The Animal Planet. Scene 1: show the mother of a giraffe with a baby. After the baby is born, the mother hides it in the bushes until the baby becomes stronger.
The next scene: a flock of lions lying down swallow their bones, rubbing the last pieces of meat. The commentator continues: "But it’s not always effective."

X: We’ve been re-writing with you for a year, you’re such a crazy girl, maybe we’ll meet in real?
W: You can, but you will be disappointed.
X: Yes, I don’t count on much.

I didn’t sleep today.
WOW: What is it?
The cat woke up at 5 in the morning.
Oral to Oral?
No, it came on the face.
HH: It is accidental.
HHH: Maybe it is.
Kill for that! And you what?
HHH: I told her!! to
WOW: What is it?
HHH: Well, it is...
WOW: What did he say?
She is my sweet girlfriend.

Sitting in the cinema at the Evil 5 Abbey, Alice is questioned:
Project Alice, who are you working for?? to
Voice from the room:
At Sberbank of course.
The room could not come in for 2 minutes.

From the bike post, about the fact that animals anticipate bad events.

Every morning, as I go to work, the chorus begins to get angry in the cage and break the door.
The temptation to believe in signs and not to go strong is incredible)) The question is how to convince the bosses to believe my horny?

Are you cooking delicious? I am asking as a man.)
YYY: I... well I don’t put the tea badly.

Photo of a car struck by Belaz
Alex:> In "Mercedes" crashes "BelAZ". From "Mercedes" no one leaves.
Arman:> Try to get out of the two-dimensional world into our world.

I was given a smartphone Samsung, I have a question: Can I not watch the videos and news about the iPhone? And not screaming that he is bad? Or is it mandatory now?

from ZH
XXX is shit.
YYY : Why?
xxx: Because you are an unrecognized genius and I am a conservative society.

I sell an apartment. 10 minutes to the garage. The garage is not sold.

Advertising of dog food. The dog all rotates and snatches, and at the same time "speaking":
Is it it? Is it it?
And I sit, and I am tormented by vague doubts: why does the dog call food "it"?

From the discussion of the new iPhone and Samsung C3
XXX: fuck, I have nails 2760, I am all satisfied
YYY: And it is discharged once every two weeks, right?
XXX: She doesn’t sit down from shopping, bleat!!! to

XXX: Knee scratched, completely eaten
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY O_O
XXX: I’m going to visit. in his toilet some old book on electronics lies, and instead of putting a tablet

...
XXX is a point!
yyy: Occupational disease of the Aitishnik?

Commentary on the news of Bands "Orenburgez died while trying to spray a jet engine":
XX: I don’t think he did that for a good life.
YYYYYYYYYYYYY Without the brain is life.

SMS from a friend who just bought a touch phone:
A great TNT! I am almost drowning!”

The Medical Humor.
I worked as a security guard at the hospital. I come to work, meet a familiar (x) surgeon.
Q: Have you heard the news?
I : No
X: Narik from the sixth floor down his head
I: Who has found it?
X: I have found it. We held a meeting on the first floor. And suddenly the blow and the glasses are covered with red spots, which is somehow unusual at this time of year...

XXX: I’m having 2 problems now)))
YYY: worms and foreign?

Yesterday I went to a restaurant with Natasha. I ordered Caesar. They brought a small drink. And next to a healthy man and a boy - they have this Caesar twice as much in the plate. I ask the waitress.
Why is my portion so small?
We have a standard of so many grams.
xxx: But, I say, those two have three times the portion.The waitress is a little quieter:
The man is the master. He goes into the kitchen and makes as much as he wants. The man next to him is his son. He really does not like to go here with his father, because he makes him eat everything he imposes, otherwise money for pocket expenses will not be seen.
XXX: And adds even more quietly:
xxx: If you want to have such portions, ask him to adopt.
XXX and goes away.
XXX: O_O

XXX is fucking! Judging by the lion’s share of your jokes, you’re a racist, a homofob and a sexist!
I would call it differently :)
XXX: How would you call it?
and emm...
Selective misanthrope!