bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №145525
 12.10.2017
I can simply do two things at the same time: talk about being very busy and pretend to be working hard.

[ + 42 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №145524
 12.10.2017
The story is accurate, concrete, because it is not told by anyone, and the cosmonaut Alexei Aripovich Leonov, the most remarkable, the most unique person, I myself a little personally, alive, was acquainted with him, so I am responsible for the words. And the story from the book "Time of the First", the book itself is written somewhat tumultuously, the editors-correctors did not correct the many mistakes of Oksana's daughter, but this does not affect the essence. Alexey Archipovich tells about his childhood, about the fact that in Kemerovo, where they lived after the war, there were barracks for prisoners of Germans, to whom they went to talk.

The Germans were removed, in 1945, in this place, and he, in fact, nobody guarded, settled by the Japanese. They lived in barracks on the islands after their army surrendered. We didn’t understand this – why the Germans, then the Japanese... And we came to them too, and the Japanese made us crackers every time. The first time I saw these cockroaches, we brought the Japanese pieces of bread. It was so touching, they were crying.

After many years, I was in Tokyo and went there to the famous fish market, where you can see all kinds of exotics. Probably not anywhere in the world. There is big trade. There I saw dozens of tons weighing two hundred kilograms... Different mollusks... And there I saw near the market such small relatives where fish are cooked. Well, we talk loudly in Russian and suddenly we also in Russian:

Hey there, come here!

Of course, we went in and asked the Japanese: how do you know Russian so well?

I was in captivity...

Where was he in captivity?

In Russia.

In what place?

and Siberia...

I began to move something: where, in what place?

In the Kemerovo. We were on the islands.

Did children come to you? The Russian children?

They came, they came, they gave me bread.

I am the boy who came to you. You made me crows.

They did, they did caterpillars. Very well, you were good people, there was nothing to eat, and you gave us the last... I will never forget, I tell my children, grandchildren, what you, Russian children, are good. Sit down, I want to serve you.

And we sat down at his small table, he started cooking his fish for us. I put on a sack. It was delicious. When asked how much it cost, he replied:

Nothing, nothing is worth it. Because you are so rich in soul, it is worth nothing.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №145523
 12.10.2017
Life is a complicated thing: I gave a little spleen, and here you already have the browser "Amigo" and Yandex-bar.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №145522
 12.10.2017
A colleague brought a quadrocopter to the department. We are five in the department: 27, 34, 38, 51 and 55. A whole day of boom. It is only transmitted “by air”. There was a girl from the department:
Are you normal guys?! to
And why?
–...
She found nothing to answer and left quietly.
That’s all you need to know about our department 😉

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №145521
 12.10.2017
I work as a master in the repair of all household appliances (washers, plates, refrigerators). I saw everything in 15 years. Let’s start in order. The order came - the washing machine does not melt, the usual problem is not trouble to fix I thought I came to the address, I was met by a nice woman with my husband and showed the front of work, then the washing machine was removed. Discovering the filter of the washing machine, I found a stuck bone from the bustle, in the common people, this was the cause of the malfunction. With a sense of fulfillment of duty, I call the hostess showing the cause of the breakdown. After listening to me, I was complained within 5 minutes about the fact that I was faking it myself. The reason for the outrage I understood by looking closer at the woman, if someone has the first size, then she did not have the size at all and she did not need a bra in principle. During this dialogue, the husband, whispering something about the rubbish, quietly disappeared from the apartment. After our arguments, the woman compared some facts and the rapid evaporation of her husband from the apartment, rushed after him. In the process of collecting tools from the staircase cage, ringing shots and loud beats were heard, it turns out to be an anecdote, the wife was on a business trip, and the husband brought the mistress who decided to wash the bone from the underwear and fell.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №145520
 12.10.2017
From the discussion of the article, whether it is worth buying a new iPhone:



XXX: And I like the apple trolls of loyal users.

Apple headphones fit into the Apple iPhone, but do not fit into the Apple MacBook.

Normal human headphones fit into an Apple MacBook, but don’t fit into an Apple iPhone.

Apple iPhones fit into any normal computer except Apple MacBook.

The universality! The Unity! The ecosystem!

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №145519
 12.10.2017
You walk around Istanbul, and a brush falls in front of the shoe cleaner going in front of you. The cleaner does not notice this. You, like a good man, take it, catch up with the cleaner and give it with the words "You have fallen." He starts type oh thanks so help me let me clean your shoes. And then (from the words of other tourists) they talk to you 50 liras (12-14 euros) and start scandalizing). I didn’t buy it for the first time because I was wearing clothes. And then I understood the wrong thing when in 3 hours 4 brushes fell.

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №145518
 12.10.2017
He worked in a corner-copy company in his hometown (million). for 15 thousand rubles. In connection with the crisis, the salary is cut to 12 thousand and lunch is reduced by 15 minutes. Those who disagree with it go out. Well, I have gone.

I found a job in a week. At 17 thousand, then a friend changed to Peter, at 30 thousand. After six months, he was sent to the Czech Republic to work on a welding robot. Now the salary with prizes and bonuses is 60-65 thousand.

And then these clowns from the first job call - they say, come back, we have returned the salary of 15 thousand.

I told them I was sleeping and bombarded. Why be upset by such good people? It is :)

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №145517
 12.10.2017
One day in our office, a mouse appeared.



The director said that we are civilized people and we will do what the law requires. That is, we call the deratizers who are at the seashore.



The entire office read the treaty and the ahali, where it was detailed how carefully and humanly it would be caught and then where to go, whether a painless injection, whether to release in the reserve.

In general, a ruble of rubles is worth it all.



Serious people came and put a trap. The mouse was found alive and uninjured.

The next morning, the girl arrived, brought an act of work and a protocol.

Take a trap and a mouse.



I stand with a cup of coffee, I look in the window, I rejoice in the sun, I look through this lady and I observe the picture:

He goes out of the cane, shakes the mouse in a bag, knocks it a couple of times on the asphalt and throws it next to the urn.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №145516
 12.10.2017
If the Earth is flat, is Nibiru also flat?

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №145515
 12.10.2017
My neighbor was studying at the SSO (Public Relations), when I asked what it was and who they were teaching, he replied - professional pitchball. Tom was cut off.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №145514
 12.10.2017
news about a new heater-miner, which is able to melt 18 tires in months (at the current rate)
The first comment:
Well finally! Here is life, like a fairy tale.
You sit on the oven and the money goes to you.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №145513
 12.10.2017
All cat lovers created an independent state and declared their independence.

The colony rolls!

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №145512
 12.10.2017
Here’s what I like about employers – it’s the ability to instantly switch from "you’re obliged to "T" to "I’m obliged to do everything that’s written there" and vice versa.

Past work (state office on a federal scale).

We work alternately (from eight in the morning to lunch or from lunch to midnight) and on a sliding schedule, but the contract is written "from nine to five and five days", because otherwise you will have to give extra days of leave and calculate the salary differently, and the bosses do not like it.

But as soon as the employee comes to ask for a walk away - it immediately turns out that the law is not required and in general he was overwhelmed.

[ + 43 - ] Comment quote №145511
 12.10.2017
and their

"I have created a shit! But I am an artist, I see it!" said the artist...
“I’m not an artist, but I see that there’s something in this shit because I’ve been paid for it,” said the critic.
"I don’t know what kind of shit it is, but if it sells..." said the Investor...
"Let it be shit, but dear" said the Collector...
"What a deep shame" - noted at the exhibition...
...
"What kind of shit is this? Even for such bad money?The man was surprised and went to a normal museum.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №145510
 12.10.2017
From boring learning on project management
Are there financiers?
The voice from the hall: No, only Titans and Stoics!

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna