bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 25 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №132953
 01.09.2016
Well, like a salad is a type of soup. It’s like getting upset "and why this soup with pearl and salty cucumbers to call a separate word, soup it’s soup!". Just for comfort.
......
One of the most epic and pointless things I’ve ever seen about borscht is whether it’s soup. Not everything is so unambiguous...

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №132952
 01.09.2016
You broke it, and I have to repair it! Okay I will go.
I am going to break.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №132951
 01.09.2016
He is not strange, he just has a rich inner world.
YYY: It is understandable. The rich inner world is a large colony of cockroaches in the head.
Yyy: The main thing is that your "wealth" does not fall on those around you.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №132950
 01.09.2016
The forum.
The topic on how to teach a child 3-4 years to swallow capsules.
There is a discussion of mother’s catches in mother’s language.
And here in the conversation interferes a lady, clearly from the class of those who understand what a couple of words (and even interdomains) are talking about. I convey the essence:
Open the fist. Place the capsule at the base of the tongue. Close the fist. Pull up the head. Stir on the throat and wait for it to swallow.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №132949
 01.09.2016
In the afternoon, I am a simple brutal warehouser, cutting down the warehouse on a brutal staffler under a heavyweight.
...and at night I cuddle in the wardrobe, take a cat bode mouse, pour cacao, get a cake and turn on the Thomas steam truck =)

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №132948
 01.09.2016
A few years ago, one of my acquaintances decided to open a parking lot, but the area was quiet and nobody wanted to put the cars on a paid parking lot, so he pulled a couple of burned cars from somewhere and put in the yard, business popper.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №132947
 01.09.2016
In some entrances there is an apartment in which the grandmother of the cat lives. The smell of this apartment does not allow to live quietly all the entrance. And my friend got to get into the epicenter of this evil smell. He took away the room of his grandmother. You will probably think that he is a madman or, in the extreme case, a "smelling masochist" is much easier, the price was miserable, and the friend was not rich as a student, so I had to endure. Not long after he waited for his grandmother's next trip to his sister's village for a couple of days to host, he gathered all of this crowd in the amount of seven cats and twelve cats. You will probably decide what to melt, so probably thought and neighbors who saw this: ) here it is more difficult, a friend studied for a veterinarian, led his group to train in the skills of sterilization of cats and castration of cats.

After some time, the cats stopped targeting the territory in the apartment and the smell slowly disappeared.

That is how it is.)

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №132946
 01.09.2016
<xxx> In the bite, a midl is a person who can do the entire project from start to finish himself, without an ensemble.
<xxx> Accordingly, the junior – who can’t, the senior – who won’t.

[ + 50 - ] Comment quote №132945
 01.09.2016
My wife grew up with her father, a Soviet engineer. The man has golden hands and a purely Soviet cleverness, so that for his daughter to turn off the steel wheel would not be a problem at all. Most importantly, I’t look. This woman struck me in the heart when during a romantic trip to nature my wheel broke and she embarrassedly pulled the wd-40 bottle out of my bag - so that it was easier for me to turn off the hooks. And then it turned out that she and the multivitamines were always with her. How could he not marry?

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №132944
 01.09.2016
Today I remember a childhood story. Once our mother went on a business trip, leaving the care and supervision for me and my little sister to my dad. Taking my sister from the kindergarten, I got a task from the teacher to make for the extraordinary morning a mattress suit for my sister, details about the purpose of the suit I either missed past my ears, or not correctly brought the info to the bat. As a result, the dad began to disappear in the workshop room and a few days later showed the world THIS. Imagine a mattress, cut off the foundation on which it stands and cut a hole in the place of the face. It was made of a mattress, according to me, of papie mache. Extremely proud of himself, the father through the lower hole put this scapander on his sister and ordered to paint this shit under the mattress itself. The child cried, as it turned out that the costume was needed for the mattress dance, for which their group had been preparing for a long time, and the girls needed to dress in bright sweaters and shirts and paint their cheeks with red circles. I was hysterically rotting, depicting the painting of dance - beautiful girls run out under the backdrop music, and after them they are wrapped - poorly oriented in space (the review of the costume was so-called), without arms (the father did not provide holes for them, which is logical - the mattress has no arms), periodically falling, and not having the opportunity to get up (to try to get up when your legs below your knee are "bound" and your arms are not). As a result, instead of this non-conformist creation, it was necessary to quickly build a mainstream costume from a sweater and t-shirt, the child performed perfectly, the mother who returned under the wild rust almost for the first time explained "what it is and why it is for us", plus the work was not gone in vain - at NH the sister was wearing this costume, frightening guests and neighbors).

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №132943
 01.09.2016
Announced by:
A professional killer. I will kill your pig.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №132942
 01.09.2016
Learn to wrap the gauge and so on 19 nail bars... On the towel three wheel changes - you will sweat until you break this gauge with a good key.

People like you will not be able to cheat on the internet soon. What would you do in the empty internet? Shame should be...

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №132941
 01.09.2016
The fairy lady arrived. The business lady. I came to enroll the child in 1st class (directly on 1 September, the set goes all spring and summer). Starting a dialogue about the child’s abilities is standard:

Can he read?

Did you not hear? We are only in first class!

Further from the conversation of the psychologist with the child it turned out that the boy does not know how to count until 10, does not know the letters, the colors of the rainbow, the months of the year, the days of the week, the sides of the light, from the birds knows only pigeons and spiders, the trees named only two - palm trees and a tree (he knows the word "breeze", but what she does not know), the dinosaurs he saw in the movie, but that they were actually - not aware that they are no longer - also, time by hour to determine can not, does not know what is "hidden" or "spiders", can not say something - to name at least one fairy tale. He "does not like" to paint (he has no colors - "he did not ask"), he did not hold scissors, plastic and glue in his hands. Stitch does not know anyone. While talking to the child, the mother endlessly reiterated indignantly that he was just going to school, from what point he should know all this, why she should do someone else's work, for which teachers are paid money? ! to



The child does not want to go to school, because he does not know what it is - of course, he is afraid.



He did not go to the kindergarten, did not communicate with other children, in his early childhood he stayed with his grandmother, and then... He bought a plan. Since then, he has spent most of his time playing games such as collecting 5 balls in a row. He was well dressed and fed, even travelled with him to other countries (which he does not remember, only went to the beach and the store). This is all education. There was no child in the zoo.



As it became clear from the conversation with the mother, with the child she communicates on the topics "what do you want to eat? “What to buy? “Play the tablet, don’t disturb your mom.”



Such a tough diet for the child's brain is nothing "surplus". The chances that the boy at least to the 4th grade will compensate for this "diet" are insignificant. It is a pity (

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №132940
 01.09.2016
> xxx:Sorry, and what pancakes, scramble and smurfs are better than omelets, omelets and butters?
> yyy: They have a taste of refinement, black.

Taaak, well we went. They are not better, they are different.
Aladdin is prepared on the basis of acidic milk (fruit or kefir) and roasted on oil, often vegetable. Pancakes are cooked on milk, roasted necessarily on a dry bowl and if desired, a piece of butter is placed on them. And from blends, they differ in the consistency of the paste and the ratio of eggs and milk - for baking it is important.
Screamble differs from the ovary-baltunia in that by definition such an ovary is beaten before heating, and still roasted with a flat layer. It differs from omelette in the absence of milk/cream. And the same dish in the Soviet cuisine was called "egg flour", but it somehow did not live.
Emerald is a kind of sandwich, always on rusted bread. And so that you don’t get up twice: a sandwich is a sort of sandwich with two pieces of bread, above and below. That’s just the name of the type of dish. Well, like a salad is a type of soup. It’s like getting upset "and why this soup with pearl and salty cucumbers to call a separate word, soup it’s soup!". Just for comfort.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №132939
 01.09.2016
The painting...

Why are the letters still not burning? We have already sent you three installers.
- So we recruit them to us - say, let go of work - go to business.
- So you idiots - recruit them after they do the job, not before!

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №132938
 01.09.2016
Wake up publishers.

I: The last hit from the author))) I sent her a layout, she saw a mistake, we quickly reworked it, I sent it again. She calls me: why not, why am I still wrong? I say, I sent you everything. And she says, so that’s what I need in the mail, the layout is not changing? 😉 The internet of the future 😉
What’s wrong with these people?! to
HH: How old is she?
I: Well, under sixty, as far as I understood, and she is a nun) But, fucking, I can imagine that she was sitting in front of the compot for an hour and waiting for her eyes in the old layout to fix the mistake))))))))))))))))))))))
It must have been a miracle of God! (the angel)
It is true! 😉

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №132937
 01.09.2016
What do you hijack?by :
" and children Our great leader Kim Jong-un gives you a generous gift – he gives you a new Deputy Minister

Education and Education!"

Our leader has already given us. Not just the whole, but the whole minister. Such that the whole sensible population massively moves to the childfrey.
I wanted grandchildren. Now I hope that somehow will pass, because I have already forgotten the school program, and there are no textbooks left, and they will soon be banned.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №132936
 01.09.2016
From Habr:
The xxx:
I think the GT ended up. The opening of comments for everyone destroyed him. There is no guard. Now there are articles like this. I go less and less.
YYYY :
Yes, there were times of housing guards, who day and night guarded from bad postures. It will come out, sometimes, some is inadequate, and the guards here, like here, are more vigilant: immediately the fucking post together with the author will be salted, grumbled satisfied and will go further into their guard to guard.

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №132935
 01.09.2016
"The Deputy Minister of Education was executed in the DPRK".

North Korea on September 1:

The kids! Our great leader Kim Jong-un gives you a generous gift – he gives you a new Deputy Minister

The Education!

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №132934
 01.09.2016
A few years ago, I worked as an administrator in a grocery store. And once in the winter a girl (an unknown nationality) came to us. She stood up in a tamper, size 2*2, got a daddy with a photo of the child (Slavian appearance), an announcement of fundraising and a glass for a "gift." I have to say that I am very cautious about such people, and since our store was in the bedroom area, the overwhelming number of buyers consisted of heart-sick grandmothers and young mothers. I think her revenue was not bad. So the presence of such "collectors" on the territory of the store was not welcomed, from the word at all, and by force did not want to expel ( suddenly inadequately reacts). I just turned on the heat curtain hanging in the tampon at full power, and after a while the temperature rose to 25 degrees. The girl was leaving, it was probably hot standing in the duvel. The next day the story repeated. She entered the store only once, asking, “Can I turn off the curtain?” Having received a negative response, she left and did not appear again.

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