The two most... ridiculous ones. The strange ( The rejections I received in the interviews sounded like this:
“You’re not worthy to work as a programmer in our company because you don’t have a car.”
2) “You don’t fit us because you don’t even have a webcam on your laptop”

111: And no one knows who crashed the Crypto Pro site?
Why is external influence necessary? I believe in them, they themselves.

When cloud technologies grow too much, they become fat.

The shepherds are sold. Not a dog but a club dog. Ordinary dogs stand at the border of the battalion. Today brought potatoes, was a witness to how another puppy found a master.
A very wicked uncle, on a jippe (injury - the whole entrance barred) picked a covet and mated in half a voice.
The essence of the claims to life: the wife wants either a Persian bulldog, or a Madagascar sheep, or a Vietnamese chicken.
As a child, I dreamed of a sheep. That’s why I can’t buy myself not so that everyone will envy me, but so that my dream will come true. The pain for their money.
Yeshiva, he is right.

What do you know about mad love? Under the windows of the neighboring house on the asphalt two inscriptions with one hand. The first is "I love madly", the second is "I don’t even want to eat".

You know, equality is equality, but I’t want a burning house to come to extinguish a one-legged one (not in the sense of a high-tech prosthetic one, but in the sense of a firefighter on one leg and one armor, a daltonist driver was sitting behind the bus, and the laws were taken by an oligophren. In the same way, I would not like a person in a position associated with constant communication with people who, due to disability, communicates with people four times slower than a person without it. Just because it inhibits not only him, but everyone who is connected with him. And the bosses, customers and competitors somehow do not rush to tolerate such manifestations of tolerance.

In general, if it is simple and understandable - I am willing to spend an hour of my personal, non-working time communicating with such a person, but when the plan burns, I need to do something yesterday, and instead of doing the work that separates profits from losses, I wait for the end of the replica, my tolerance and education are severely tested.

My friends are on the bus. Husband and wife, both of the age, the most intelligent people among other things, and the husband is generally quiet. Here comes a girl at the stop, all of herself, and pushes a friend's wife quite rude, although the car is empty and there is no need for it.
To what she makes an observation and immediately hears in response a rough rumble, of course, she bursts out of indignation and with insult says to the girl that she said, shamefully so, the milk has not yet dried up on her lips, but so insults. And here, the man who still stands quietly, gives calmly:
It’s not milk...
He said it quietly, but many heard it - the whistle rose, and the deaf girl flew out at the next stop.
The husband later said he didn’t know how he got out.

She: Forgive me for everything.
Dragonforce is OK.
She: What is good?
Dragonforce: Well, I forgive you.
You are an officer? I didn’t write to you to forgive me.

I gave my husband a light alarm a few years ago, as a result we woke up a month earlier to see how he imitates sunrise )))))). He did not act as a wake-up alarm.

Well...

You will tell me what to do with a pale cat that begins to moan and at all.

Cat castrate (I seriously: he will not be offended).
Stir on a silicone filler. This will reduce the odor from the pot and reduce the regularity of its cleaning.
Move from kitteket and pork to normal feed with the addition from fecal onysm (fluid do not think that this is the criterion of feed norms. This is the Yokka Cat standard. where then 300-400 re per cat per month and no shit in the composition. I personally feed a Canadian GO but the price is not for everyone).
Regularly feed the cat his food on schedule and give nothing more, even if he asks. After some time, the cat will learn from the unplanned bite and stop asking for it.
Install ventilation in the toilet.

My grandmother still doesn’t know that I’m doing Thai boxing. When asked where Natasha was going, my dad replied, “Well, she has some RINGS there.”
Hi, I am 22 years old, and I am going to the circle of beating mord

"Sets of 4 measurement tablespoons"

convenient for inventory.
Where do we have a set of 4 measuring tablespoons?
They are stuck in the future.

by Matan

>> and how to open it after you do not get the infection?

>>> And the foot, a thousand devils!

Immediately humanists are visible, unfamiliar with integral computing.
Carro, take the wire...

XX: The whales do not let me go. An adult of 140 tons, Karl!
XY: The tongue of a blue whale weighs 3 tons, straight like an adult whale.
XX: And member 170 cm, as I am straight

(After another attack of the swamp in the chat)
The manager: We are working!
manager: I’ll just notice that I can edit logworks
Programming as well.
Lead programmers: and I can edit the prize
I can edit HTML and CSS.

The Marathon

>> No, this guy doesn’t actually wash there for 2 hours. The dumb hose runs so that before the girl not to be ashamed and not to end before time.

If he is 2 hours only slurring the hose, then "not finish before the time" - is it how much he has gathered to slur it? Will it work in a week?
They’re going to do all the stuff...

Note that the best and worst things happen to us usually in a lying position.

Don’t ask me how I got on that train. It doesn’t matter, as is the fact that the time from yesterday’s evening is running completely idiotic for me. It is important that a grandmother stepped into the wagon from the station "Vyšší Voloček". No, not that grandmother.
She had everything that belonged to such a woman from the city with this name: a moherous take down over a colourful cloth, puffy balloons and a puffy grandson, a young man of twelve years, destined to run for balloons.

After realizing that, "according to the tickets purchased", the relative would sit next to him, the grandson was delighted. But the bull lashed the luggage on the upper shelf - the response to the offer of help was harsh "Don't bite!". She looked around the wagon, picked the victim – it was a madman who offered help with the luggage – and:

Noah, go to there.

The victim once realized that it was not a proposal, and released the space. Stumbling her grandson into a chair by the window, the grandmother said:

Let us eat.

The grandson pulled his head into his shoulders. And in a second the whole car, as well as the surrounding villages, which the "sapsan" flies at a speed of 200 kilometers per hour, understood why.

The grandmother opened the mattress bag, casting the smell of Kotlet into the atmosphere. Following them, a bowl of cooked potatoes and a litre bank of salty cucumbers were wrapped in a towel. Of course, cut bread and a bunch of green onions.
“Happiness will be salt in a spark box,” my neighbor predicted, looking too young and fashionable to remember such details of Soviet journeys, looking at Babka with superstitious horror.

“Chocolate, what’s not going to be,” I also quietly replied.

I don’t know what I was thinking about making this obviously losing bet. Salt has appeared.

“I’m not hungry,” said the grandson hopelessly. I want to drink here. Where is my car?

“Compot,” the grandmother cut off. I cooked on the way. Eat the NOK.

The grandson pulled to the stove, scratched his hands and after a moment got the same stove with potatoes and bread. Snoring, I stood in the window.

“Nuke cucumbers,” the grandmother ordered. And the eggs.

My neighbor and I, who, by the way, nobly shared the winning chocolate with me, walked out for Grandma. She looked at the mountain and asked:

Where are the eggs?

Even confusion was heard in her voice.

Where did the eggs go?

And although they were obviously not asking us, we for some reason split our hands. I don’t know, I didn’t take, nothing to do with it.
Grandma began to get angry.

I cooked eggs in the morning, five pieces, hot. and where?

We quietly sackled.

My child is hungry! The grandmother cried.

For the next ten minutes she turned her balls into the passage, and the whole wagon listened to the heart-breaking story of the missing eggs, five pieces, cool, and the hungry "rabbit", which at this time chewed the cocklet with Olympic calm.

A woman with a baby appeared in the passage.

Then come, the grandmother cried out.

We need to change the pampers. The woman was upset. He has kicked!

The grandmother stood up from the bowls and, stirring the baby with a frog’s gaze, spoke literally the following:

Picked – that is to say, eaten! Do I die of hunger??? The eggs are gone!

“She’s a troll,” my neighbor admired.

“Sorry,” a woman with a baby stumbled, “I didn’t know you also have a little child...I’ll go to another car.
And then the "little child" made a sound that makes 100 percent of adult men after a glass of beer.

I couldn’t hold back anymore, my neighbor and I cried out.

A guide appeared:

What is happening here with you?

It is not your business! The grandmother whispered, recording the balls back. Probably accepted the loss. She splashed into the chair and answered her granddaughter a light but offensive necklace. - And you eat, or my mother will say, I will hunger you!

And then the grandson, who was obviously tired of feeling the wordsless Christmas goose, rose up. He cried out and turned to the guide with a secular tone:

Sorry for Grandma. She lost five of her eggs and is a little nervous.

If Grandma said something, we didn’t hear it: the wagon stumbled so that it seemed that even the windshield outside the window stopped.

You probably think that the next was, as I often do: we talked with Grandma, and it turned out that she was not a Grandma, but a soloist of the Big Theatre, a thin, intelligent and sometimes a violinist, and I just didn't immediately look at it.

by KMM.

We talked about, yes. Taking my gaze toward the remains of the feast, the grandmother asked:
Didn’t they pick up on the road?

I did not collect, I blamed.

“Well, sit now, don’t grumble,” the grandmother replied. The sheep are handless.

Jehovah’s Witnesses were shocked: the young men began to knock at their door with questions: “Do you want to talk about science?”, “Do you open your heart to quantum physics?”, “Do you accept the teachings of Isaac our Newton, who took an apple from our ignorance, our misunderstanding, and our fears?”

I have been sitting on the same mobile tariff for several years, which is considered archival today (you cannot connect to it, but you can use it). Due to the circumstances, my old tariff has many advantages over the new one - it is cheaper, minutes more, and you can still call all over the country as part of a minute package (intercity? I have not heard.) Apparently the operator for this reason and covered the bench, releasing a new line of tariffs, which are significantly more expensive, minutes there are less, you can only call in the region and the only thing that has changed for the better - it added a large internet package, but I don't need it.
It was an introduction, and now it is exactly what it was written for.
I regularly receive calls from the operator, where I am joyfully offered to switch to new rates and with great enthusiasm begin to dictate all the positive aspects of such a transition.
After listening carefully to them, I always ask the opposite question: "And what does my current rate not please you?", they are immediately lost and sadly - "Goodbye.." they put the phone =((