bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №124300
 12.02.2016
My daughter, 5 years.
In the garden they practice dance for the holiday in pairs with the boys. The partner gets distracted, leaves somewhere. My lady strictly says to him: "Where did he turn? Do you see where your wife stands?and "

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №124299
 12.02.2016
xxx: Software and hardware platform for remote administration of automated systems. Abbreviated - Papua

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №124298
 12.02.2016
"And your husband will be promoted to the post instead of someone else’s wife"
...
Unfortunately, such violations of women’s rights do exist. Here is our gender one time on a request to pay the delayed pay and complaint that life is no longer for anything, I answered, citing: "And what do you have, the husband does not work at all?"

And yes, it is not that I had to look for another job, and not the goodwill of this particular boss, but that the overwhelming majority of men consider this answer to be normal and logical, and none of them see anything offensive in it!

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №124297
 12.02.2016
Why look at:

We are waiting for the next wave - those who with the foam in their mouth rush to prove that to wipe out or not the ass after a joke - a personal matter of everyone?! to

But the truth is a personal affair. Or do you look at each encounter in cowards about the purity of the anus?

Have you ever encountered metro/electric cars in which one half is hit by a fight, and in the second a lonely man is sleeping?

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №124296
 12.02.2016
Yesterday after work I jumped into Dixie for supplies. There was little crowd on the box, but there was one colorful character. A man of harsh appearance, 50 years old, with a single purchase, a bottle of vodka 0.7.



A dialogue with the cashier:

Do you need a bag?! to

No is

Payment in cash?

- Yes

Goods by stock? Look at the chocolate! Beautiful and milky.

It is nonalcoholic! Thanks, it is not necessary!

The argument convincingly affected the cashier. She offered nothing more.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №124295
 12.02.2016
Dina: But are you happy?
I was crying, laughing and hurt at the same time.
XX: I am always positive.
I say dark things with a smile.
XX: It helps to solve problems and seem like an idiot.

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №124294
 12.02.2016
Nature does not tolerate emptiness: Vasya, pour!

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №124293
 12.02.2016
Turn off your TV.

Throwing the TV out of the hotel window is an old rock and roll tradition, and few have been so famous for such outings as Led Zeppelin. Former manager of The Edgewater Hotel in Seattle, James Bloom recalled his meeting with the band’s manager in 1977. Robert Plant and Jimmy Page set a record that night: five dropped TVs. In the morning, manager Richard Cole, who had not yet known what had happened, came to pay the bill for the accommodation. Bloom, nervously swallowed, told him that he was forced to take from him an additional two and a half thousand dollars — five hundred for each TV.

Cole was not even surprised: he just counted the money and was about to leave. Bloom, who was a fan of the band and fascinated by the rebellious rock and roll lifestyle, decided to finally ask him: “Forgive me, Mr. Cole. I’ve heard of such things, but I’ve always thought it’s all nonsense. Can you tell me what it’s like to throw the TV out of the window?” he turned and replied, “There are things in life that you have to try yourself.” With this phrase, he counted five hundred-dollar bills and gave them to Bloom: “Hold, friend. Do it at the expense of Led Zeppelin.”

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №124292
 12.02.2016
I bought a book "This will not be taught in the auto school", came home, lay on the couch, opened the title sheet, there was written "Everything about room plants"...

[ + 17 - ] Comment quote №124291
 12.02.2016
krolchatina: I have a manual on the car that from a safety point of view you need to sit away from the steering wheel
u81: "... for greater safety you should be as far away from the steering of your car as possible, and it is better not to approach it at all..."
Krolchatina: avoid driving your vehicle at all costs

[ + 29 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №124290
 12.02.2016
and the apartment is in a residential house, the residential house is real estate and is not built spontaneously. They will not be able to dismantle it without displacement.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Hope and hope. My friend had a garage. in the garage cooperative. Formulated, registered and made according to all the rules. With fairly decent payers - well there is a Colonel of the FSB, a well-known lawyer in Moscow. And then one day one guy went to another and brought him money - and suddenly it turned out that this garage was self-built, the papers were issued in violation of the law and generally clean your glands while the bulldozer was on the way. They decided to act and in three years won twenty-two trials out of twenty-two. They got moral satisfaction. And in the place of their garage now stands the Krasnoselski Ashan.

[ + 18 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №124289
 12.02.2016
Larki, government... You say, if I rented a cow, and it is a state, then the calf which she has to be born is whose?! to

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №124288
 12.02.2016
The chief asked the firefighter Andrew to hang the sprayers on the official UAZik. I asked. He asked. He promised to impose sanctions!! When this did not work, in an ultimate form it was brought to Andrewish what the boss would do with him (on six sheets, with a clean handbook) if the UAZ would be without sprayers in the morning. The boss, with the words of the type can when they want, sits in the car....There the chief eye delighted two rubber carpets, with the rectangles creatively cut out of them. Ston stuck with the boss in his throat, and the non-normative vocabulary, having overcome the wazy space, shattered the walls of the garage.Andrew was not punished (the order he executed). And the boss stopped abusing the offer to apply wisdom. Because it is filled.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №124287
 12.02.2016
I decided to buy my sister’s husband for 23 all kinds of snacks to beer. I walk around the store, suddenly among the dishes a small package of meat-tasting wheels (apparently the buyer left). I read the description: flour, meat... "Not bad", I think. Next: "Contents oils that give your pet’s wool gloss and silkiness".

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №124286
 12.02.2016
by Yandex.Direct

All types of cartridges.
Laser and jet. Black and colored. All the brands. Quality and fast.

And as an avatar - a photo of a triple column and colored flomasters.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №124285
 12.02.2016
I want to raise a topic that we all know literally from childhood. We will talk about chicken eggs. I look forward to your advice on how to optimize the process.

Yyy: I’m optimized – I just tell my wife, she’s cooking. and all. Or even better - the wife asks in the morning: cook, say? I say AHA. And no timers, screenshots and anything else.

xxx: Yes, with such a device as a wife, anyone can become a great chef :) No, not our way.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №124284
 12.02.2016
xxx: Where to download this Jewish folk song, about the harm of sala?
YYY :? O_O
xxx: Well there sings more in the world "Salo - the grave, salo - the grave..."
yyy: So no one has sung it yet... hold your "Hava Nagila"

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №124283
 12.02.2016
I take a taxi on PalPosad, in the basars:
Taxi driver 1: I’m in the steel!
Let me go, Vivian.
Taxi 2 (silent and sluggish): and I am in the woods.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №124282
 12.02.2016
(On the article with the idea of collecting wind energy not directly, but by utilizing the vibrations of trees)

vitus_wagner: The amount of watts per dollar invested may be less, but what an invisibility.
By invisibility in our latitudes, this can be compared only to the micro-GES built into the beaver dam.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №124281
 12.02.2016
I never paid attention, and then I thought. Any dog rushing to his business should only shout, “Dog!” She stops with a questioning look. of any dog. Verified for years. Not everything we know about them, oh not everything.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna