bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №123163
 15.01.2016
Stash drove to the office on the ploter drawings to print from the report ( well there 2-3 meters of sheets (width of 0.84 )... so that the extra time not to mount when twisting - grabbed under the mouse 4 rope and went to the trolleybus ( to the office to drive)... in the head the thought: " break up plebey, the engineer goes ", I go to the trolleybus, and I go: " a man with wallpapers, for the trip we transfer ". This society is hopeless.

[ + 46 - ] Comment quote №123162
 15.01.2016
I understand, of course, that I am the only girl in the company who plays in the technique, and of the boys we only have a general whom to stress not a comilfo...
- by the ears in the toner to get from the printer chewed paper, because someone put the whole package in the cartridge at once
Clean the caffeine filters.
Change the lamps.
Repairing a runner-up
- to open with a knife and plates the defective cover on the bottle with water
Fighting routers, routers and other Internet operations
- to conduct investigations, finding out which curve algorithm of action generated this error on the notebook, smartphone, MPU
- to work as an additional interface between a person and Google, because Google is biting and asking him right away is scary
- fly on the scream "Ola Guard nothing works!" when the problem is fixed by the usual restart
- to cool with a strange sound and quiet "oy", guessing that "just broke"...

But the apotheosis was delightful: “Ola, here is a cockroach, kill him!”

All good and calm, I am going to hunt the unfortunate cockroach.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №123161
 15.01.2016
War is war, and during Lunch glamorous boutiques do not smell so elite.

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №123160
 15.01.2016
It’s not a bad date for you ?

I was taken to the tomb of Hoya at 3 o'clock at night, at the cemetery, and there something moved in the bushes, I laid bricks on the 16th floor house, and it turned out to be a jewel)))
And, again, I called the MCH, go out and say, I go out... stands, fucking, he with a rose in his hand and a horse with a brick, gave me a rose, planted it in a brick and let us ride around the house.
Yup

[ + 26 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №123159
 15.01.2016
Lena's acquaintance tells about a vegan relative that he calls parents who roast meat or fish with carnivores, runs, goes to the pool and plays computer games, and he has never had a girlfriend in his life.

silv_m> and he goes to the swimming pool big or small?

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №123158
 15.01.2016
I remembered history. I visited my girlfriend for the first time. Here I have to say that, as I thought, she was very afraid of bugs (it turned out to be not, but that’s not the point). In general, at one moment I noticed a huge bug on the wall behind her back. Then a man awoke in me. With the words "Zay, don't turn around" I take off my buttocks and with all my strength scratch the poor insect. The girl begins to sneeze, and I don’t understand what’s going on. In short, this bug her father dried n years ago and hung on the wall for beauty :) This is how I am a defender :)))

[ + 57 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №123157
 15.01.2016
Since childhood I have had the habit of watching. In connection with this strange hobby my parents gave me a binoculars for one of my Birthdays. I knew what people do at home. One grandfather dances every day at 5 p.m., one man can still not decide between two girls, he leads one, then the other. I personally prefer brunette, and in bed she is a fire. There is also a girl whom her cat attacks from time to time. But there is one apartment where the curtains always close exactly at 18:00. There is a guy in it. Yesterday he left them open and hung a poster on the window with a link. I went through the link, and there was a YouTube channel with videos, where he was shooting me out of the window when I was doing all kind of shit, like singing in a haircut and talking to a cat!

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №123156
 15.01.2016
What do prostitutes do on your phone? Snow, Estelle and Agatha

They are not prostitutes, they are beauty salons.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №123155
 15.01.2016
From a letter to the designer:
Hello to you! Look at what I painted. is cool?
Wow, not to get off.
What are you doing?
I painted Everest.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №123154
 15.01.2016
So I understood that the main problem worries the Russians – will DiCaprio get an Oscar?

[ + 28 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №123153
 15.01.2016
And I remembered the very first "walk" of my eldest son (he was almost 6 years old!) In the store for mayonnaise.
At the same time of year and the same weather as now.

It comes - in the hands of a plastic bowl, half empty and cracked.And himself - all in mayonnaise: a face, a jacket, a hat.
How did it happen...?
I so wanted to try! I went and licked (!!! %) and was stunned.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №123152
 15.01.2016
Professor Snape, we will miss you =(

[ + 28 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №123151
 15.01.2016
Q: He has a white car... he writes that he bought a black bumper and will repaint it.
Q: Where is the logic button?? to
D: 4k delivery, 6k repaint... Why?!! to
Q: What are you like as a little girl?
m: black - paint to white, square - roll, straight - swipe
M: It is going to be straight!
D: ah right )))))))

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №123150
 15.01.2016
It is hard to love your neighbor when he is not far away.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №123149
 15.01.2016
I go on the road at night. There was a kind of shit behind me and it shone “far away.” I slow down, pass forward and “go away” to him. He also slows down, leaves me forward... and then he turned on the “distance”.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №123148
 15.01.2016
- I come from a walk in the evening, I always turn on the notepad, watch the weather there, news...
Sorry what? Do you look at the weather from the street?
Well, yes, to know at what temperature we were walking.

What is Internet Dependence in Your Parents?

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №123147
 15.01.2016
Why don’t you let go of your cheeks?

He: Yes, I’m somewhat stressful with them.

She: Do you think it’s in the moustache?

He said, “You’re going to talk to your guy like that.

She: I have no boyfriend.

He said, “Do you think it’s a bite?

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №123146
 15.01.2016
At the elementary geometry exam, the professor asks the student:

Can you define a point?

and simply. A point is a straight line if you look directly at it.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №123145
 15.01.2016
I sit down, tearing off the old calendars scraps, so that, meanwhile, the paper in the maculature.
The case takes place in a room where one bullet was broken.

The lamp does not burn.
and row calendar

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №123144
 15.01.2016
The article "Monitoring the expiration date of an SSL certificate" appears on the Hubble.
7 hours passes and... the Habr certificate goes away.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna