, they went down to the floor below to the textile department, where, for the twenty baht Natashka saved, bought a silk dragon barbecue, spent about a hundred and, loaded shopping in a taxi, went to their hotel.
They visited that big shopping center several times. On the way to it, they always went to local substance shops, where according to the principle - whoever digs deeper, the coolest of all clothes, many luxury fans rushed. As a result of these expeditions, Natasha fully fulfilled her entire purchase program, filling two huge tissue bags with all kinds of bars.

Thus, by the time of their departure, they had already taken with them to the airport five luggage seats, for which Natasha was very worried, worried, as usual, as the Black Sea. In addition to those bags, she bought a special basket, which she filled with fruit on the neighboring market on the last day. And now it seemed to her that bringing such wealth home in full security would be difficult. Therefore, at the airport, intending to completely secure all of her newly acquired property from theft and at the same time to save on the paid packaging, she sent Seroga to a small airport store duty-free for scotch to wrap all the bags properly, without leaving the likely hijackers a single chance.

- Transparent berry - she punished her husband - he leaves no trace.

Seroga obediently reached the dutic, walked there back and forth, but Scotch did not see anywhere. Then, having caught the dirty white-toothed seller, he depicted something round with his fingers and politely said:

Scotch is ply.

At the same time, he knocked his nail on the glass of the neighboring window and added - transparent only.

"OK," smiled the man, took Seregina's note and literally a few minutes later, in exchange for it, drew him a bottle of "Label 5" whiskey along with a check for twenty dollars. After handing over the bottle, he worshipped and disappeared, leaving Serogue standing with his purchase in his hands.
Another in his place would settle the matter in two accounts, rush to find the seller or, even not knowing the language, would go to exchange the goods for the box office, etc. But the man is soft. He just stood up, thought a little, studied the label with the inscription "scotch whiskey", after which realized that a stupid and annoying misunderstanding simply happened to him. To this misunderstanding, however, he treated quite philosophically, and, having reasoned that there is probably a certain sign of fate in all this, went to surrender to his wife.
Natashka, in turn, saw a bottle of whiskey in Seroga’s hands instead of the ordered Scotch, immediately proclaimed Yaroslavna.

Are you really an idiot? I missed the last coin, I wanted to buy another towel. What kind of man? God, where were my eyes? That is what my mom said!! to

Siroga, in response to all these attacks, only crossed his hands on his chest and proudly remained silent, as if the Roman patrician had swept all his silver seesterties. He is more silent about life.
Fortunately, soon on the electronic board of departure lighted their flight, and the registration began.

They flew back to their country by a deer for some reason not eight, but nine hours and more. The couples did not sleep on the flight. Natasha syndromed for a long time and drank her husband because of the Scotch, good that all her tires were stifled by the noise of the engines, and Seroga, sleeping for three lives, just didn't want to sleep yet. First he tried to read magazines and list catalogues, then tried to guess crosswords, counted to a thousand and killed, thus, several hours, but the sleep never went. By that time, judging by the small television between the rows, where their route was shown by a tiny plane, they had already flown more than half the way. The other passengers slept peacefully. Finally Natasha fell asleep.

Serena never wanted to sleep. Having been tormented by the clock, he decided to take the shelf from the shelf and cover it. Delivering the plade from the top, he at the same time removed from the shelf and a twenty-fries pack with a whisker to look again at his random purchase. Whiskey he had never used before, although, of course, he knew that there was such an American selfie. Wrapping off the black cover, he carefully smelled the content. The race did not smell. Rather, on the contrary, a pleasant smell of fresh bread came from the throat, reminding Sergei of his youth when he worked as a layer at the first bakery. This familiar smell, apparently, and served as the reason that Seroga, rushing to the sleeping wife, decided to try the drink. Swallowing a couple of times out of his throat and feeling a pleasant burning in his stomach, he swallowed a little more, but more. Then again and again. and more. An hour later, after drying half the fifth bottle, Serega finally forgot, shaking from time to time.
He woke up when the landing was announced, from his own wife’s tick, who, shaking with a half-empty bottle, gave freedom to his feelings.

I cannot believe! What do you think at all?! How will we go now at all? And at all! "Natasha cried louder and louder, forcing the other passengers to look around.
Siroga even silenced this time, but at the same time even smiled to some of his own thoughts.

Half an hour later, safely landed, they passed the passport check, where Natasha was waiting for another offensive blow of fate. Her fruit basket came completely empty. The most offensive thing in this situation was that those of the most cautious, who tightly wrapped their baskets with scotch, calmly received them. Obviously, despite the fact that the importation of fruits into Russia is prohibited, customs officials were just lazy to open and desolate them.
Thank God, the rest of the luggage was in full. Then Seroga with considerable effort loaded it all on a cart, which he drove to his car on a paid parking lot. Natasha, angry after the breakdown with the fruits, the whole vector of her anger was expected to direct to her husband and continued to speak to him, going with an empty basket behind. Serena responded by keeping silence. He rarely answered her.
At the parking lot, they with great difficulty stuck all their livelihoods in the car, after which Natasha for a while silenced and thought.

The situation was actually horrible. She did not drive the car herself. Sergey could not drive in such a state, although he himself was not against it.
The only way out was to let Sergio sleep and shudder accordingly. First they decided to get to the airport hotel "Liner". But then they were helped by an elderly taxi driver standing near the parking lot, hearing their conversation.

Do you need it, Commander? - He turned to Serge - They have any number for five. And the windows will let go, so don’t get to sleep at all. Let me take you better to the city, to our hotel, two-thousand rooms with breakfast, and tomorrow morning I will bring you back.

After a little thought, they agreed and, flying through the desert track, already literally half an hour later settled in a double room, ordering a taxi for eleven in the morning.

The hotel was located on one of the central streets of the city and was one of the wings of the building of the UrFU student dormitory converted into a mini-hotel. But the room was quite decent, with a portable interior and a separate bathroom, where Natasha immediately dived. Siroga, without getting dressed, fell on his bed, and by that time, he finally fell asleep. It was two o’clock at night local time.

About half an hour later, when Natashka fell asleep, the first loud cotton sounded out of the window. The subsequent explosions caused them to jump on their beds. There was a feeling that war had begun in the city. The explosions outside the window did not stop and even grew into a full-fledged canonade, accompanied by bright flashes and wild loud cries. Who screamed and what exactly, was unclear. But the orals are obviously not Russian. When Seroga barely stood up and, like a whirlwind, went out into the corridor to find out about the causes of the disorder, there he was met by a sleepy duty maid.

We are Chinese, our neighbors, our students. They have a New Year in China today, they are pirated, their fireworks are released, every year in February. Don’t worry, they don’t usually celebrate long. It is not that of us – it has pulled and swallowed.

The New Year’s feast lasted for more than an hour, after which there was a relative silence. But they could not fall asleep immediately. The students who celebrated turned out to be their neighbors across the wall from the side of the community and, moving from the street to themselves in the room, continued to welcome the New Year at their own. Hearing was excellent: the Asians whispered something in their own language, laughed friendly and sang long and long Chinese songs. Natasha several times with hatred knocked the telephone’s control over the battery until they finally calmed down.

When they finally calmed down and quieted, it was seven o’clock in the morning. About seven o’clock in the morning, when Serega, once again, making sure that the shit doesn’t come one, again stumbled, under the windows the first long and loud car sounded. He was immediately followed by the second, the second, the third, and soon they all merged into a continuous bull of classons. Serega again jumped out into the corridor, where he found a guard clinging to the window, who himself did not understand anything.

“Maybe the wedding,” she shrugged her shoulders, “I don’t understand anything, some nonsense today.

Meanwhile, the swings continued with an increasing frequency. Seroga returned to the room where Natasha was sitting on the bed. It is not possible to sleep in such conditions. About nine o’clock, when the light had already begun, the cause of this cacophony was discovered.
It turns out, right across the street was thrown a large advertisement stretch with the inscription in color letters:

If you love your city, go!“!”

The drivers were delighted. Many of them got out of their cars and signaled several times. On both sides of the stretch, groups of young people stood with balls and, smiling, marched in response. Apparently it was a flashmob.

What should the spouses do in this situation? Almost nothing. Just wash, go for breakfast, gather and take a taxi to get to the parking lot at the airport.
Siroga, in principle, recovered and decided to go home, although he did not sleep. Even though he had no choice, he had to go to work the next day. After a sleepy night, Natasha looked far from the best, with a pale face and dark circles under her eyes reminiscent of the panda he saw in the zoo. But he didn’t tell her that out loud. He is not much when he speaks.

Arriving at his car, Sergey tried to get him. Despite the frost, the engine worked off. While the engine was warming up, they and Natasha dealt with the luggage, placing most of it behind, and Seroga got up in the bedroom to the guards to pay for the day. At this time, Natasha, who seemed that one of the mattresses would hinder Serogue from looking in the rear-view mirror, decided not to think long to unpack it and bend to the side an uncomfortable, in her opinion, piece.

