bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №124985
 01.03.2016
I wrote about our cat that goes to eat as soon as it hears the vacuum cleaner. In general, her son, a monthly kitten, thinks the vacuum cleaner is sucking in his pot, so he sits there himself. She doesn’t know how to write yet, but she looks desperate.)

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №124984
 01.03.2016
Gas is something else! A few years ago in Sharypovo very small schoolchildren (class 2nd) all class (!!!) Smell of citric acid. After the examination of the flights it turned out that one guy saw on the television smell cocaine and brought culture to the masses. The poor teacher, when the whole class was worse in class, almost sat down of fear. They gathered the parental assembly together with the meluzga, called the menta, the narcologist, threatened to break up with the finger.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №124983
 01.03.2016
Yes, there are dicaprio our roots - got an Oscar statue, went to a restaurant to wash... and yes, I forgot the statue))))

[ + 16 - ] Comment quote №124982
 01.03.2016
A mother of many:
My child doing homework about the family, in the column "hobby", wrote in front of my name "sleep". And I’m sure he’s wrong.)

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №124981
 01.03.2016
He picked up text on the Android phone, enabled the "voice mode in text" to pick up a large piece of text. A couple of seconds, I thought what to say, my wife sneezed next to me. And Android recognizes:
"Sharp Hands by Mail"
My wife sneezes on Freud :)

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №124980
 01.03.2016
Of course, all the terrible conspiracy of telephone operators! Our beautiful and practically holy son does not read "adult anecdotes" (i.e. - in reality only schoolchildren are just interesting, adults are no longer very drunk with such humor), and our daughter could not use the resource of ready-made homework, as you might think! These are all phone companies in the share of advertisers, yes, yes!

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №124979
 01.03.2016
Food in the village is not easy. A grandmother from that store once tried to explain to me how non-home products reached the island. Apparently once every five years on a spacecraft. What we always have is coconut syrup, coconut vinegar, coconut oil, coconut cookies, coconut bread and 18 types of coconut – from flour to powder. After multi-level experiments with coconut, I found a 50-kilogram lens bag in a barrel across the road and I discovered a simple truth. Write the recipe:
Monday: take a glass of lentils, water, a little zen and curry – boil.
Tuesday: take a glass of lentils, water, a spoonful of curry, jena to taste - to extinguish.
Wednesday: take a glass of lentils, more curry, half a tablespoon of zen - baked.
If the lens smells like my mom’s perfume, you put a lot of curry. If you are tired, bored and angry, you put a little zen.
c) by Syroejkina

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №124978
 01.03.2016
Urso: I’m losing weight from the plate! I am on my feet for the third day, I have a firefighter to give away yesterday, and these fools drive out all my installers and close the floor, so that his father would sanctify it!!! to
Urso: apparently, to make this roof no longer flow, can only the holy spirit...
Urso: Generally speaking, I decided to hang Genua on the assembly belt to the shweller in the fish department and put the light off.
Urso: Imagine, the daddy comes in, begins to splash water and whisper his prayers, and from the ceiling a healthy hairy thing spits on him, splashing back into a distant corner)))
Urso: if Sanya gives access to its warning system, you can add an atmospheric back vocal))))
Urso: a camera video will be the basis for a new part of the paranormal phenomenon: the Kamchatka exorcist.
Urso: And if Oleg learns who invented all this, we will also film the “Kamchatka massacre by the Bulgarian.”

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №124977
 01.03.2016
Familiar children play "Lego", and the right side of the street is guarded by law enforcement agencies, and the left - the left guard. I can’t decide which of them I would like to live with.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №124976
 01.03.2016
Discussions from the forum search for places by photo:
XXX: Brussels and Belgium
YYY: How is it?
XX: Well you know, it was very simple. First, I analyzed the main factors. "Zhuk" is in a broken state, the numbers are Belgian, meaning he does not go to any exhibitions, and therefore the Netherlands, the Netherlands and even with them we are sewing off. Then came a row of secondary factors, this is extremely characteristic leaves, laying and missing column - after analyzing them I noticed that in the inbox I answered the author of the post on the subsite toska, respected rothbard and told where he took this photo.

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №124975
 01.03.2016
I am stressed by our elderly boss, who every morning calls on the internal phone of a friend of the same age and starts the conversation with the words: "Oh, you are still alive?!". Well then hello!and'

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №124974
 01.03.2016
On the eve to relax, watched a couple of series "Walking" before going to bed - a fan of this series. As a result, I dreamed all night as if I was hunting for zombies and hitting their heads to kill.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №124973
 01.03.2016
The smell of spring!
YYYYYYYYYYYYYY Ura to! Ura to! I even cleaned the tree yesterday.
XXX: Not yet May?! to
YYY: Everything is fixed. I just moved it to the balcony.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №124972
 01.03.2016
One of my friends worked in a church and told me a story.
Near Samara there is a monastery, standing near the Volga, near the monastery beach.
Girls decided after the beach to go to put a candle, go in swimsuits
Upon entering them, the father says that this is not possible.
The girls are gone and one of them says.
I told you that they don’t leave without clothes!

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №124971
 01.03.2016
An employee, a grandmother under 80 years old, loudly shakes papers - looking for something and whistles:
There are decent women, and I am so disorderly.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №124970
 01.03.2016
xxx: now we approached the house - a crown sits on a tree and whispers
XXX: The neighbor's cat
The first day of spring :D

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №124969
 01.03.2016
XXX: Do you have the screws with you?
yyy: Cross 2 large, 1 thin. 1 large 1 thin
YYY: Well I have a floor set always in my backpack)
yyy: Plus roulette and knife
Why is Roulette? % of
Yyy: And suddenly the drunk and the dispute of whom is longer?))))))

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №124968
 01.03.2016
Xxx: Well, shut up to 5 strictly. I have cancelled :)
Xxx: from 8 to 5
YYY: The pass was introduced?
Xxx: No, as long as they follow :)
By the cameras?
Xxx Why? The frame engineer sits in the morning and evening near the entrance and writes :) nanotechnology, you understand :)
Xxx: We haven’t grown up before cameras yet :)

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №124967
 01.03.2016
A small child loves cartoons-He asks me a question.Why do Barbie puppies have different breeds? Difficult with answering.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №124966
 01.03.2016
Well, I was hungry, cold, tired... I couldn’t stand, short. It is delicious, delicious and delicious.
Forgive me, guys, I’ll make you a new soup tomorrow!

In addition to jokes, my aunt was drunk. She also has a cat. And she had a bitch - it must be cooked to eat the cat. I go with fish. In any case, on the machine. When the sad stage passed, she managed to get out - realized that the cat saved her life.

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