It was in a technical school in our city.
A couple is coming. A stream of 100 people sitting in the audience. Who knows - there are boards very large (practically up to the floor) and in order not to shrink, do not tilt to write down - the board is understood on two slopes on the sides...
This is the situation:
Prepod writes out the formulas of the entire board from the top to the bottom, and for some reason the poor man is exactly inclined almost to the steps to write down the formulas at the bottom (may not just know that the board has such a convenient property). A loud voice from the audience:
- Board rises (someone did not remain indifferent to the torture of the teacher and decided to tell him)
Prepod turned, looked at the audience and did nothing. After that, he wipes out the entire board (the task continues) and writes it out with formulas for the second time - and again slips almost to the floor and does not lift the board.
The board rises! (He shouted the same good voice already louder)
Prepod did not react to the message again. He wipes out the board again and again accepts to write the equations on it. Only this time when he reaches the place where he needs to lean, and writing is no longer convenient - he still takes the board and carefully POSTs it!! to
In the classroom, one cotton was first scattered... Then the second, then more and more people began to knock... In the end, the entire flow of 100 people applied the intelligence of the teacher! Prepod was very embarrassed.. but it was his minute of fame :))))

My boyfriend read this book. He stopped smoking me too. But I am very happy for him anyway.

Message for all computers:

Dear employees of "ROG"!
Please note that the management of the food service "Coffee" is dissatisfied with the small number of our employees using their services.
It is not excluded the possibility of termination of the discount (in the amount of 10%) for our employees without notice.

Answer by Siddhartha:
The colleagues!
The management of the company "Bentley motors" is extremely dissatisfied that most employees of CJSC "ROG" prefer cars of another brand, and some generally ride the subway!
If this outcry does not stop, then the prices of Bentley cars will rise by 10% without warning!

The most common form of mutation is when the hands grow.
From the ass.
chepe77.livejournal.com

Birthday of Brezhnev

I can’t say my father was strange. On the contrary, he was
Business man, practical, worked as the chief engineer of the project in
A large institution with a long name, built tractor factories all over the world.
The country. However, from time to time he did things that
You can’t call it strange. Why did he do it? I do not know. As far as father
When I was alive I didn’t think about it, and now it’s too late. may be
He lacked adrenaline. Per they were motivated by curiosity. appears
He could not resist the temptation to throw his head into a quiet hustle.
Let’s see what the hell he’ll get out of this time. He was fortunate that
The devils were not very wicked.

On that quiet Saturday morning, my father broke the calendar sheet and saw,
Today is Brejnev’s birthday. After breakfast he dressed warmer.
(in the courtyard stood December), went to the mail and sent to the address - MOSKVA,
The Kremlin, Secretary-General of the CCP of the CPSU - Telegram of the next
Content: - Dear Leonid Ilitch Dvt I congratulate you on your birthday
I wish you health and continued fruitful activity.
USSR TCHK - Signed by full name and surname, Mark
Abramovich Bykov, and filled out the sender's address at the bottom of the form.
The telegram was finally accepted, after the boss
The department handed out passport data.

On Tuesday, the father called the partorg of the institute, a man in general opinion
and unclean. They worked together for many years and treated each other.
well is.
Send a telegram?
I sent him, my father confirmed.
What about the Brežnev sign?
Naturally not. Would I know what I would do here?
“Well, as the children are small,” the partorg was outraged, Leonid Ilyich man.
and occupied. Imagine that everyone would send him telegrams. He is them
Can he read?
“They’t send,” said the father, “not everyone belongs to Leonid Ilyich.
is right. Some even tell anecdotes. Others would regret.
2 rubles per letter. I did not regret.
- Okay, - I didn't argue partorg, - it's not about that. Tomorrow morning
You go to the rainbow. An instructor of the department of ideology will talk to you.
Pass is ordered. And he added when his father was already at the door,
Please do not take the stuff out of the cage.

The instructor of the Rajkom at first seemed to his father a kind man and
and attentive. Long asked about health, family, housing conditions,
Relationship with C. Then he went to the telegram and became rare.
and bored. From time to time, changing the wording of the questions, he tried to
Find out which side the father knows of Brezhnev. He seemed to
My father is dark. And when the conversation came to a stumbling point, it became the same.
I wondered why I sent a telegram. My father insisted on the initial
The version:
I saw it in the calendar, wanted to congratulate and congratulate. What here
of incomprehensible?
But on birthday usually congratulate relatives, friends, people.
The instructor explained his life concepts.
And Leonid Ilyich is a close person. I see him more than mine.
The Sisters. On television, of course, but the difference is small. When I see
Sister, they also talk, and I remain silent.
My father did not like that answer. However, on
Farewell instructor offered to use the Rajkom buffet and
He asked me not to take the shit out of the cell if the matter goes up.

At work, my father appeared after lunch with an avocado full of bags.
Those that smelled untouchable. I just sat at my desk, right away.
A separate phone ringed. The father took the phone and heard the commander’s voice.
At the same time, the oil voice of the head of the first department:
Mark Abramovich, come to me, there’s one person to talk to you.
He wants.
Dad came in. Speaking to the Mayor of State Security.
Unrecognized name and surname. Looking at the paper and doing
He scrupulously followed his father’s biography. Then put
A clean sheet on the table.
Mark Abramovich, please write when and under what circumstances.
He met with Brezhnev.
I thought of it in the railway today, but I never remembered it. and now,
I am afraid it will not work either.
“Don’t be nervous,” said the mayor peacefully.
Remember to call us. If you do not remember, you can also call.
Hear that someone defiles the Soviet power or anecdotes are not good.
Tell me, and call me.
Nothing will come out of this. I will not manage.
How will you not handle it? So many people do well, and you don’t.
Get it done!
“The thing is,” the father tried to explain, “that no one is sober.
Such conversations do not lead, and I, if I drink, then the next day not even
I remember with whom I drank, and what we talked about.

My father said the pure truth. He had an unusual reaction to alcohol.
After some account of the drink, he immediately and completely turned off and
I forgot all the events of the past day. This drink could be
10th and first. So he tried not to drink, but in case
It was impossible to refuse, developed a clever replacement system
Alcohol is untouchable.

- Mark Abramovich, - in the major's voice appeared harsh notes, - You are not
You can imagine how many people want to help us completely voluntarily.
Not everyone has the same confidence as you. You are refusing. No is
Forget that you have the first form of access for secrecy. We take – and you
You simply cannot perform your duties. Think of
Great, in one word.

I still remember how upset my father came home that night.
I blamed my mother. She didn’t have time to start pitting him as he ringed.
The phone. The caller presented himself as an instructor of the party committee and said that
He is waiting for his father tomorrow at ten in the morning. My parents in this.
The night they could not sleep.

The next morning, my father went out. They met him on the road and
He was transferred from hand to hand until he was in a giant office.
The First Secretary. The first greeted his father by the hand and immediately went to the
the case.
Let us not waste time. I know you’ve never met.
by Leonid Illich. There is only a small mismatch that Leonid
Iljič not only met you, but also remembers you very well. Here is
Listen to.

The first pressed a button and the father heard a familiar to the pain voice.
and Brezhnev:
Who sent it? Are you talking about Mark Abramovich? There is one, I have him.
I remember Chisinau. A Jew with a Russian name. Literate Comrade and White
It is used literally. I drank it, but with a lot of difficulty, on the edge can
to say. And how this? Kish Merin Tuches? Look, I did not forget!

Then the First took a piece of paper from the table and continued:
Here is the report I received from the KGB. It follows that in this
When Leonid Ilyich was the first secretary of the Central Committee of Moldova, you were
Chief Engineer of the Chisinau Tractor Plant Project
We went there on business trips.

My father remembered! As from the factory conveyor came the first tractor,
Guests from the CC came. After the demonstration, there was a banquet in the factory dining room.
Then we went in a narrow circle to some big dacha with a pair and
The swimming pool. The father, of course, was caught by mistake, but in the provincial
In Moldova, where the tractor was the largest factory, everything happened.
I remembered a cute man with thick wide eyebrows, with whom they
They trembled almost until the morning, when the others went off the distance. I remembered,
Drinking at the brush. At one point, a friend suspected that
His father mulled and began to swallow him by himself. After the fifth drink, my father turned off.
He only woke up in the hotel, and the last thing he remembered was the departing man.
The tractor conveyor.

Surprised by the sudden sight, the father immediately shared
Memories of the first. He listened with his mouth open. He interrupted
Then came the silence:
“There is an opinion that Comrade Brejnev may invite you to visit. if
You will be invited, details will be presented to you later. I just want to warn you that
It is not necessary to take the shit out of the cage. The first thought suddenly, Mark.
Abramovich, by the way, what kind of Tuches is this? Maybe you know? Nothing
We cannot understand.
My father breathed unnoticed. He did not like and used the non-normative vocabulary.
Extremely rarely her.
Tuches is a Jewish ass.
The ass? And what about the ass of Merlin?
Not Merin, but the world of Yin. Leonid Ilyich asked to teach him Jewish.
of insults. Most of all, he liked “Kish World in Tuches.”
It translates to “Kiss me in the ass.”
It really sounds good! Must be remembered. Maybe
to be useful? The first came in a good mood.
With pleasure repeated, - Kish world in Tuches. is right?
is excellent. You do not get worse than Leonid Ilyich, the father again
He breathed.
- Mark Abramovich, what else were they talking about besides Tuches, if not a secret?
If the memory does not deceive me, about the factory, about the beautiful ladies, about the
A whole mess around...
- Yes, the mess is enough... - the first agreed and even wanted to.
Continue, but catch up, - Mark Abramovich, it may be something for you
Need to help?
Probably need it. Yesterday, Comrade Major promised to remove me.
Let it bother you the least. You are now a nominal person.
by Leonid Illich. Without it, no one will ever touch you.

They said goodbye. The secretary handed the father two invitations to obkomovskaya
The base. There, for half the price, my father bought a Finnish suit and Dutch shoes.
A French shirt made of artificial fur. My father's not in Moscow
was invited.

Abrp722 http://world.lib.ru/b/b_a/

A man is driving in heavy traffic behind a truck. In every red
The driver of the truck jumped out of the cabin and scattered.
by the cargo compartment. Then he jumps back and goes. The first
A few kilometers later, he went out again.
along with the driver.
Sorry, but what are you doing?
The one who does not lose the rhythm reports:
I have a load of 6 tons. The body contains 8 tons of cannabis.
I need to have at least 2 tons flying all the time, or not.
will endure.
Translation from http://www.native-english.ru/anecdotes

Nothing ruins the impression of a movie in the cinema as a full bladder.

Conversation with a woman via SMS:
I: I love you!
She: I love you even more!
I: Prove it
It is tonight)
I: Just come up with something not banal, or sex is yesterday.
What kind of sex? That is all nonsense! This is the guarantee of family happiness!

You will not argue.

Automatic Kalashnikov - manufactured in Russia, operates around the world, works with any banking systems. Getting cash has never been so easy.

V-Line

The people! Please make a patent on the phrase house 3! In order not to use anywhere... call it the company, I don’t know at all.

Freelancer is fun.
I woke up, wore my pants and was at work.