And this is where the second part of the Marleson Ballet began: without vacuum packaging, the open mattress instantly swelled, increasing in volume several times, and in the most monstrous way turned into the likeness of a giant gray brick. To squeeze that "brick" back into the car, she simply did not succeed.
Seroga immediately realized that his hotly beloved wife managed to attract another problem for them. He also tried several times to push the mattress into the salon. But, unfortunately, even with their small size, their universe was not able to accommodate the mattress in itself.

As they say in Africa, even if you are eaten, you have at least two ways out. In this situation, Seroga also saw two outputs: first, it was possible to try to cut the excess part of the mattress with a knife, thus reducing it to an acceptable size, and secondly, it was possible to throw this mattress onto the nearest washing machine and go home. They still had another mattress.
To cut the mattress Natasha categorically did not want. She did not agree with the idea of leaving one of the mattresses in place. After a bit of smoothing, she came up with a genius to place a mattress on the roof of the car and, despite the lack of the upper trunk, wrap it with a scotch, which can be purchased at the airport. She goes away by herself, because Seroga, as it turned out, is not able to buy Scotch at all.
As a result, Serena has traditionally remained silent. He is not conversational.

After a quarter of an hour, they laid the disobedient mattress on top and, passing on with Serega, the Scots wrapped it to the roof through open doors. Their car looks a bit unusual and even somewhat alien.

They finally moved. Very soon Serogah realized that they would not be able to get home quickly. Anyone who has been on this road knows that this is not a road, but a garbage pipeline. Mint on the road to Tyumen stands there in every sidewalk village. The first sergeant, who stopped them, ordered the mattress to be removed, motivating this with a terrible danger for other participants in the movement. Then he long mocked the documents, piercing them on the rack, and was generally moody. It is unknown how this would end if they had not agreed with the sergeant's partner who had approached for the five-hour, who, already suited to them, began to shake Seroge as a peak lady.
Then it was the same. When they were seen, the inspectors immediately stopped them, every time demanding explanations about the strange design on the roof, checked the documents for a long time and forced them to show the rest of the luggage. After some time, of course, they were released, but it all cost money, which melted at a low rate.

In the end, they drove very slowly. And it wasn’t even in the hooks. The mattress attached to the roof when moving swelled, and when trying to develop some more or less decent speed, it simply hit over the roof, hitting which it issued heated knocking sounds.
Therefore, they had to move on a cruise, about 30-40 kilometers per hour, which caused a terrible outrage to other participants of the movement, forced to drag from behind. The road and so went through the settlements with a speed limit, and here their merine collected from behind whole caravans of trucks, jeeps and trolley cars.
Several times the drivers who passed by pushed out, called Serogue various bad words, the most decent of which were "wolf" and "pedosek", and some young freezers, overtaking them at the audition, even threw in them from the window of their car an empty box from under the CD, causing Natasha to envy from horror.
And one huge fur, long trying to bypass them, so terribly walked and murmured the lighthouses that Natasha forced Seroga to drive off the track to miss her.

Somewhere already in the area of Kamishlov over them began to circle a large bubble, the attention of which, apparently, was attracted by strange sounds spreading below. Having made a few false moves, he targeted and meticulously mocked them on the forehead. Moreover, he did not drop somehow there in a bird's way, but not funnyly invaded, like some archaeopteryx, barely cleaned the brushes. This probably seemed funny to him, and somehow, in a way known to him, he invited a couple of relatives, with whom he made the whole mattress from the top, retreating from them already closer to Talice.
Natasha, who had forgotten about the dream, from all this cheating that was happening with them, was just silent, biting her lips, and only from time to time began to cry silently.

But at the next post they were stopped, but the mattress was no longer touched and, looking at the tortured and rotted Natashka, they were immediately released, having checked the documents and not even taken any fine.

In general, they were driving for almost nine hours and arrived at Tyumen already in complete darkness, immediately going to the 24-hour washing room, where practical Natashka, while Serogah went out to smoke, foolishly asked the sleeping aunt-mayshit to wash the mattress at the same time. Unfortunately, like many other good female initiatives, this action did not give the expected effect. After washing, this, in general, lightweight object turned into some kind of stone obelisk and began to weigh clearly more than the center. All their joint family attempts to drag him back to the roof of the mercy led to nothing, and Natasha, according to her habit, began to give her husband wise, but technically difficult advice.

And here something unusual happened. Seroga, our Seroga, who passes by the haishnikovs with his arms raised, suddenly rebelled. So rarely getting out of himself, he could not withstand, he stumbled and, using usually unparliamentary expressions unusual to him, expressed everything he thinks about this trip, this mattress, Natashkin's mother and Natashka herself, to all of whom, according to him, he would like to give some fictionally-erotic moment. In some way, Seroga suddenly began to be explained complexly, spaciously and sophisticated. Regarding Natasha’s mother, Seroga made an additional suggestion that, such as she was a wretch, Onishchenko should be forbidden.
Also in confirmation of his words and apparently for their greater significance, Seroga made several sincere gestures with his hands and raised a fist to Natasha's nose, promising at the slightest whisper from her side free to make her a complete face massage, no worse than in Thailand.

Natasha, who for the first time in her life saw her spouse in such a state, fell into anaphylaxis from fear, and immediately silenced, not daring to object to him.

Meanwhile, Seroga, a little calmed down, found on the neighboring parking lot two guards, who for half a bubble of Scotch readily agreed to help his trouble and even pulled for this purpose the spat mount, tightly attaching the mattress to the roof.
Then they stole a car through the night town to our courtyard, where, coming up to the garage, Seroga struck the trunky mattress to the ground. It was absolutely impossible to carry it on its own, it was already as heavy as two pianos. In the courtyard, as you can remember, it was February and, while they were driving home, the mattress slowly turned into a monolith due to the ice.

Realizing this, Seroga called us and Haray, calling to the entrance. Nothing understood from his overwhelming explanations, I dressed up and went down, where there was also Harya, who understood nothing, smoking a cigarette.

- Don't scream, dinner can be seen - he gave me a dirty package.

I did not have time to smoke, because from the side of the garages suddenly appeared Seroga and, shaking us with the hand, called to the garages.
The sight presented there to our eyes was somehow unrealistic and even frightening. A man with a black face stood by his merino. And at the gate of his garage was rolled some, as it seemed to us, a gray concrete plate of overlay, on the side of which frozen roasted Natasha, looking at her spouse with obvious horror.

- Mother of Rome - when he saw this painting, the instantly oriented Harya - the exact grey aunt finished. In the concrete, on the go, and walked as it was signed... - Harya even crossed.

It was a sinful thing for me, something like this also happened, it looked terribly painful from the outside. What else could be thought of in this situation? There was an alarm button in my head, what should I do?
Then, as we approached closer, we realized that Seroga looked so darkened because of the sunrise. The plate looked a bit strange. For some reason, on its entire surface it was perforated by small round holes.

- The mattress is, the more we brought - seeing our confusion, tired explained Seroga - to sleep her with us nowhere, like that dog - he touched his wife. Natasha, to our surprise, only cried and kept silent.

After the situation was cleared, we all rolled this heavy ice mattress over the snow to the entrance, where, after taking off a couple of mailboxes and breaking the reverse mechanism of the entrance iron door, the three of us touched this unfortunate rubber product to the fifth floor to their apartment.

Seregina's aunt looked at the noise, immediately starting to bump something dissatisfied. In response, Serego, suddenly for us and Haray, who suddenly began to speak long and eloquently, firmly grabbed her behind the shovel and immediately conducted with her a decisive and effective communication, the meaning of which was reduced to her urgent recommendation to silence from now on and forever in order to avoid her knowledge of the true meaning of sorrow. At the same time Seroga expressed confidence that in case of any incomplete understanding of his words, he right now can move from them to the case and to prove the seriousness of the said for the beginning will take her a couple of times with the implant key.

Since her aunt had never seen such a Seroga, she, having lost the gift of speech, turned out and hastily hid in the room, where she lay on her couch on the top of the wreath. She did not appear again that night. She was apparently afraid of the new serpent.

This is the end of the story in bed tones. What else can be added here? They are beautiful in the family now. of endorphins. After that Seregina's operation to coerce to peace, his aunt doesn't even pick up, they have been living soul to soul since. Even in the small family clashes between him and Natasha, she is usually always on the side of the son-in-law.

Siroga bought her a new bed, the size of a mattress. The second mattress Natashka wanted to sell, but Seroga forbade, deciding to leave both for the aunt, and laid them, as planned, on each other.
It turned out to be a bit high, but now every night, as they gather to sleep, they have one picture at home - it is as if Isinbayev runs out of the corner of the room and runs to the bed. Near her, she drops her tapes, like the lower steps of a rocket carrier, and jumps first on the board, then pushes away from it, makes a saltucha and flies to herself to the bed, where she already lies on her rubber blanket, like the doll of Tutti's heir. Siroga even on a cell phone recorded it, it showed us.

This is the benefit of foreign tourism. And if he did not go then Sereg, so still if he was bitten, do not go to the eight-legged. Not bad, I went together. But it doesn’t seem to be going any more, whether he liked it or not, Harvey and I never understood. He himself did not say much. He is such a man, silent in life.

by robertyumen