bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №145728
 19.10.2017
Reminded about the elections.
In the neighboring room lived Bukhari Kolyan, after whose death it turned out that neither relatives nor friends were going to bury him, so all the documents were issued by me, the death certificate was with me. Elections were soon held in the city. I come to the polling station in the morning and see that Knee is on the lists. As a clever woman, I pointed out to my aunt the mistake, went home, brought her a death certificate, so that she could cut out the knee.
Six months later, new elections. I come to the polling station half an hour before the closure, the passport, and Kolyan has already voted!
I was 20 years old. What you didn’t believe in childhood. Even in elections.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №145727
 19.10.2017
I’m never insulting people, even puppets and puddles like you.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №145726
 19.10.2017
“Bazar” by Henry Lion Aldi. The guy gets to the barracks, where things are sold to people. He risks to fall into the abyss there forever, but he is saved by a jacket that he loved very much, long and long wore and happened to have lived in it the brightest moments of his life.

How much does this jacket cost?
Nail, it is I who sell it!

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №145725
 19.10.2017
One of the first clandestine rules in the command of the U.S. Marine Corps set for themselves by their commanders sounds like: "Don't lie down, fuck, your guys are cool, they will do their job, don't interfere with them, don't do too much."

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №145724
 19.10.2017
Q: It is fun. Previously, they said "Girls will dry on it", and now "Girls will flow on it".
There was no sex in the USSR, so it dried up.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №145723
 19.10.2017
I’m not so worried about telling a lot of crazy jokes, but rather that I can come up with a good half of them or complement them on the go.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №145722
 19.10.2017
The call was now.

Good day! My name is Vadim. We monitor the quality of Internet and television services. There are a lot of complaints about the quality of the internet.

Sorry to interrupt, how many complaints?

Well, a lot...

So how much?

Well 15.

Did you know that this is a private house and there is only one owner?

Sorry... hanging the phone.

At least amused.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №145721
 19.10.2017
If an elephant runs in front of you, go away, you will meet the one from whom it is fleeing.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №145720
 19.10.2017
The lady with the sting:

I looked at the kids at school today when I was taking theirs away. Here in the form (it includes a shirt or shirt necessarily) it is perfectly visible, whose parents are ruined to buy a shell, and who "modern fabrics in the shell do not need". Well, this is a personal affair of everyone, but the third class, especially the girls, and the irritation can start. Learn in advance to give what :) once such principles in the family.

Is it not? Just some of my kids in swimsuits, boy polo shirts, and trickery girl shirts, no one ever bothered. In the list of the 100 best schools of Russia, our school is not in the top ten. In primary school, I remember, at the gathering somehow hinted hard on poplin shirts and classic shirts, but we decided that it was better to read or walk with the children than to have fun with the oak all night.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №145719
 19.10.2017
There is a contactless zoo. (Photo of the cats)
Type - feed the feed, and do not touch the skin?
and UGU. An unprincipled creature.
Just like kids :)
to the point.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №145718
 19.10.2017
here here :

Video to the studio, how you wash the shirt for 7 minutes )) Very looking forward to this twist )

Well, that is, an hour is not a turn, but 5-7 minutes is a turn? Something is wrong with you, seriously.

Theatre costume workers smooth a men’s shirt in 40 seconds. These are the pervers, right?

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №145717
 19.10.2017
from recall

On a common ticket, you can ride in a armored wagon in a bunch of wild babouins. From this trip, the son just ate, so he was so happy to see him like him.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №145716
 19.10.2017
xxx: Can you somehow determine by the sound of the keys which password the user enters?
Yyy: If he puts him on the piano, it’s fine.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №145715
 19.10.2017
I don’t understand people who are drunk writing to ex. I’m usually so upset that the only thing I have to write is this will.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №145714
 19.10.2017
He took care of me in 11th grade. Everyone is good, an outstanding, a winner of all kinds of school Olympiads, and a face-to-face. All my friends were jealous of me. We were friends at first, and then it ended. No one knew why, and many in the class considered me a cold-blooded man. The guy gives gifts, and she is still nomadic - does not take, it would still be a super-beautiful girl, and then the most ordinary girl, not a bad guy of course, but not a beautiful woman obviously.



I didn’t tell anyone the reason, but now I’ll tell you. The case is long ago. He accompanied me somehow to the house, although he lived in a different micro district. And then, along the way, a local spaniel came to us, saying that it was time for us to share money and pieces. The hat was immediately taken off of me. I didn’t have time to look around, as my prince wasn’t there. This is real – he just was there – and he is no longer. Only dust in the column. The cops climbed and let’s roar: “Well, you’ve found a guy! "It was really offensive - straight to tears, although they did not touch me, even the hat was returned.



The next day he himself approached me and, hiding his eyes, said, he said, there was no other way out, and I still run fast (the school record on the hundred meters is still mine), I could overtake him.

[ + 38 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №145713
 19.10.2017
I operated my brain a lot, and when I opened the skull box, I never saw a mind there. And conscience too.

Yes Yes Yes. And yesterday I removed the hard drive with the comp and developed it, and I did not find any programs there, only some shiny circles on the stick. There is something hidden from us ;-)

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №145712
 19.10.2017
xxx and wau recall a joint trip to Italy and a Venetian mask store:

It was a great mask!
and no.
XHH: Imagine how beautiful it is to crawl in it!
No, I will not introduce you.
I will give you everything right away if you leave.
WOW: Here is the name.
In such a mask you can slide for a whole year...
UUU: xxx, this is called "hop-stop".
K.O.L. Y.D.K

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №145711
 19.10.2017
My wife and I were driving in a bus, but we were sitting in different places. We prepare for the exit, a boyfriend is behind me, and a wife is behind him. We get out of the bus and at the same time give my wife hands. Second confusion, she takes my palm, the guy instantly turns red and begins to move away. I scream, “This is my wife! and. When he turned around, there was such relief and a badly hidden joy on his face that we could not hold back the laughter.

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №145710
 19.10.2017
Replacement of imports

Oh, the Germans are the Germans! Génzel and Grétel Hänsel und Gretel), diminishing German names from Johannes and Margaret. 0 - O

And in Jora from George, Shura from Alexander, Lola from Olga and Nure from Anna, nothing surprises you?

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №145709
 19.10.2017
xxx: Interesting, and if you find a part of someone's finger phalanges in the sardine, is it in the supervision to call or immediately to the police?
yyy: In the bureau of findings, the police now have no deal with such a figure - someone is openly walking on blocked sites on the Internet. The most important problem, apparently, is not.

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