bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 22 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №140478
 13.04.2017
People with certain mental illnesses are prohibited from getting married.

Only not for the “preservation of the genome”, but because you don’t use vegetables to make yourself a sex toy. Vegetables may not like, and can not object, only complaining washes. It, indeed, will be grieving, because the body has been formed as standard and is experiencing a constant painful need, but it is at least not as terrible as giving to someone's arbitrariness the hell won't tell you what fantasies.
And this is not due to specific diseases, but to deprivation of capacity for aggregate severity. Yes, acquired (meningitis the same) - too, although it does not affect genes. It is not necessary to attribute the level of thinking of the grandmother on the bench with fascist mockups such as "they are psychic, they were forbidden to do children!" to the current legislation, and much more it is not necessary to justify some other fascist mockups by allegedly existing analogues in the legislation.

[ + 21 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №140477
 13.04.2017
I do not understand homophobes. Why can’t they just admit that they hate homosexuals because of an old good instinct that combines sex and a position in the herd? Ordinary atavism, like the horror of cockroaches or the desire to show who is the main here, even at the expense of themselves. Fear of blood type. Or almost all-around love for sweet and fat. Or look at people who are disgusted. Or the xenophobia. Instincts formed at a different time, in a different environment, and have not had time to fade out because of the slowness of natural selection. Why put large demagogic explanations under them? Still so understandable...

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №140476
 13.04.2017
I want to ask if anyone hated the silver bracelet with a butterfly!
If anyone finds me, please write me in the Ls or in the comments.
Yyy: I didn’t find, found an orthographic heart attack!

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №140475
 13.04.2017
When I was a kid, my girlfriend and I often walked in the sandbox. Here she told me the story that one day she dug sand and dug it to such an extent that she saw the subway running trains. I believed and digged until night, until my parents took my hand, and every time I came there and started digging. I was very upset when my parents told me there was no metro in the city at all.

[ + 22 - ] [11 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №140474
 13.04.2017
Thinking before sleep: why were the Germans in the First World War the Boschi, and in the second - the Fritschi?
YYY: Bosch is a surname, Fritz is a name. The number of families has increased for the second time.

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №140473
 13.04.2017
I take my aunt home (she was at our guests) and let her teach me, say we must try, then see, she votes? Take it on! An extra penny...

It caused me to listen to it, took it and stopped it... the girl swept her head in the window, and so freely...

To the Baltic for Minet Keen?

Not on the way...

I go, I keep silent.

The girl is silent...

Ten minutes from so far away.

Such a criminal situation is now...

Taxi drivers kill, money is taken.

You don’t take anyone away, little or nothing.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №140472
 13.04.2017
This one-and-a-half-meter shade had a smell, especially in the summer.

decided to sell. It is a purely symbolic value. In the store it is 10 times more expensive. No one call.

He got the canvas and put it for a 4K frame. They took.

Oh well ok.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №140471
 13.04.2017
I sit in the dining room, all around with smartphones, tablets...
In this regard, the question - in which hand of the label is to hold the smartphone, and in which table device?

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №140470
 13.04.2017
A is
Hi to
B is
Healthy
A is
I like to suck.
B is
Congratulations
A is
thanks
B is
What next?
A is
I do not know
B is
Do you like difficult questions?
A is
Give it
A is
Are you soon?
B is
What is the advantage of the TOKAMAK type power plant compared to the current reactors of the nuclear power plant?
B is
Here’s how you see
A is
The more energy produced, the simpler the cooling system, the safer?
B is
And why didn’t he get to the main energy?
A is
Complicated question


[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №140469
 13.04.2017
Knowledge of English is an urgent need today. It’s like walking, talking, writing, reading and counting. Does anyone boast of this? And English with all of the listed in one row. But the phrase "I know how to walk" I did not find in any resume, but "I know English"

On the one hand, I cannot fail to agree with your righteous anger. On the other hand, say, in the last year you have had a lot of applicants who do not know how to walk? And just among the population of the Russian Federation, is there a lot of people from 18 to 80 who can’t walk? How many of them do not speak a foreign language? The same thing.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №140468
 13.04.2017
"I would like to remind you
There is a Constitution -
The main law of the country, in
of which there is 41 article..." - I want to remind you that for reading this very constitution on the street loud in our rache you can warm up in the department.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №140467
 13.04.2017
Advertising in public transportation:
"A driver is required for the route number".
At the bottom of the hand with a curved handwriting:
"Do not go, they are steep"

