bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №157030
 13.10.2021
A medical examination. The psychiatrist asks:

Are there complaints?

Not as though.

Sleepiness, fatigue, apathy, lack of motivation to work?

Yes, there is such.

It’s okay, it’s everyone... Well, go, don’t delay the line.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №157029
 13.10.2021
Yesterday a funny dialogue with my daughter (17 years old) came out:

What did you do last night at my age?

“They drank a selfie, listened to the gas sector and fired each other from the air.

to affix. And why?

We didn’t have the internet, we had the fun we could.

It is a pity that we have the internet.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №157028
 13.10.2021
But there is already an adult generation for whom the 20th century is roughly the same story as it was for us in the 19th.

[ + 27 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №157027
 13.10.2021
This incident occurred at the second border stop in the Far East, where I served urgently (six months before the dembel I was transferred here with my favorite "Lonchakovo"), the name will be missed. I stand on duty on bail, arm clothes, drink tea with a duty on communication. Winter, frost... A signaling complex is working (meaning someone crossed a familiar border “collar” in Soviet films), I am reporting properly. When the report was present, the praporst, the senior of the pledge, and when he learned the number of the work site, he understood - the district of Tajik, there is snow at the very, and there is a lot of beast. He went to the senior alarm group. From the site on the TA-57: trace of goat in the direction of the state border. “We will kill.” In fact, this is a violation, and the cartridge is a property of special accounting, etc. etc. But the goat is such a wickedness that once passed, the route is remembered, and work in that place will begin to happen several times a day. of the same goat. Despite the different disturbances, the alarm groups will every time fly to the place of passage, record the trace of wild cattle, collect the wool from the clutch wire, or even do a trace blind (although in my service such a collection of evidence base was already inferior to photodocumentation). So the chief of the senior secretly allowed the hunt for rogue offenders. I to the operational guard in the border order that the alarm group from the site is returning. An hour and a half, no news. On this flank our surveillance operates, they reached the junction with the neighboring site, came into contact with the TA-57 (they had the R-392, but the site is uneven, elevations interfere with communications, it is rare to scream from there). I set the task - on the way back to get to the trail of the alarm group, report to the pledge what and how. The boss is nervous and is in control. The man is balanced, but visible. The guard went to the site. Reported by tapic, left the trail. Another hour passes. and silence. The clock on the tower looked in the direction of that flank (since radio communication is unstable, it might be a rocket signal). About 4 hours have passed since the last contact with the alarm. The commander’s order: “Stop the gun! Operative report: a training search is being carried out at the PGD site. The majority of fire equipment, including grenade launches, was loaded into the shale, and most importantly, the lunch was ready. Jokes jokes, but disappeared 7 armed fighters with radio stations, and UAZ. Before leaving, the chief said: "Whatever we meet, I will clarify the situation from the site as soon as we learn." On the pledge remained I, the communicator, the police officer, the clockman with the changeholder, the cocker, the cook. They reached the site and that they saw a trace. And the silence. An hour passes. The guard came back from the other flank. The replacement from the border control post has returned. Zampolit arms them, himself and the cockerel, on three snowwalks "Bars" rush through the taiga to the site. got to. The time goes by, the dinner has already cooled, the combat calculation is missed, the street is dark. The operational surveyor taps the caller and the communicator about when the training search will end. And here, all this cold camp, red and roasted, returns to the bargain, cleans the weapons, discharges the shops. They tell me this story: the senior came out after the trail of the goat, dropped the first shot. I approached, squeezed the carcass, sat down on another hot prey, smoked. At his AKS-74 pulled off the store, the machine itself folded and placed next to it. Valiously drowned, stood up, asked the cinologist for a long guide: "We will refresh here." At this moment the goat jumped up, and went into the taiga breaking the bushes, bringing down the bushes. At his corner was a folded machine without a store. followed the trace. found a body. There is no machine. 3 kilometers of taoyu path into the sidewalk to Usuri, and a strong wind that carries traces. That is to say, the trace was not so that it went straight, but the machine had to be searched. The chief in panic was - from the border order to the bargain to drive less than 2 hours, knocking who personally - everything, article, deadline. In the best case, dismissal, but this is if you are very lucky. No news to anyone. The snow was scratched one and a half meters to the right and to the left in the middle of the February taiga. The snow that is the most. At about eight o’clock the machine was found. Subsequently, the individuals learned everything, but it was already a fairy tale about living-being - an automaton on the spot, a shortage of ammunition was not revealed. And the goat we had eaten until then.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №157026
 13.10.2021
Covid will stop when 90% of people are vaccinated.
We will not be vaccinated!
- Dear friend, 90% can be reached not only at the expense of the numerator, but also at the expense of the denominator.

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №157025
 13.10.2021
Xxx: In either the first or the second part, there was a moment that the sim could be pumped to a maximum of skill and then one gnom made at the machine cost $100. In the usual state, you have the time to squat 12 dwarfs for a replacement, then you give him the maximum of Science and put on a chemical table. On the chemical table with a high probability, he seems to begin to scratch amfetamine because of it. One blue bubble fills the scales of hunger and vigilance by 50%-70%. Sim can drink 3 such bubbles without sleeping for one such shift on the drugs, he scatters 28 dwarfs, then he needs to go to bed, wash to feed and go to the toilet. As a result, for an amfetamin replacement for something about 1.5 days, he pays $ 2800). I had a whole second production floor for this hernia, no work is needed, grandmothers do not end at all, once a week for 2 days to develop the rest of the skills and rest and again for production), very quickly bought all the free immobility on the map.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna