bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №121933
 17.12.2015
Charles Ogier de Batz de Castelmore, Count d'Artagnan is the real name of the prototype of the hero of the novel Three Musketeers. Well, what kind of damn did Duma choose only d'Artagnan? Much better sounded Bach and the Three Musketeers.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №121932
 17.12.2015
The mathematician (M) tells the programmer (P) about the concept of infinity:
M: Imagine a lot. If you take objects and the pile never ends, then this is an actual infinity. If you report into a pile of objects, and thus exceed any predetermined number, then this is potential infinity.
Q: But if you add objects to the pile, the pile will end!

[ + 17 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №121931
 17.12.2015
Soon on Vaska will be convenient to drive - will open metro Touristskaya
YY: When will it be opened?
xxx: Promise to the 2018 World Championship
YYY: So why are they building for so long?
XHH: Sweaters are fast

[ + 8 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №121930
 17.12.2015
In Ukraine opened a monument to George Orwell
YYY: Where is it?
XXX: Everywhere

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №121929
 17.12.2015
The elephant laughs and the caravan goes.
Where is he going?? to
Go to the psychiatrist!

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №121928
 17.12.2015
The act of replacement at work to sign, the phone in the jeans lies.
All things are done, I came to work, I watched, the screen unlocked and the SMS sent:
"E-E-HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
A friend calls back: that’s all so bad, right?"

[ + 17 - ] Comment quote №121927
 17.12.2015
C of Habra:

- In Tor you need to go from the server on the Internet (broken or bought for battle) and before it at least vpn, and as a maximum good chain where there will be a pair of vpn and tor embedded in i2p.

I am afraid to imagine how you protect yourself before sex.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №121926
 17.12.2015
I don’t know if it is funny or not. It depends on imagination.
A week of 2 degrees. There was some ice on the rivers. The neighbor, frankly drizzly, small man, bravely invented to open the season of winter fishing (he is held by the ice thick of the spark, which he is proud of, and familiar fishermen are frankly jealous). I used to carry summer clothes in the trunk all the warm seasons. Picture with oil: morning, snow... He is going for the winter, I pull out of the trunk all summer. We greeted, we stood and talked. I’m with the telescopes, he’s with the box and the storm.
For the last three days, the blackout from the first entrance came out to take out the rubbish. The question corresponded to the situation: - Men, and this... is it already snow or is it still snow? )))))

[ + 22 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №121925
 17.12.2015
Today I realize how compassionate I am with people of this profession. A friend comes in (a pharmacist of category 1), drinks tea, lubricates the bakery with oil, reads the composition of the oil and tastes the tea with that bakery tells about the reactions of the body to the ingredients of the oil and how we slowly die by eating it.

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №121924
 17.12.2015
That feeling, when 7 years he drove on the road, bought a car, came to work on it for the first time, and went home by habit on the road...

[ + 13 - ] Comment quote №121923
 17.12.2015
Why are you so upset about whose apartment? If a person begins to behave in this way towards you, it is not an apartment, but a person. Thank God it arrived on time. If your conscience / ego / principles do not allow you to live in someone else's apartment - pay a flat fee, utilities, food, car, etc. There will be an article of expenses that will balance your mental troubles. If your partner starts to bother you. Whether it is an apartment, food or leisure - send it boldly and you will be happy.

[ + 24 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №121922
 17.12.2015
But did you know that if you let the circular trousers go again, everything will go well again?

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №121921
 17.12.2015
Zoom

Our operator Zhenya bought a new, somewhat inhumane photo lens the size of a tank trunk and dragged it to the editorial office, to boast. In the first, the multiplicity of zoom, in the second, an impressive price, and in the third, because tomorrow from the acidic Moscow winter, he flies on a business trip to some warm islands. In short – swimming takes, shit.
We all quietly envious, carefully stabbed the giant lens and congratulated Zhenya on the renewal.
And Zhenya didn’t mind at all, he even opened the window to shoot something very distant and immediately demonstrate a technical miracle:

Van is out there. See you? The Ments car is blinking, apparently arrived at the accident. Now we will see what they have there.
- Zhenya, we already understood, you have a good lens, good, just close the window, it’s cold.

But Zhenya did not take care, he was already solemnly walking around all of us and silent with a photic, condemned:

I’m not going to say anything, the picture says everything for me. Look, see, you can even see who has entered there and even individual people can be seen. It is cool, right? The bourgeois can do the technique.
Now pay attention to the food store. And yes, the magic. Opa, nifiga yourself, look, you can even see how the grandmother comes out of the door, and the grain has not yet grown. to obey! What a light!

Here from his corner replied the assistant director, Lecha:

- Yevgeny Ivanovich, you should wash your new lens, and also a trip to note. Or order a pizza, right?

Everyone eagerly supported this idea, but Zhenya repudiated that, said, and so all the travelers killed on the lens, and you still need to buy a stativ, then, see... Then he asked for boiling and sugar, clicked the tea and began to wait.
Assistant Lecha disappointedly shrugged his hand and quit smoking.
Zhenya still drank tea for a long time, lingering on our soup.
The body is back:

– Evgeny Ivanovich, oh, are you still here? Well, let’s take a look at what you were looking out of the window with your zoom.
Jenny was pleased to show it.
Lechu was not impressed by what he saw and he said:

Quality and not quality. And I thought.
The FIGN? Wise man, what do you understand? Well, this “fig” costs four pieces of backs, not counting the “tissue.” Nothing so?
Especially a fist. My bauchy phone is better off, and it costs me thirty backs, along with a "gun"
Telephone of O-O? Then no more to argue about, continue to film on your phone.

Lecha opened the window, quickly targeted the cell phone, took a couple of pictures, closed the window, called everyone and began to show the picture with his fingers:

- Here is the Mento machine, I, by the way, even faces and numbers can be disassembled, and you have everything fused into a mess. So, let’s go on, now the food store. Oh, look, I even see the advertisement and the hours of work, and you have a flat count of them. In short, give that fool back if you have not lost the check.

The poor wife, as if she had seen St. Peter, at first could not even blink, but soon took herself in his hands and quietly asked:

“Lisha, what kind of stuff do you have for this phone and in what program do you film?
“Yes, I have one software here, not without it, and the phone is ordinary, Chinese.
Don’t worry, what is the program?
Of course, I’m not sorry, but you have pizza for everyone.

At first, Zhenya rejected, mocked, joked, tried to stretch his hands to the miracle of the phone, but Alexei was relentless, in the morning pizza – in the evening chair. I had to order three large pizzas with wings and juice.
In solemn silence waited for the carrier, Zhenya paid and all immediately stumbled on food, and Zhenya on Leha:

Tell me what program is that?

Alexey chewed a large piece of pizza, drank it with juice and replied:

Let me tell you, where am I going from you? And the program I have is the most ordinary, regular, but shoots quite decent, I highly recommend, but there is a lot to run. While you drive for an accident, you shoot mints, while you run from there to the store, and this is a serious hook, by the way, you wrap up. The whole back is wet. Take the pizza, Yevgeny Ivanovich, or it will not be left.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №121920
 17.12.2015
Everything is logical with the cancellation of the indexation of pensions: if we continue to index pensions for working pensioners, then there will be no funds to increase salaries twice the working deputies.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №121919
 17.12.2015
Habyan: One day I had an asshole at home and an older brother came with his friends. We went to play mortal combat and my sister, in turn, wrote puzzles to all my brother’s friends.

Greydark: You’ve never played Mortal Kombat, I understand.

[ + 16 - ] Comment quote №121918
 17.12.2015
Design and robbery are very similar: "Everything went wrong at once".

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №121917
 17.12.2015
Who has studied...
For me, as a physicist, an episode of lightning is entirely irritating, and the way they pronounce gigas or gigas does not roll at all, because lightning usually has a power of the order of a terawatt. But at least the screenwriters know that power is measured in gigawatts, not in gigawatts, and thank you for that.

[ + 17 - ] Comment quote №121916
 17.12.2015
Comments on the article on what scientists are working on condoms based on hydrogel

putnik: I wonder how the test is going. Do people have sex in the same hats as in the picture?
Pavlick: and around there are people in white coats with tablets, but for some reason all the experiments show the dissatisfaction of the subjects.
Amarao: Plus this happens in the MRI machine, which knocks and in which tightly, a cold passage blows, and the specialists around do not stand, but periodically measure the pressure and take blood samples, and on the finger a plug to measure the heart rate.
Oh, yes, even testing is double-blind, that is, neither the researchers nor the subjects know whether they have sex or they were given a placebo.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №121915
 17.12.2015
Is this country okay?? to

No is
not all
Some are illiterate.
Pulled into the wrong place

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №121914
 17.12.2015
"And honestly – how is it?"

Here we also those who chase teas and sit in social networks during working hours, believe that it is fair - it is equal, not according to the output.

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