bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 31 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №64390
 18.05.2012
During the crisis, the saddest stories are credit.

[ + 257 - ] [192 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №64389
 18.05.2012
Taxi

Every year on the 9th of May, my son and I walk around the city in the morning and give a nail to all the veterans we met.
This year, my girlfriend Masha came with her five-year-old daughter.
His grandfather passed through the war and was a knight of three orders of glory. He died at home from wounds in 46. His grave thousands of kilometers from Moscow, in the distant Kazakhstan, here is Masha and wanted to pass on to his grandfather a flower and a good word, through still alive.

My son and I bought a clot of cloves in the morning, we waited, we waited, but Masha never appeared. Suddenly, she called, soon apologized, said that she could not talk after driving, and then called again.
No, no is not so. He did without her, even though he was a little offended.
Late in the evening, Masha called again and told this story:

"For six months, our home phone has broken out of the chain.
Every day, five times a day, I get caught up with some drunk urds and try to call a taxi. My number is one zero different from their controller’s phone.
What I just did not do, and I complained and hamla, even all the rhythms to the word "taxi" studied... As soon as I take the telephone and hear - Ale, a taxi?
I immediately get a response like this:
“Bite a bite, go away from the army of the Kosi, the broken chassis, and even the Khanty-Mansi...
And here today, my daughter and I gathered together to meet you, we are already at the door, suddenly a bell, a phone, and from there a male voice:
And a taxi? Happy Victory Day to you.
I just wanted to say - "drip off", but I didn't have time - this "Victory Day" confused me. The voice continued:
Do you have any discounts for war veterans today, May 9th? I am not far away, but I must...
As I hit my head, I shouted:
No worries, there are discounts! Wait at the entrance, the grey Mazda car will be with you in fifteen minutes. A girl driving.
I come to Kuzminki, two aunts (apparently neighbors) take out a veteran with a cradle from the entrance. The old man, his mouth opened, breathed hard, medals bowed to the ground and smelled like it smells of all our grandparents. It smells of comfort, old books, feathers, children’s soap and walking clocks.
We go to Sokolniki. They talked. Pavel Ivanovich said that there, near the fountain on the bench, he is waiting for an old friend Vadim, they have fought on the same front and each year have met for fifty years.
We also talked about the discount and I confirmed that, yes, the controller did not cheat - the discount will be, do not worry...
Parked and Grandpa stumbled, not knowing how to be, first to expose the coffin from the car, or the leg to lean?
My grandfather didn’t come out of the house very often.
I asked to carry him. He was afraid that it would affect the price, but he did not refuse help.
We came to the fountain, passers smiled, gave flowers, photographed with us children, and a friend of Vadim, something is not visible...
Pavel Ivanich worried, went down on the bench and began to name him.
Everything is irresponsible. No one took the telephone.
Then he began to dig into his pockets, pulled out an old woman’s wallet and asked:
Madonna, how much do I owe you? You go, and I will sit, I will call, I will wait.
I say :
Don’t worry, take the money, can I take you home?

And the grandfather suddenly cried, as if he was coughing:
I knew so. Wadiq did not live until May 9. not survived. He does not take the phone.
What am I now...?

Passers approached the crying parade veteran, increased his multi-haired bouquet, congratulated, smiled and went on. It seemed to everyone that the old man disturbed his attention and military songs.
I walked up with him and started raising my grandfather from the bench:
Get up and go to Vadim. Where he lives?
The road was not close, a friend lived, up to Golitsino, but I didn't care, though in Vladivostok.
We came, wandered for a long time, found a house, I somehow dragged my grandfather to the second floor. I called into the apartment and nobody opened it. Neighbors came out and said they hadn’t seen him for a long time. Pavel Ivanovich began to suffocate and I took him out on the street, into the air. They went down for one flight, suddenly the lock clicked from above and a loud voice was heard:
Pasha, where are you going? I hear the phone calls as he got up from bed until he arrived. It didn’t go faster, the back was shaken. Sorry, I didn't go to the fountain, I couldn't, and the phone hit somewhere. It calls, but where does it call?
Pavel Ivanovich, became even more suffocating and spoke swallowing words:
- You what, I was waiting in the Sokolniki, I called, I thought that all... a fool - you are a fool!
They climbed into the apartment, while I found Vadim’s uncharged cell phone in a tank with dirty linen, they drank a slice of vodka and my grandfather asked a friend for money for the way back.
Here I admitted that I would not take a taxi driver or a penny from them.
When it was already dark, she took the old man back to his Kuzminki, though not for free, the nails still had to take...

[ + 50 - ] Comment quote №64388
 18.05.2012
A sister came to visit with two children 2 and 5 years old...The cat suddenly appeared dead!!! to

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №64387
 18.05.2012
I am a real woman.
I had a dream, a nightmare.
It was as if thieves had entered my house.
Were they raped?! to
HGH is worse! They took all my tubes and handbags out of the bathroom!!! to

[ + -12 - ] [5 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №64386
 18.05.2012
Hi little boy.
You have a baby in your pants. And I am Nastya.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №64385
 18.05.2012
From Rouen:

Motorcyclists have more privileges on the road. They are not surrounded by iron.
They are surrounded by many trees and land.

[ + 54 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №64384
 18.05.2012
“If you at least once a day say thank you to your body for everything it does for us (with sincere gratitude and love), you can significantly increase the vital tone and even cure many diseases.
You can thank individual organs and even hair, nails and teeth.”

Y: And if the breasts thank you, will they grow? I really need it! ? ?

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №64383
 18.05.2012
xxx: Web 1.0 – content is generated by the creators of the site.
xxx: Web 2.0 – content is generated by the users of the site.
If you follow this logic:
xxx: Web 3.0 – content generates itself.
zzz: Web 4.0 – content generates users.
yyy: WebZen – the content is not visible, but it exists.

Habr

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №64382
 18.05.2012
I am fat (
What criteria do you use to determine that you are fat?
She: I don’t get into my old closet.
Buy a larger closet!

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №64381
 18.05.2012
11:39:59: X: fucking, these idiots are discussing who is cooler, Liu Kang or Sabiro
11:40:57: Y: sab ziro, of course
11:41:03: Y: really idiots %)
11:41:20: X: =)))

[ + 60 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №64380
 18.05.2012
Why do you call me "Andrei", and not "Adjusic"?))
ууу: Because you are constantly someone sitting, you do not want to clean pop-up messages for some unknown reason, and I don't want to look like such a surprising girl)))
I have removed the pop-up windows.
My favourite princess
See also: Zayndr!
I love, I love, I love my midwife
HHH: And I too! And I too! I love my catchy.
I kiss you, sunshine
ууу: Now you can boldly write plans for terrorist actions or overthrow the current government, all agents have gone to blame))))

[ + 47 - ] Comment quote №64379
 18.05.2012
@Zverenka My mom has a wonderful taste of meat!!!! // write us users of the culinary community on Одноклассники

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №64378
 18.05.2012
Message in the chat:
Can anyone borrow a cat? Remove a broken egg.

[ + 57 - ] Comment quote №64377
 18.05.2012
I told you about my pretext: as soon as I complain about something, the problem solves itself. So here. Remember, I complained that I hadn’t seen my breasts for three years. all, the problem solved - their own, fucking, grew up

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №64376
 18.05.2012
I sat with a friend in the park, passed by two boys for 7 years. One of them says, “Let’s go, girls, we’re going to take the chopsticks? Don’t go so old fashioned.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №64375
 18.05.2012
Review of the male cardigan on one of the sites:

Client of Igor:

Cardigan is good. What a long! I wear it like a dress :)

[ + 36 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №64374
 18.05.2012
XHH: And throw it away, our will decide to remove their "Game of Thrones"
Blackjack and the prostitutes?
XHH: With the Handless
Tag: and dog
The epicity will be until the cramps X_X

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna