She read the crypt-story, painted the runes over the door of the office. And they worked!
An advertiser from the bank, telling about new loans, went with his trembling to everyone, but not to me. He stood under the door for a long time, but never crossed the threshold, and then silently merged. Oh well!

Even if on the way to the guest made an asphalt...

Boris: Sisadmin is a man who can do anything he wants with any numbers in the company's computers. Therefore, Sisadmin is the only person to whom the accountant calculates the salary on paper.

Why do people pretend to be fools when they really are?

This is:

There is no U.S. embassy in Pindostan.

If a ruler in Pindostan suddenly clings to the throne for more than ten years, he will arise. US citizens are obliged to do so by the U.S. Constitution.

So let’s count...
1989–1993 – George W. Bush
1993-2001 Bill Clinton
2001-2009 – J. Bush Jr.
2009–2013 – Obama, Secretary of State H. Clinton
2013-2016 - B. Obama, GS - J. Kerry
The year 2017???? by H. Clinton? Very likely...
In the rest, the Bush and Clinton clans have been changing their friends’ asses on the throne for 27 years and will change for a long time.
Truly democratic change of power - agha-aga.

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There are many diagnostic methods in urology. Despite the fact that progress has gone a long way, one of the possible studies for prostate diseases is a finger rectal examination of the prostate (the easiest and cheapest method that can be applied in any situation). Of course, such manipulation is unpleasant to most patients, but there is always a place for humor.

In particular, a colleague last week performed a rectal prostate examination. And only she started inserting her finger in the same place that someone called the patient. Well, as a ringtone sounded the song “Kaifuem! Today we are with you.” They all laughed. The study had to be postponed. The honor of performing it fell to me, and Rington was already different.

Listening to phone calls on the street

The word holiday does not mean you have to go to work.

Today, when I turned on the TV, I accidentally stumbled on "Let’s talk". There, a 15-year-old boy lives with a 38-year-old woman and everyone is around, quarrels and generally everything is as usual. Malakhov announces a commercial pause and Galkin immediately appears in the box.

You will be proud of the length of the penis until they start to insert a catheter there.

Shoes and Shoes.

I usually clean up before the arrival of guests, and then, depending on the weather and external data of the guests themselves, they can take away at least everything.

When I was a child, I had my last milk tooth. He found his 6-year-old daughter, asks, said, why did not take his mouse from you? Her mouse always takes her teeth at night and puts a glowing rubber under the pillow in return. “No mouse has come to me,” I say, “so it lies.” In the morning, I understood why he was dusting for so many years. I look at the window, and there is a rubbish and a note written with a crazy handwriting: "This is my mouse, I have smashed that you have a tooth, I will give you a denge for it.

This story was told by a neuroscientist. They brought one day to them by ambulance a young Gypsies, who, according to his own statement, refused the lower half of the body. In the process of clarifying all the circumstances of the incident, the camp arriving with him tells that he has a young passion from another family, who decided to move to another place of residence. It immediately becomes clear that this guy simulates the failure of the legs, but it is necessary to somehow bring him to clean water, and to his family to show the absence of the disease, allegedly beaten their son. Psychiatrists give him two pills of furosemide (diuretic) and give him aminazine intramuscularly (in such a dosage that the main instincts are preserved, but that he is not able to produce highly intellectual activity to simulate disease). And in the presence of relatives, some half an hour later, this young man crashed a bullet from his bed in the direction of the nearest toilet. Applause and curtains.

I come to the Russian Post - I need to send a letter (with important papers). After a long wait in line, I approach the box and say:

You need to send this letter in the fastest way.

What a woman, looking at me, answers with an indignant face

Young man, you have come to the mail.

Canakau: why bite something that doesn’t get fat?
The Diamond: Nails

from ZH:
• Accidentally found myself alone with the TV, watched the domestic series. I finally understood what intonation the actors had. This is the voice of the hostages on the films that al-Qaeda sends to television channels.

Now the posts about inadequate grandmothers are popular, and I remember a story that happened literally recently.

I rent a room in a residential house. And among the inhabitants there is one grandmother, just a miserable, in the real sense of the word. Global conspiracies against humanity, constant screams, screams. Write complaints to all instances. It tired everyone - both tenants and tenants. But in principle, if you agree with her in everything, she just told me what all around the parasites, how she would show everyone and left.

The story of the elderly at home.

This grandmother comes to her and begins extremely motivated, with screams, handshaking and foot-topping to tell that the sanitary workers, who are sitting in the basement of the same house, want to destroy the house. They say they pour water, and it washes the ground under the house. With her, of course, agreed, said that they would definitely deal with and conducted. I went to the sanitary. Everything is okay, they only separate their hands.

She after a short period of time ran to the city administration, to the municipality, to the district. With the same problem. Having a reputation not of the best, I did not get any reaction anywhere. As a result, she took the camera and broke through the battle to the sanitary. took a photo. After that, there were disagreements.

And what do you think? They actually broke the floor in the corner and poured water there from the stands. Regularly and in large quantities. It is not that they poured water out, issuing bills to the residents. It was confirmed that this part of the house had begun to sink.

This is how my grandmother helped the whole house.

In Russia, either the past is heroic, or the future is bright. The present is always terrible.

Another story from television.
They filmed the film "The Love Formula", in particular the scene where Abdulov and Farada sing "Uno Momento".
Alexander Abdulov, of course, is a wonderful artist, but he knew perfectly that neither hearing, nor voice, nor musical education, neither he nor Semen Farada.
He was also a very offensive man.
And when they sang, the entire filming group fell under the chairs because they didn’t get into a single note.
Abdulov rebuked and said (not literally, of course, but the meaning is this):
What fucking thing? If you don’t like the way we sing, then call out normal singers, let them sing behind the frame, and we’ll open our mouths.
This is common practice in the cinema. But Zacharov answered them with an immortal phrase:
You do not understand. Every musical penetration is a film’s luck!
They sing in the movie themselves.

The Titanic sinking. First class passengers are already in the boats. The rest still listen to the captain’s speech that the icebergs are beneficial to the Titans.