bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №153458
 19.12.2019
We rested with a girl in the south, bought there an inflatable mattress. We took a break, took a break, it was time to go home. We started collecting suitcases and realized that the mattress is not needed because it is heavy and takes up a lot of space. We decided to give it for free, preferably for people with children. It would seem like a hideous task, but it is not! We started walking and offering our sailing, and we are all scratching! People have lost faith in humanity and honesty so much that nobody believed us, everyone thought it was a divorce. As a result, some as given to aunt who had 3 children, the happiness of the children had no limit. And the aunts even when we wished a good rest and said goodbye, looked at us with suspicion.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №153457
 19.12.2019
My family and I came back from Crimea a couple of years ago by car. The road is long, to the home is more than 2300 km, so my father and I replaced each other for the wheel, and at night, someone from the whole family did not sleep, so as not to leave the driver alone, or if little and he will fall asleep - the night road, it is such, to fall asleep behind the wheel is easier.



So it turned out that part of the night we and my father were asleep, and so that he did not fall asleep behind the wheel, I decided to tell him one story that I never told anyone.

Don’t laugh too loud to wake up others. Remember you gave me a long time ago, when I was small and we still didn’t have the internet, the computer disc encyclopedia “Kyril and Methodius”?

I remember it was like this.

In this encyclopedia was built an interpretative dictionary, that is, at that time I could find the definition of almost any word. Do you know what definition I found?

Hm, and what is it?

I found the definition of sex. And I will tell you now. Sex is a set of physical and psychological reactions, experiences and actions associated with the manifestation and satisfaction of sexual desire. I taught it, in case you and your mom ask if I know what it is. Then I would give you a definition and look at your amazed eyes. I remembered it all my life, probably twenty years ago, and you never asked me!



My dad was laughing.)

[My] Memories of Childhood Talk by Yumo

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №153456
 19.12.2019
Here is one of the main merits of creativity: you can not be a worker and not work, but you can be a writer, even if no one reads you.

[ + 45 - ] Comment quote №153455
 19.12.2019
The Subjective Portrait =

There was an unpleasant story with me, two guys tried to bomb me at night for money. It was his fault, he returned home drunk. Half of them succeeded, but I also managed to record both peppers on the phone.
Immediately on the hot tracks called "our brave service", which is dangerous and difficult. While the "service" arrived very quickly, in just half an hour, these wounds, of course, fell.
I was taken to the department and received a testimony. They wrote a paper called "Direction to Subjective Portrait".
They explained that the photographer of the attackers could be made.
The next day I came to make a “subjective portrait.” Behind castles, turnikets, barracks, a girl sits with tired eyes.
About an hour, we and her in some police special "photoshop" mounted black and white photorobots of the bandits.
It turned out, of course, Ahung as realistic.
My video from the phone did not fit her (she said that blurred faces, and not quite in the profile). But, and so it was clear that she did not get it anywhere and she was not going to do anything.
Well, well, she continued to publish a cartel of criminals, which have already been illuminated in previous years, and note the numbers of those who are similar to these subjects. I sit down...
5 minutes, 10 minutes, half an hour... How did I know that there were about 6,000!
In short, in an hour and somewhere around the 4,000-ninth rose, I was just tired of looking at these criminals.
Moreover, it began to seem that all of them began to merge into one Swander’s face, which is just laughing at me now.
Thankfully, the subjective portrait girl’s working day has ended, and we decided to postpone the matter to the next day.
And in the evening of the same day, I decided on the computer to find out what are the facial recognition services. It turned out that the services existed, but have long been closed by the authorities. However, at least one still works (for money, of course).
What I will not say (I don’t want him to be covered).
I took the mouths of the bandits from my video from my phone, inserted them into the search and... voila! Literally immediately got the profiles of both guys in the social network. The networks! with names and surnames. One profile was very old, apparently the password was forgotten. Another is a little more fresh, but not visited for a long time.
It turned out - two acrobat brothers with the same surname, very similar to "Schwander".
The next day, I am pleased to rush to the girl for a “subjective portrait.” I take screenshots of accounts, surnames and even the phone of one of them.
She kills in the file of their FIOs and finds both "subjective portraits" (a couple of years ago they were already illuminated somewhere).
It would seem that this story should end with a hip-end. But not. We are no longer in the USSR.
The investigator exactly one month later sends a "refusal to initiate a criminal case".
Guess for what reason? He went to their address, but no one opened the door to him. The bandits were not identified. I now have the opportunity to appeal his actions to the prosecutor’s office. This is this!
I remembered another moment. I almost immediately asked that portrait artist girl, do they have facial recognition systems? Do you know what she answered? I watch a lot of fantastic movies, but in real life this is not the case.
All the curtains. Make the conclusions yourself.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №153454
 19.12.2019
Mom, I am on the internet.
VPN is out!

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