bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №147370
 15.12.2017
XX: In fact, a group of people counted a bunch of numbers on the compass. And now he expects to sell these numbers to the world [...] and what about this shit? But that doesn’t bother anyone anymore.

Yyy: Are you talking about Bitcoin or about the U.S. Federal Reserve?

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №147369
 15.12.2017
Variety reports that three other women have accused actor Dustin Hoffman of sexual harassment that took place more than 30 years ago.

I remembered the joke:
An old woman comes to the police. and says:
I was raped 30 years ago.
It tells a lot, with all the details.
The police officer responded:
We cannot help you with anything. It is a long time, difficult to find.
The old woman shrugged her hand:
So what you are, sweet, nice to remember, to share with no one.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №147368
 15.12.2017
This morning, an epic happened :) The dark morning and general fatigue played a confounding joke with me.
The week turned out to be crazy, the nerve is tight at work, we rush to finish the unfinished until the end of the year, I sleep little, I work a lot. In the morning I got up, went to the bathroom, made coffee, all on the machine, I went to the bedroom in a coat and with a cup. I look, and on the box is half a bottle of cognac, a glass. I pour a gram hundred, make a large swallow, drink a hot coffee. The beauty! I drink, pour a generous second portion. I drink. Life is not so bad!
I thoughtfully approach the closet with a glass, meditating on the content. I make a throat. I was thinking about what to wear like this. I make a throat. I observe. Lenny thinks so, and where am I actually going. I make a throat. And I’m cold, because I know I’m going to work.
Z is. But in a cheerful and active mood for half-Friday I have already smashed a lot more than I planned for today))))) the main thing on Monday is not to be disappointed in the decisions taken :)))) and do not take this method on arm :))


[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №147367
 15.12.2017
The Internet Speed

British engineer Adrian Kennedy successfully connected the internet with a conventional wet rope about two meters long. It was able to connect with a speed of 3.5 megabits per second.

The Fucks! Rostelecom provides the same speed on the ADSL line.
I guessed they had a shit line. But what they are in speed / conductivity corresponds to a wet rope, I did not expect!


[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №147366
 15.12.2017
Now you just have to get married to my brain!!! to

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №147365
 15.12.2017
Absolutely all analytical projects are made of shit and sticks. Therefore, the thicker your shit and the tougher your sticks, the more professional you are.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №147364
 15.12.2017
xxx: from childhood you hear from parents: to get rich, finish school without three, get out of school, find a job, work in the sweat of the face, make a career.
At the same time, they say you are people whose only capital is an inherited apartment from your grandfather, which has grown in price by 10 times in the last 20 years without any effort on their part. And the available money they spend mostly on pants (the type of car is more expensive, the repair is more luxurious and the house is cooler than the neighbor), buchlo (to remove stress after work) and doctors.
xxx: and really wealthy people in the choir claim that you need to spend economically, rest more, monitor your health, travel, walk and play sports.
XXX: Who can I trust?

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №147363
 15.12.2017
"About music"
I have one pedal, only on the crown.
eugene: I wonder if it can be made on food from the network?
Eugene: What do you think? A thousand
Afanasa: you can buy a block to solve everything yourself
Afanasa: but it is better to take the pedal to the market, find there a radio amateur whistleblower who will do it beautifully and carefully. But it would have to be what the coward would be under the ACDC. This is what the true must be found.
Afanasa: I remember once 10 years ago, my wife and some of her friends were coming home from the club. So, I hear the taxon playing some familiar hypnotic music... loudly so. I sat and listened for 10 minutes, and then I said to the driver, “Is this a concert album, Roger Waters?” What happened next, Zhang. The man blossomed in his face. It was as if he had found a relative he had been looking for for years. I was probably the only one in many years who knew who he was. He, in response, began to brag something, to tell, then went louder and so they went on. They are like aliens, among us.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №147362
 15.12.2017
British engineer Adrian Kennedy successfully connected the internet with a conventional wet rope about two meters long. It was able to connect with a speed of 3.5 megabits per second.
"Honestly, I just had fun trying it," Kennedy said. The engineer added that if the rope is attached to the barrel, the bonus will also be a telephone line.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №147361
 15.12.2017
Ten years ago, a friend wrote a novel. He was issued. The book sold well for 150p on average. And a friend from each sold copy received as much as seven rubles!
Find out who is driving a Ferrari.

[ + 29 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №147360
 15.12.2017
Why, by the way, everyone translates as "the ring of power"? Power – and power, and energy.

To gather them all, parallel to merge and synchronously and synphasically to submit questions.
(From Instructions to the Energy Ring)

The energy ring is a superconductive closed circuit placed in a thermostatic shell. There is a significant amount of current in the circuit. The screening system eliminates electromagnetic losses, allowing for electromagnetic communication only with the executive rings, feeding them with energy. Supply is performed
automatically, remotely, and does not require the action of service personnel.
(From the Technical Description of the Energy Ring)

In order to avoid dehydration of the thermostatic shell, do not allow heating above 4000 gr.C. In the event of de-hermetization and loss of superconductivity, explosive release of all reserve energy is possible. In the rest, it is enough to follow the instructions contained in the built-in Ring Security Block and telepathically transmitted to the service staff.
(From the Rules of Safety Technique for Working with the Energy Ring)

...the experimental set of rings from the very beginning was conducted in a non-standard mode, because the three Executive rings were not set to the frequency of the power source. As a result of the imbalance
[ has not entered ]
(From the report of the Commission for the Analysis of the Causes of Marriage)

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №147359
 15.12.2017
(1): - The Excel table is not printed in color on a color printer.
IT: It is simple. Transfer to PDF, choose to print as a picture.
(1): - Excel translated into PDF to get a color table on the printer?
IT: Yes
(1) - Messiah knows a lot about perversions!

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №147358
 15.12.2017
Irsa: and we in the toilet refresher "aroma of freshness - citrus" by ordinary scratching the letters on the bottle turned into "aroma of gestures - panty";

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №147357
 15.12.2017
1: What are you interested in?
2 the ears.
When do you not shave?
3: And when it is not sewn, it is indexed.
I don’t always index. Percy once!

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №147356
 15.12.2017
Who knows why the author does not ride a Ferrari - maybe he banally lost him in the cards: like Pushkin. After his death, the heirs remained in debt. Just like Turgenev. While he was educated in Germany, he spent the money sent by his mother so cheerfully that he was unable to receive her last package. The mail is unpaid. Life is cruel - when a genius struggled to scrape money to get, in the best traditions of the farce it turned out that the angry son of Mamula in hysteria placed bricks there.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №147355
 15.12.2017
Unlike orgasm, it makes no sense to simulate happiness.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №147354
 15.12.2017
Birthday at work.
Larisa Anatolievna, what do you want to do?
Minerals without gas.
There is only gas.
Then the vodka.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №147353
 15.12.2017
(About the new "Star Wars")

Kensuke: How about a filmmaker?
Helen: Better than the previous two parts, but the logic and physics have not yet come together.
What about men’s romance? In the good sense!
Helen: I did not see Geev. Maybe they showed me when I fell asleep.
Kensuke: No, I am about robots and explosions!

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №147352
 15.12.2017
#birdly
A buffalo is something, not a pigeon, the right word. If he, crashing on the carpet, developed such a speed within the room, so that the luster would crash to death, then what will the luster be.

Nothing special. Domestic popcorns and canary dogs, if they were not released and not trained to fly in the premises, are also broken up at once, without calculating where to fly. It happens that even death depends on the severity of CT. Some manage to do this even inside the cell at night, when they are sharply scared of something. Or, therefore, they cannot be kept in cages greater than 30 cm high, because they jump and spread. Birds are very fragile and at the same time strong, because flying requires huge and effective muscles, but at the same time lightweight design.

[ + 31 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №147351
 15.12.2017
Saying is easy

>> On yuh such a "mother", who speaks to a young child with a mate.

How do you imagine it? Typho, an eleven-year-old boy says, "Fu, mom, you're turning out to be a ham and a bitch, we need to break up! ", gathers things and leaves at sunset...

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna