bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №124965
 01.03.2016
When the wife has three suitcases for her husband, and he goes lightly, it comes to the people somehow that the man has problems with his back, well, it happens, nothing supernatural. But if the unfortunate husband strayed from the supermarket food, which will be prepared for him - it is worthy to become a network frightener, ah!))) The fact that the aunt, in addition to the probability of a problematic spine, sometimes has the probability of an early, not yet noticeable random pregnancy, and it accompanies her because it is difficult for her husband to choose the purchases himself - too radical to come to mind.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №124964
 01.03.2016
The year 2066, the Oscar ceremony.

The main prize is... well, of course, DiCaprio.
It was his 51st Oscar.

Leo is crying. He does not want anymore. He hasn’t been in a movie for 20 years, just not to see this red track. Someone shot him out of the toilet, and this video won an Oscar.

[ + 17 - ] Comment quote №124963
 01.03.2016
yyy: (...) I’m not talking about "create an IP".

What is the meaning of "create"?

YYY: In the word itself, there is nothing like that. But to create an individual entrepreneur (IP) can only Mom and Dad. And an adult (already created) can register as such. In the people also say "Open/Close" IP.
"Create an IP", you can probably say, but it’s not too common, something like "give birth to LLC" or "push up the PJ".

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №124962
 01.03.2016
About photographs

During the primary school we were massively dragged into the pool.
They asked to bring pictures for permits.
I was released from physical education at the time, the teacher knew this.
She wanted to take pictures every day.
The explanation that it would not be needed did not help. He threatened to put a double in a quarter.
My parents were scared of me, they said you won't go anyway, why take a photo.
But what the teacher asks, so you explained it wrong, explain it again.
It ended up in the fact that I got into a family album and cut off my face from a photo in the kindergarten.
brought the teacher.
She returned to me the same day, saying, “You’re released from the pool.

Since then, I have been very cautious about the demand to bring a photo.

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №124961
 01.03.2016

here here :
Better on August 32 than on February 29!!! to

Nea, better on January 0th, everyone still sleeps almost until evening

[ + 22 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №124960
 01.03.2016
Commentary on News
>> 18:50 In Crimea, newborn boys were handed orders to the military commissions for 2032
Until they can escape...

[ + 26 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №124959
 01.03.2016
We work with a team of builders in the building. An elite house, we go to the last floor, there type of penthouse: only two apartments on the floor and each 5-7 rooms plus a terrace.
We go through the hallway, I hear a partner singing something, listening: eyehtaa co-communal, communal apartment, eyehtaa co-communal, communal country.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №124958
 01.03.2016
A joke about toys stuck to the floor old as the world
The daughter today on her own experience learned the modern version: sandals to death attached to the carpet)))

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №124957
 01.03.2016
Then the wife asks, “Do you want to buy the fish I like so much?”

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №124956
 01.03.2016
Once, a delegation from America came to Ethiopia to travel through the tribes, to take photos, to study the local life.
They entered into a tribe. It was evening, it was dark, the cars were on the lights.
They stand, they talk, they see, a black man with a cigarette approaches the car and tries to smoke that cigarette from the lighthouse.
The Americans laughed, walked around the Negro, pointed their fingers, heard words like "idiot"... and at this time another representative of the tribe opens the car from behind and takes a bag with a camera for $20,000.
The first Negro relentlessly departs from the car, and leaves in an unknown direction.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №124955
 01.03.2016
On "Russia 1" came out an ideologically immature report - showed a collapsing clinic, and the role of Obama in this matter was not revealed.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №124954
 01.03.2016
News: Hollywood actor Leonardo DiCaprio received the long-awaited award of the American Film Academy "Oscar" for Best Male Role in a Film "Survivor"
Half Life 3 is not behind the mountains! % of))

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №124953
 01.03.2016
Experimental express from Moscow to St. Petersburg.
Astradamsky: Definitely yes! Nice, fast and comfortable, why not? And I already see myself in the business class.Solid, respectable audiences, businessmen,who in business,who to rest in North Palmyra.And here I sit at the table.I get a fried chicken, a couple of pie,cooked eggs, tomatoes.... and :-)

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №124952
 01.03.2016
xxx: It is more correct to say that landing on land does not require more fuel, but landing at the point where the launch platform is located requires more fuel than anywhere else where the barge will be taken (and it will be taken where it will require less fuel for landing, unless, of course, it is not the African Coast, where pirates have a chance, unexpectedly for themselves, to become space pirates.)

[ + 43 - ] Comment quote №124951
 01.03.2016
I don’t understand how you can get second in biathlon if you have a gun with you.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №124950
 01.03.2016
XXX: How are you at your new job?
As a prostitute.
Xxx :?? to
Money isn’t bad, but it’s out.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №124949
 01.03.2016
Geektimes: A 4-year-old boy received a hand prothesis stylized for his favorite character - a firefighter-transformer from the cartoon "Robocar Poli".
Comments: Luckily, his favorite character isn’t “Edward the Knife Hand” or “Freddie Kruger.”

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №124948
 01.03.2016
XHH: What are you doing?
I read the recipes. You will soon be left without a mommy shirt.
Oh yeah yeah yes. I change my mom’s shirt for my wife’s shirt.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №124947
 01.03.2016
I saw them unload their luggage at the airport. I understood the meaning of the advertisement “baggage with discount”.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №124946
 01.03.2016
In the best traditions of mechanical engineering, all the parts of the mechanism, most often failing, are located in the most difficult place.

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