bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 17 - ] [4 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №157679
 28.02.2022
An unwavering fighter is a man who, even when sitting in a deep ass, assures himself that he sits with his head high.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №157678
 28.02.2022
I was one day on a train in a trailer car. After the intersection at the intermediate station, his colleague from the "main" composition visited our conductor. And I became an unwilling listener to the story of our guide. From the first person.
I’m constantly working on trailers. And under them distinguish cars, softly speaking, not the best quality. Here I got the car all in cracks, until the wind whispers. Winter, frost and coal heating. Topi - not topi, and on the move all heat blows out. He was upset and the passengers were complaining. No help from the management. In desperation, I spent part of my poor salary (the case was in the 1990s), bought a wide scotch and glued them all the gaps in the wagon. It became noticeably warmer in the car, the complaints stopped, everyone got well. Learned about this, the experience liked it. Purchased officially Scotch, drove one of the "black" wagons in the depot, began to hesitate. In the yard minus 30, in the depot not much warmer. To frozen metal Scottish stick categorically refuses. They send me a race from the office: “Discover the secret.” I have not revealed the secret without a goat. For a long time the leadership did not want to shake, but nothing to do - after a couple of days of torture brought the required. I say to them, "Read what is written on my wagon: "Orenburg-Taschkent." I go to Tashkent, there in January plus 10, I turn the wagon and return to Orenburg.

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №157677
 28.02.2022
Yes is. Tell me who was 20 years ago that Putin, while still president, would conduct a military operation against the semi-finalist of the Supreme League KVN, and the Taliban terrorists would call on them to peace talks, I would, gently speaking, cheat!

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №157676
 27.02.2022
I don’t like the rules in chess. Chess are very funny figures.

[ + 31 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №157675
 27.02.2022
I watch a video about the passage of a column of Russian tanks past a Ukrainian settlement. The correspondent asks the locals how they feel about it and what they think.
They explain that they do not understand the Nifiga and that Zelensky has not yet said anything to do.
And here’s the woman’s voice in the background: “Jura, don’t sleep. Buy the tankers until the boys leave.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №157674
 27.02.2022
“You imagine, Comrade Zhukov, what a dream I dreamed today,” Stalin says, “as if Moscow and Minsk had attacked Kiev, and the Chancellor of Germany begged to stop this war!

[ + 32 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №157673
 26.02.2022
In the distance already 2014 went with my wife to my homeland-Yekaterinburg, drink water, meet with classmates.It was in February, just held the Winter Olympics, in Ukraine was abroad with the Maidan, life burl.This year again came together.Again the Winter Olympics, again Ukraine, again, what kind of thing...A friend of childhood asked not to come more in winter...

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №157672
 26.02.2022
In the wicked day



If the authorities want military action, then first of all the deputies of the State Duma, members of the Federation Council and numerous experts from different television channels of the country should be sent to the front.

[ + 36 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №157671
 26.02.2022
My sister is a genius.
At work, she was asked to find bloggers for cooperation. She sent a request to the blogger with a detailed description of the task. A big message with a full text.
He replied, “I did not understand.”
She just broke the same text into separate messages. The blogger understood.

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №157670
 26.02.2022
I correctly understand that Russia is waiting for an unprecedented growth of domestic tourism?

[ + 21 - ] [6 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №157669
 25.02.2022
Absolute life-long power in a country is such a sweet thing that than to lose it, it is better to burn with the whole country and with the whole world.

[ + 49 - ] Comment quote №157668
 25.02.2022
The previous day’s novel about professionalism.
We remove on the site a universal device that has not been used for a long time.
Everything is complete, only one millimeter-long stitch with the M24 scissor at the ends is curved decently. We try to get rid of it, but the curvature does not allow to twist the two parts of the device, insufficiency.
- What we suffer, there is a tokar in the laboratory. It is easier to make a new barrel, we have a 30th barrel.
We take a bar for the work, the bar as a sample we go for a gift.
Do us the same.
The manufacturer agrees:
Well, it’s almost lunch time, come pick up after the clock.
After that time we go pick up.
Lie at the machine two spikes, the old and the new are absolutely the same, even curved at one angle, seven degrees... As asked.

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №157667
 25.02.2022
Putin calls to Scholz:
We here recognized the republics: the DPR, the LPR and the GDR.
Scholz is in horror:
How about the GDR? Why the GDR? Can the GDR be removed from the list?
by Putin:
I knew there would be no objection to the first two points.