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №140466
 13.04.2017
Review of the lot on the famous Chinese online store:
- "Cobura hidden wearing.It is the same belt for the spine. Good reviews are a double benefit!"
The commentary:
- "For killers with scoliosis"

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №140465
 13.04.2017
My cat’s dad loved to swim in the bath. And to dig in the laundry) But here the cat mother did not dig in the laundry. But I didn’t like water either. So why did he take the worst from these two wonderful cats?

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №140464
 13.04.2017
My friend, a perfectionist, constantly boasts that he always has a round number on his card, so that you can withdraw all the money without any balance. I put 12 copies on the card today. Because let them.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №140463
 13.04.2017
In addition to aircraft and tank biathlon, you can also introduce such competitions as hiding on submarines.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №140462
 13.04.2017
The Jewish custom is to count the 49 days after Easter with special daily prayers. And the order number of today can not be called directly, only indirectly.
And if you are asked on the first day of the omer, what is the day of the omer today, you have to answer: Yesterday was a zero day? and :)
The main thing is not to say ArrayIndexOutOfBoundsException.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №140461
 13.04.2017
Thanks to the dedicated work of the Ministry of Education, our younger generation is becoming more and more distant from the shameful state called “homo sapiens.”

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №140460
 13.04.2017
The garage door.
Like many of my stories, this started with a banal evening walk with the dogs.
At nine o’clock in the evening, it’s dark, the wind is blowing, the fog – and you can’t do anything.
We need a regime... otherwise they will break the house, we will go for a walk. Close to the 2nd quarter...
And then I hear the sound of the closing garage door, the neighbor returned home. The neighbor I knew a little, an elderly retired teacher well over 80 years old, lives alone, the daughter comes once a month and on holidays.
Only the door has fallen - it opens again, apparently, the grandmother will go out, we would have to wait with the dogs, not equal to an hour to get under the wheels.
Nobody is leaving.
Oh, hell, wait cold, let's go, but - I pass by the open garage, the car stands, there is no one...
Then the shut door closes again.
When it closed, it almost immediately opened up again.
I wondered: the fault of the door?
Unlikely to. A certain order was visible, the door closed and immediately opened.
Is anyone running on the control panel? No cat or dog in the house.
And why is her car in the garage and there is no light in the house?
I called, who is alive?
and silence.
The unforeseen is rarely good, the unexplained is dangerous, life and profession are taught. Need to do something? and what?
The foolish door shut down again, for a second, and opened again.
My hesitation is over, I call 911, connect to the sheriff station, which is two minutes away from us.
Assistant Sheriff: What is it?
I start from a distance, that, say, I apologize in advance, here is the nonsense of something, probably nothing terrible, the doors are enchanted, down and up drive...
It didn’t seem like nonsense – at all.
Give me the address.
I give.
Stay there, we are going.
I stand...
Who are we?
The puzzle did not wait - and five minutes did not pass, an assistant sheriff arrives, behind him - firefighters-paramedics.
The sheriff enters through the open garage door, enters the house, finds the housewife on the floor, conscious but weakened.
Go to my home hospital for inspection.
The sheriff closed the garage, took the opener with him and then went.
It turned out - he told me - many elderly people carry openers with them, sending SOS signals through the garage door. Who would know...
So he didn’t go to the woods with me, he took everything seriously.
He thanked me for my vigil and left.
The dogs walked, and I followed them.
With her nothing terrible, weakened, the head turned upside down, confused.
This happens to the elderly...
She fell softly, without fractures - but in such a narrow space that she couldn't get up, wasn't confused, she began to knock on the door at the opening.
Such a story.
And I remembered her, this is why - I go from work, she walks, with a whale and a dog, both happy with life, seemingly healthy...
I do not need more.

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №140459
 13.04.2017
Here would be the series "Masha and the Bear", where she walks to get what she wants, and gets her ass. How many children would become obedient.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna