bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 63 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №55122
 18.10.2011
A small northern town, at this time, it is already a minus at night.
I took a taxi to the post office in the morning.
I went on foot and dressed in the summer. I go cold.
I hear the same taxi coming in and the woman-taxi driver offered FREE to bring home with the words "I go there".
I’ve always been skeptical about advertising (divorce and all that), but this woman won my heart!

[ + 60 - ] Comment quote №55121
 18.10.2011
America’s mind is understandable.
Arsenic is measurable.
Being is nothing special.
Believing in her is not necessary.

[ + 58 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №55120
 18.10.2011
There are two people in the corridor: a black cat (in a red cloth) and a daughter behind him.
My daughter runs:
Look at the Musketeer!
I am :
and Nea. This is a guard.
And only then came the idea that tormenting a cat is bad.

[ + 47 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №55119
 18.10.2011
News: "The mayor of Odessa planted 6 pine trees in the area of Arkady"
Q: When does he do his job?
Man is looking for himself...

[ + 48 - ] Comment quote №55118
 18.10.2011
It is as terrible as a nuclear war.
y: how the atomic war orbits

[ + 51 - ] Comment quote №55117
 18.10.2011
In the evening, after work, I went to the store and bought products. Before going to bed, in order not to forget the work of the sausage, she wrote on a small sheet with a fatty flomaster: "DURA! Take a cupcake"! And attaching a stick to her hat, she went to sleep. In the morning he goes to the subway to work... the man next door sits, pushes her to the side and says, “Well, stupid, did you forget the sausage?”

In the midst of the "orange" revolution, a joke for the sake of the white hat of our courier grabbed a healthy orange mark with Yushchenko and all his guard. They sprinkled the whirlwind, feeling her reaction (she is a fierce supporter of Yanukovych). Who knew that when she was going to go with the mail, she would not look in the mirror, and we would turn around and forget to warn? She returned, almost suffocated me - half a day with a huge agitation on her forehead, she walked around the city - and to the police and to the prosecutor's office, no bastard said anything to her :-), until the security guard stopped in our court :-)

[ + 42 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №55116
 18.10.2011
The girl’s thoughts (the guy doesn’t call after the first sex):
I was too accessible and I don’t care about it anymore – 78%
He didn’t like sex with me – 12%
He is a senseless cattle and he is foolish to fool me - 9%
He is just very busy and has no time to call him - 1%

[ + 50 - ] Comment quote №55115
 18.10.2011
Krasa74: It is said that in the West it is extremely inappropriate to meet on the street. But if the guy saw the girl on the street, he liked her - how to meet her, so that it is decent?
ilovemymonkey: drag her into the room
Yalexey: You can go to the entrance or to the subway. Just in the bushes. meet up there.

[ + 49 - ] Comment quote №55114
 18.10.2011
koriot: It’s interesting, when you’re under 29, you’re a clever, untouched guy, a beautiful brunette agrees with you to reinstall her windows at home for baking. Is that what it is called?

Dusty: At 29 you should go to brunettes at least raise a domain for a couple of thousands of users with affiliates, and not for a cookie, but at least for a cake.

[ + 65 - ] Comment quote №55113
 18.10.2011
There is a group of people sitting on the shift, reading a magazine. I ask :
What are you reading?
The Cosmopolitan
*Look at the cover - "Gaming"*
– is...
The fucking! Remove gambling in the bag, get a cosmopolitan
O_O

[ + 61 - ] Comment quote №55112
 18.10.2011
I now understand how bad people have been doing us since childhood.
A child comes from the garden and says:
We learned a new poem...
Which one?
- "Good morning - I am a deer"

[ + 50 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №55111
 18.10.2011
How to burn ready blenders?
NN: Well, you fill the oil...
How are the cakes?
NN: Yes, like the cocktails.
HQ : thank you.

[ + 55 - ] [4 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №55110
 18.10.2011
Gary Oldman (March 21, 1958) younger than Gary Newman (March 8, 1958) by 13 days

[ + 52 - ] Comment quote №55109
 18.10.2011
The fools, who previously placed the power button above the arrow keys on conventional keyboards, now place it above the Escape key on the laptops keys.

[ + 57 - ] Comment quote №55108
 18.10.2011
A guy and a girl sit in the bus, holding hands.
Part of Dialogue:
You are a girl, and who are you?! to
She is: I? I am your tumor. We are symbiots, I am beautiful and smart, and you eat.

[ + 55 - ] Comment quote №55107
 18.10.2011
by VKontakte:

Alexander removed the page with the words:
I barely found that fucking button.)

[ + 48 - ] Comment quote №55106
 18.10.2011
XXX: The Mirror
Zzz: the grasses suck at the tyrants :)
yyy: I don’t even want to imagine what it looks like)))))))

[ + 73 - ] Comment quote №55105
 18.10.2011
I remember when I was in school. Someone put a scene "when the teachers were young":
The first English words were taught by the boys in the courtyard... and only much later she learned that they were not English words at all.
A computer scientist from childhood loved to work on a computer, but since computers did not exist then, he did not like to work... so he did not like to work.
A mathematician from childhood loved to count to ten, then she grew up and her mother allowed her to count to half eleven.

[ + 53 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №55104
 18.10.2011
I was on the metro today. I listen to music in my headphones. There is no scene. A bald drunk man draws to a couple and says something. The guy jumps up and starts cleaning the man’s face. I take off the headphones and I hear: “Peter is the cultural capital, go on, be it!” The first thought - the man emphasis did not say so.

[ + 57 - ] Comment quote №55103
 18.10.2011
by bulgolga15:
In Russia, there is only one speed limit: the flashing headlights of a car.

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