The commentary:
The Poor:

I realized that I got well over all these holidays. I sit at work, looking at my summer "bad" photos with longing. A colleague comes back, looks into the monitor, and says:
Mmm... what a cute one. A girlfriend? Do you meet?

__________

This was a boost to your side on the subject of weight, here it is more likely even the opposite, a manifestation of sympathy =)

__________

No, I didn’t really recognize her. Eaten like a cow.