[ + 28 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №157666
 24.02.2022
How many military advisors are there! They were normal virologists.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №157665
 24.02.2022
of the smaller brothers.
We had one chicken. We called her Male. Experienced holidaymakers know - the name of the pet is given only when they are not going to eat it. In the soup and hot go only unnamed victims. So the man lived with us until he left the rainbow from old age. What saved her from the soup? The reason. She was extremely intelligent from the age of the chicken. We have an automatic ChickenGuard system in the chickenhouse. If you don’t know, read on British websites. As a very young chicken she remembered which buttons and when we pressed to open and close the chicken box. Not only did she use them, she did not forget to close the drive behind her so as not to cool the rest of the winter. It was worth one of us to go out into the yard, as we were immediately under her close attention. If we were sitting and resting in the couch, the man settled next to him. She knew it was the safest place in the yard. It was worth taking the spade in our hands, it melted its wings and went to us. She knew why she needed a spade and how to feed on the worms with the bumps with the spade. Who doesn’t know, the chicken is a predator. She also built relationships with the cock as an elderly wife in the harem. The other birds, including the cock, seeing our position towards her, took her command without roaring. It was funny to watch her lead the herd out of the chickenhouse in the morning. First, our guard opens, then looks outside our Maska, goes out, checks the grid on the back, something clicks. Outside go the cock and cock, check the territory for the insects and dead mice that went there (cat mice did not eat them, but threw them to the chickens), then the cock commanded to get out of the whole chicken. Thus began their day. And at sunset, even if it is cold, the male must always be the last to come home. It was her ritual. Accordingly, the personal place at the very top of the infrared heater... It has not been there for several years and somehow does not form in the chickens of their collective. There is no one who can be named. to wait.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №157664
 24.02.2022
Strange thing: we haven’t heard anything about the immigrants in Chechnya. I will say more: we have not heard anything about immigrants in Chechnya at all.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №157663
 23.02.2022
Arbidol cures all diseases except stupidity.

© by

[ + 44 - ] Comment quote №157662
 23.02.2022
On the landscape from the nest fell a small black-and-white bird with a long tail. Running on the ground, catching flies and worms. My mother helped the puppy. She drove away cats, drove them under polyethylene during the rain, and even her mother (or dad) did not throw away the puppy and fed it. Then the bird grew up, began to fly, and his brothers and sisters grew up. By the middle of the summer, the whole family had fled, only the drowned bird remained. My mother often stayed alone in the country and worked in the garden. Many times when I came there, I saw such a picture. Mom with an instrument in her hands and a little black and white bird rotating next to her. If the mother digs - the bird helps, carefully crawling different beetles. If he does something else, then the bird flies around, catching annoying mosquitoes and blinds. But the most fun - in the rain the bird is taken under the same polyethylene in which she once hid her mother. And when the mother becomes thirsty, she talks to the bird, and the bird cries to her in response, supporting the conversation. This is the friendship between different species. It flew closer to autumn. But we hope that she will come back next year. I have somehow become accustomed to her.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №157661
 23.02.2022
Deputies of the State Duma were upset by the loss of the Finnish hockey team, and because of the low pensions and salaries of teachers were not upset.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №157660
 22.02.2022
I had a school friend. We met him tightly from 4th to 8th grade after he moved to our district.

They rotated tightly: they sat on one side, ran on the river on the big ones, engaged in fighting, fans of ninja turtles, dreamed that we would ride on moths like them.

Then, in 9th grade, they stayed in the same school, but split in different classes. He soon married at the end of school, I moved, the roads split.



Ten years later, we met at a meeting of graduates.

He came on the sporting motto in full equipment, all the affairs unraveled by that moment already.

Word for word, I say to him:

Remember how you dreamed of that?

and no.

Well, we are with you...

Do we mean with you?

We studied and dreamed.

In the sense? We did not study with you.

How do you know me?

In the next class, we met, we crossed.



To say that I was shaken, nothing to say. Whether the person's life has changed so much that the whole childhood has been erased, or the amnesia has come tough. What he nodded or specifically said it somehow is excluded. Not bumping like.



Yes, what a difference. Sometimes a man is a piece of life for you, and you are a mycrocodile for him.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna