bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №106644
 10.12.2014
It’s good that tickets aren’t vengeant and don’t eat happy people.

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №106643
 10.12.2014
One person can feed a hundred fish.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №106642
 10.12.2014
I wipe my hands for loneliness.
What a deep thought.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №106641
 10.12.2014
A series of recipes:
I ask my father - "How do you cook so delicious meat with blood"
Father - It's simple, you pour a lot of oil on the bowl, wait for it all to burn, throw it on the bowl, from a distance!(so that the oil does not fall on you), a piece of meat, and everything - the kitchen in shit, a plate in shit, meat with blood...."

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №106640
 10.12.2014
If cats weren’t such independent and proud creatures, they would have set a monument to single women!

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №106639
 10.12.2014

A horse enters the bar, takes off his hat, his coat, orders a whisky with soda and a couple of olives, drinks, snacks and, pleased, leaves, promising to come back tomorrow. The bartender, respectively, in trance, takes the jaw from the stand and runs to call a friend, the director of the circus.
I have a number for you!! Come tomorrow and see! The next day, the director of the circus sits in the bar from the morning, waiting. Close to the evening, the horse comes, orders whiskey and olives again, sits and drinks. The director of the circus:
Sorry, would you like to work with us? How much do you get now?
“Three hundred,” replied the horse.
- And we offer you something, and with accommodation and feeding!
Where do I need to work?
Next to the circus.
In the circus? No, for something I will agree, of course, but why do you have programmers in the circus?? to

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №106638
 10.12.2014
My girlfriend was on vacation in Spain in early August. She decided to delight me and sent me a postcard. The postcard arrived in Moscow at the end of November!!! I opened a map of the world, I sit and have fun - I calculate the distance, I try to understand how faithfully the postman worked - whether his working time he went on foot or even rested some extra days, not good.

[ + 35 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №106637
 10.12.2014
Tolkien’s fans planned to install the “Sauron’s Eye” in Moscow for only one night.
It could be beautiful and unusual.
But the RPC was categorically opposed, which was why the city authorities banned it.

Attention, the question: what else will the RPC prohibit us tomorrow? Buying products in the store during the post? Listening to music besides church music? Wearing the shorts?
Or maybe a tenth will be required? Compulsory Sunday Work on Temple Construction.
They say in the Constitution it is written that Russia is a secular state, not the Orthodox Taliban.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №106636
 10.12.2014
It is not necessary to do imho, but the section of dating I would record... Or sleep with someone, another hugging. They’t let each other die. and ;)

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №106635
 10.12.2014
Firefox, in terms of the volume of updates, did Kaspersky.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №106634
 10.12.2014
Don’t go into your shit, your Majesty.
You are not you 😉
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
Thanks, it refreshed

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №106633
 10.12.2014
Life is in an image similar to Death, only on it instead of a coat - a homemade colored hoodie in drawings, rhinestones and a cap - with a pompon. And in the hands, instead of hair, grabbles.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №106632
 10.12.2014
I am an alpha samurai.
ZZZ: A glucose deficiency that is constantly sparkling, hanging and falling?
FFF: Alpha Samurai, Release Samurai, Debag Samurai... True, the latter is difficult to consider a full-fledged being.
ZZZ: Well, compared to the alpha male, the debug male is quite attractive to a full-fledged being.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №106631
 10.12.2014
XXX: The prophetic SMS has arrived: A whole week of mandala...
XXX: So it happened.
xxx: And the poof that in the full version it turned out to be: ALL WEEK MANDARIN PO 11 900

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №106630
 10.12.2014
This
– – – – –
This is Maxim Andreevich, my son, and he is 4.5 years old.
It’s funny, of course, but it won’t be funny when this half of your son’s will be taken away because his father is an idiot and doesn’t know that the taxes for his son are paid by his parents.
– – – – –
A man comes to the military committee with a girl 18 years old and a boy 5 years old, and also with an agenda for Valentine, let’s say Ivanova.
and says:
This is Valentine, and this is Valentine. Whom will you take?
There is such a foolishness everywhere, not just in tax.

[ + 27 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №106629
 10.12.2014
Working, grey, isn’t it a shame?
I am a former associate professor of the department, a candidate of sciences... And I have three. Three. and what? To go on the path of "science" that no one needs (no, I respect real science, not what is now), to bite the throat for the place of the cabinet, then the dean, then the rector? I do not want! Opened the IP, turned 6 years, tired. Honestly millions not to earn, to sell air - conscience does not allow. So I went to work as a gardener. I have two sections, honest 15 thousand, 3-4 hours a day, working outdoors, there is time for reflection and physical loading. My head stopped getting sick and I slept well. The management company, indeed, decided that I was an alcoholic and a crazy, and I was expelled everywhere. I don’t even know, to run, to bustle, to grasp the grandmother – what’s the point? My wife, by the way, approves, I began to communicate with the child, everything was done at home.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №106628
 10.12.2014
One lady said to me today, “You are a marcipan.
Apparently something in my face caused her to doubt a little and she added:
This is the one that people don’t like.
It is ===
by Ivanov-Petrov

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №106627
 10.12.2014
The Specialist:

A few days ago in the store, a woman standing in front of me in a row tried to find out from the saleswoman why the cheese was so expensive, because it was domestic. People have already begun to suspect something vague, but for now they are still struggling to put suspicions in verbal form.

YYY is domestic. In Russia there is only war. The rest is import.
_________________________

I’m ashamed to ask... the fools have taken us too, right? Can there be any sanctions here to regulate the right way?

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №106626
 10.12.2014
This is:

Intelligent girls choose poorly dancing boys

The ideal of a smart girl is a paralytic.
____________

There are smart ones, the rest may not worry. Just miss it.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №106625
 10.12.2014
Study the biology.
Just the snakes have no exit from the digestive tract - only the entrance.
Everything is digested without residues.

..................
That is, who once struck my friend on a journey - a mutant or a mistake of nature?

Guys, when you’re writing, check it out. Once upon a time, a family had proven to me that a parrot really blooms once in a hundred years.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna