bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 43 - ] Comment quote №156015
 19.03.2021
My friend told me that he had a man at work who was in a helicopter crash, which I don’t know, I won’t tell. Well, all the catastrophe he slept dumb, but was busty, but was just tired. They woke him up when everything was over and the helicopter slid down the slope of the mountain. This man all the time worried and mourned that he did not feel the feeling that they experience when falling and crashing. I said all survived and I did not, all slept, could have awakened me before.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №156014
 19.03.2021
We needed a new assembly in the state. We found a person, say, Sasha, with some little experience, sent to a more experienced colleague, discussed Z / PL and so on. He started to work (well, to study, in fact, because he had a little less skills developed). Two weeks later, after receiving the first salary, he says that he needs to go on a weekend to a neighboring area, to his homeland, to a friend for a wedding. Monday is like a sting. It’s Monday, there is no one. I worry, I call – suddenly what happened. In the phone: "I will be here a little late, until September, things are urgent." In the courtyard - about August 15, 2015. It is clear that no one was waiting for him for two weeks, found another employee. But the joke is not that.

On September 2, 2016, my phone rings, and someone says with a confident voice, “Hello, this is Sasha, ready to start working, can I go out tomorrow?” A year and two weeks! A man walked at a wedding - so he walked. But back in September.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №156013
 19.03.2021
Late in the evening, taxi

- And, here, you understand... whatever I do - everything is not right for her, - turning in such a trip, tells me the story of his life another passenger.

Carlisle is hanging! The nail that was struck is not in that place. Even if we are in the car, not in that lane! And so in everything! Always dissatisfied! Always criticized it.

Trouble... Trouble

- And then he started to lay the laminate, so she stood up over me, controlled me, and at some point began to scream that I was doing everything wrong again, picked up the laminate and started laying it!

Yes, it’s a problem, I’m breathing.

This is not the problem! The problem is that she really puts the laminate well!

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №156012
 19.03.2021
Ostap Bender knew 400 relatively honest ways to take money away from the population. Now he could become a successful manager of the management company.

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №156011
 19.03.2021
In the late 1990s there was in Israel a famous thief and passenger - Motti Ashkenazi. Moti has been industrialized on the beaches of Tel Aviv, has been on a short leg with heroin, but all of Israel simply adores him and knows him as a hero. All because of one story.
The case occurred on June 20, 1997.
Recidivist Ashkenazi was once again arrested, but violated the conditions of house arrest and went for a walk to the beach "Jerusalem". It was a special day – the last day of schooling, and a huge number of schoolchildren had fun and bathed throughout the classes.
Naturally, the entire beach was just an “unspoiled field” for Ashkenazi – everything was filled with schoolchildren’s wallets and their parents’ bags. Moti did not waste time for nothing and quickly chose a more expensive bag. He professionally approached the bag, sat on the sand nearby, opened without looking, touched a towel, sunglasses, but the wallet did not fit. Ashkenazi pushed his hand deeper and trembled - the bag was filled with nails.The beach thief looked around - tourists were sunbathing nearby, children and adults were roaring in the water. Moti again opened the bag wide and looked inside the box with the hose and the clock mechanism. Ashkenazi immediately realized that in front of him - he grabbed the bag and that he had the strength rushed to the street of Geula, where there was just an abandoned building. If the thief had been stopped by the police, he would not have been able to explain his transformation into a terrorist. But Moti didn’t think about that at the time.
Moti left a bag-bomb in the old abandoned house and rushed to the phone. The thief told the police: “I found a bomb! We need sapphires! urgently! They broke the name on the base and advised to bind with the drug, and for violating the conditions of house arrest promised real arrest. Ashkenazi returned home with a bomb and began to pull out the garbage containers on the road, trying to block traffic on Geula Street, accompanying all this with a wild cry. The police had to react to this - the deboshir was caught, but in any case they went to the abandoned house to check...
The police flew out of the house immediately and immediately called the sappers. It turned out that the bag was filled with five kilograms of explosives. Later it was established that she was brought to the beach by the same terrorist, who three months before it made an explosion at the café "Apropo" in Tel Aviv. After that, police closed all cases of Modi Ashkenazi and removed all charges against him. The man was sent to free rehabilitation, where he underwent a course of treatment for drug addiction.
Now Ashkenazi is 50 years old, he has five children and a great job. The former thief lives in Tel Aviv and works as a beach inspector - now no beach thief will escape the vigilant eye of the "expert", and Mothi is very attentive to homeless things on the beach.
Alexander Sarto

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №156010
 19.03.2021
Do you want a change of power?
At least we are guilty.

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