I have two friends. We call them Sasha and Vadim. Both work in the kitchen as chefs in the delivery of sushi and work on a shift. He comes to me in his weekend sacha to talk and smoke. In the conversation he asks me:

Have you not seen Wadiya?

Last time, what is it?

“Well, go, I call him, and he takes the phone and immediately says to me, ‘Go! “I was rushing here. I guess I know, but no! I re-call, a long clutches go, again takes the phone and immediately "Go, a! " I do not know what happened. I go to work to talk to him.

Didn’t you mess with him? At work what?

Apparently everything was okay.

Go out and find out. Strange what happened to him.

Eventually, having agreed on other topics, he left. It was more than half a working day and Sasha decided to look at me again. Remembering the conversation, I ask the first:

What did Vadik send you there?

It is OK. I just called him because he was drunk at 5 in the morning.

In the summer, I often go out to stand on the balcony with a naked torso. A neighbor through several balconies with a young son also go out to boil the bubbles. They look at me and talk about something. Then Dad shouted to me:

Fey, where did you get that carpet? ! to

At first I looked around, looking for a carpet behind me, and then I guessed they were joking about my hairy torso. Both are bald like drums.

Dad gave it! I began to answer.

So it continued for many years, and the joke began to grow thick hair, like the neighbor's son who marries every year. Kolya, his son, by the age of twenty and a little got completely hairy and became like an orangutan.

Where did this carpet come from? ! to Is it time for me to ask a question, pointing to the neighbor’s son?

The neighbor said nothing, only looked away and went into the apartment.

I was 9-10 years old (end of the 90s, early 00). At that time there was a super popular group “scooter”. I liked their song "How much is the fish", and then I watched the video on TV.

Disaster Scooter, Childhood, Trying to Escape

My childhood heart loved Eich P. Baxter entirely. I immediately bought their cassette (the CD was not yet available) and listened to it to the hole, dreaming of a beautiful prince.

Here Papa brings a magazine of 7 days and there is just a huge article on 3 sheets with the main soloist and a lot of photos. I kissed these photos one evening and here on the radio host tells how a girl from Russia stuck home to a member of the group “five” (whose eyelid in the eyebrows was) and he let her in and drank her tea. Here, in my child’s brain, a plan immediately matures. Since we lived in the Moscow region, I planned to get by electric train to the Moscow Station, and there to take a train to Germany. Then someone would help me get to Eich P. Baxter’s house and he would open the door and marry me.

In the school dining room I liked sweet popcorn and I ordered my sister to buy me 4 packs (as I remember now, I took 16 rubles from my soul and left myself 50 rubles on the way to Germany). Why I didn’t buy it, I don’t remember. In the evening, I put 4 packs of sweet popcorn and 2 bananas in a huge old wallet. The next day, after school, I ate tightly, wore the best sporting suit, a white shirt (it was a warm September) and tied 2 tails with straps. And here I stand in front of the exit, look at myself in the mirror and imagine how upset Mom and Dad will be. My grandmother and sister will cry. They will look for me, and I will be so far away. In general, I was so angry with compassion and love for myself that I broke up and went nowhere. Soon my mother came from work and I told her that I couldn’t get to school, and I was crying. And she looked at the photo of Eich P. Baxter, cried and ate her supplies to escape.

The more I listen to journalists at various summits, the more I am convinced that they are all birds—papagaies, crabs, and canary birds. They can only whisper and repeat what their masters taught them.

Any teacher, working in school for many years, in the topic - how much children-social-idiots with mothers have grown up in recent years, curled with knowledge about the correct and healthy upbringing of their insignificant children.
Every fool and prosecutor knows exactly that children cannot be punished, otherwise their gentle, hard-to-educate psyche can collapse and grow up unknown what. But with the help of new trends, it is known that - a two-legged human shit.
As was previously the case in our terrible socialist childhood in the camp – for the wickedness, the shamefulness, the slothfulness, the boastfulness, the lies – there must have been a tough response from the boys all over the world. One for all and all for one, and if someone is going to cheer, then the educational procedure in the torsion and the tables immediately socialized the child and brought him to feel. But now down. The whole power of the rule of law lies in the protection of the fools, who can only be raised by admonition.

So then. A famous pioneer camp in history. International Children’s Centre. Like then, the most talented children get the trip. Previously, these were children, purely by chance, of obkomovsky, gorkomovsky, hornoshny oblonošnych and so on. Officers and executives, but this is not the case. You know how.
And here one of the daily days, the head of the security service of a serious state company goes through the camp. The father asked secretly to check how his son lives and rests there. The head of the SB, as it was appropriate, looked at everything, everything seemed to be fine, but looking for a profile in the toilet - a little stumbled. In a shining bowl and smelling roses, the toilet in one of the cabins was squeezed and squeezed. What a shit, asked the head of the SB at the camp guard. You understand, he says. There is a Russian boy in your squad. He refuses to wash himself. This is not a bar. Our warnings and prayers do not work on him. He is dumb like a pig in a laundry.
And the parents?
He lives with his mother and we don’t know anything about his father. Mother whispers that the boy is so accustomed and we are not going to raise him. Who are we against her? All, grit, I buried if you picket on the Ruslanchik.
Couldn’t this idiot just be put on the horns? Making a dark?
You are what! Mommy she sends here all the stuff, the type is cooler than herself.
Do you speak yourself? What is this mother’s name? Chicken is. So is so.
Well, our head of the SB went to the boss for a report.
A week later, Ruslanchik's mother arrives from Moscow at night. Silence takes the child out of the bedroom.
Going around the corner. And in a minute, a double whistle is distributed to the entire "marine" squad. Mother cries and cries her baby. In the absence of the woman's belt, the mother licked her son with a branch of acacia. It was hard for her leaders to get rid of it.
The next day, Ruslanchik unexpectedly discovered the ability to wash in the toilet, say thank you in the dining room and abruptly ceased to fuck out. Laughing at all. What happened was told by the BJP chief.
He just called his friend and told him about the situation. He, being not the last person in the General Prosecutor's Office, called the general chief of the same lady and gently asked why in his company, the boss of the company, in senior positions, do the babies, unable to teach even their children the rules of behavior and hygiene? And why are their children so fucking in front of the children of even more respected people? Who gave her the right to that? He understood the hint and sent an order to organize the chief of the Petush department to wash the toilets on the general floors. Until she learns herself and teaches her skills to her relatives. And my mother explained in direct text that fucking she would be in this reality the last...
A very effective remedy for scabies turned out to be, unfortunately, rare and expensive.

PS What surprised me in this story. Humanity has evolved over millennia and the experience in education also has a thousand-year history. So what a fucking kind of foolish people suddenly decided that punishing children is a universal crime! But if a young creature does not understand the meaning of words at all, then another source of knowledge, worked out on the tapes of millions of our fellow tribes, has the world historical right to life. And Ruslanchiki will quickly become normal people, learn to appreciate not only themselves and the notion of boys major will finally disappear from our lexicon.

by 2025.
In the Code of Criminal Procedure of the Russian Federation was introduced the article "Reaching the retirement age", in the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation was introduced the article "Vilty exceeding the retirement age".