bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №120173
 02.11.2015
Mazenrad: Today I dreamed of all the flies! Irene is unrelated.
O-o-o: Did I have dreams?
Mazenrad : No.
I never dream of you! I dream of you, but you don’t. You do not love me!
I love you, Angel. very strongly. I remembered that you dreamed. It just flew out of the head. Do you believe I love you now?
Oh, you don’t like it! I am a heresy for you and all kinds of shit!

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №120172
 02.11.2015
A typical bucket with a bucket.
A couple of years ago, we were invited to the sub-Moscow water park. It was about 3.5 small. She whispered gladly (but loudly) from happiness. And suddenly some vanity among the servants of the aquapark, run there and there, mocking each other. About an hour and a half later, they approached us and tearfully asked the child not to whisper. It turns out, her whisper one-on-one whisper sound, which they call each other, if something happened" - it is they really hoped, unlucky apparently, that you will get to the fact that the loud sharp sounds in the performance of your child are not all pleasant. Then I decided to take a tactical approach. Good people, at least the reason invented.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №120171
 02.11.2015
Memento_mori: Our employees are a simple song. I went in today alone, talked and I was surprised to find out that she lives near work, if you go directly on foot, then a maximum of 20 minutes (that is, if you are quite slow). But she goes here for two (!) transportation (there is no type directly from there), spending about an hour on the road. Our work is located to the forest behind, to the city in front, a bus stop near the entrance. I walk through the forest (I am so close to home), its road is all in the city.

Q: Do you live so close? Why do you go here instead of walking?
I am afraid to walk past the cemetery.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №120170
 02.11.2015
I decided to quit smoking. Just even the last bowl for memory to leave, so that the children after many years to boast. Well, the last one should be a normal cigarette, from expensive. Well, so with each next pack I thought that "Okay, I will smoke this, and with the next pack I will definitely quit". In the end, I was obscured: I just switched to more expensive cigarettes!!! to

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №120169
 02.11.2015
In general, to the subject of caring for the child and the man is a surviving boy.
My mom wasn’t frightened about leaving me alone. When I was four years old, I set fire to the curtains on the balcony. The good density of the material and the sense of self-preservation made me quickly extinguish the fire with my palms.
When I was 5 years old, I decided to put a naked fork from an old telephone into a rocket. I felt it was 220 volts.
He went to school from the first grade on his own. From village to city. 1 km. Walk to the stop, cross the road. Then 15 minutes by bus, then another 1 km. Walk through the city. (Only my mom showed me the road once and I went this route for 10 years.)
I went to sea with a friend for six years. No one was afraid of us drowning.
At the age of seven, he turned his head down from the second floor. No fractures or fractures. and luck.
At 9 a.m. on the desert, the carbide was wrapped into bottles of champagne. Comrade broke his fingers, a little hit me in the forehead.
At the age of 10 in the winter on sandwiches from the hills flew between the wheels of zila. Luckily, I managed to get out of the car. In retaliation he took my abandoned sandals, damn.
At the age of 11, he popped with a friend and his fathers for hunting. He accidentally got a crack in his neck. Fortunately, the artery was not affected.
At the age of 12 on the big from the mountain carried "without hands". I almost hit the bus. has passed. But that day I turned to him specifically. The scarring on the chest reminds me of today.
And then I took my mind and nothing like that happened again.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №120168
 02.11.2015
XHX: We went here for a horror movie (as stated in the poster) with Vin Diesel. He is a witch hunter.
A horror movie? Was it not scary?
Xhx: Nothing is terrible with Diesel!

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №120167
 02.11.2015
In any case, a note for memory.

The round column - Pleonism
The square column is an oxymoron.
The cloak hanged - a catch.


[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №120166
 02.11.2015
A good friend had a fire. Crying in the bump of my grandmother's house, they didn't have time to insure the house - finished. Everyone is alive, but there is shock and hysteria.
I create a petition on social networks, and since it’s at night, I’m wrong with one number.
I'll be called back in an hour: the number is not wrong.
I check, I am scared, I am correcting.
The information has gone to the people.
By evening, I’m told that the phone is just being removed, and tomorrow they’re reporting a lot of different words that the uncle knows by the wrong phone number (sorry, good man!)
After two days, I talk to a friend, we discuss this topic, she again translates everything into negative:
The man was tortured...
I think of an old anecdote:
Call me at that number and I know where I’m wrong. Ask my uncle, has no one called me?
She laughed for the first time in two days.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №120165
 02.11.2015
The guy is constantly sleeping on the diagonal of the bed, occupying all the space. Recently there was this dialogue:
How long can I sleep on the diagonal of the bed?
Well, let’s turn it a little, maybe I’m a compass?

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №120164
 02.11.2015
Svetlana> the mood is not very, because yesterday I went to visit Katyuska and we drank a bottle of wine with her
Sophia> all
Svetlana> for two!!!!)))
Svetlana> somehow blows up today)
Svetlana> I understood why Russian intelligence has always been like that 
Svetlana> in reflection and depression

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №120163
 02.11.2015
At work was an employee of the type of "bag without a pen" - a relative of the boss. In the work he meant little and did not want to understand especially (why?It did not hurt, it did not hurt, thank you. To wash it under various pretexts for two years tried repeatedly, but without a particular result (except that to walk the work he became a little less frank).

The boss changed, the whole team died in expectation... In general, our suitcase died out, pulled its own. And we all now happen to the old one, even if it was pretty outwardly!

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №120162
 02.11.2015
Women, they are like this: a little, and immediately after six months a scandal!
No patience or understanding.

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №120161
 02.11.2015
*Opennet, Facebook Nuclide Editor News, comments*

XHH: Another wrap around the Atom. There is nothing better than Sublime Text.
yyy: How many errors in the word Vim
zzz: With all my respect for vim, I think yyy still meant Emacs.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №120160
 02.11.2015
Pistaches are the only dish that needs to be eaten with the help of squashers.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №120159
 02.11.2015
There is a good advice: in order not to crash on the plane, you have to fly with some oligarch!
Snow cleaner: with a Frenchman on a falcon
GriZli: Well... with Christopher de Margerie.
Or with Polish politicians?

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №120158
 02.11.2015
I began to notice that the gas bill in my grandfather's apartment was higher than usual, and significantly. I decided to check because my grandfather rarely cooked. We live in the same house on different floors and bring food to him. I go to his apartment, I watch the gas burn just so, although the apartment is so warm without it. It turned out that the grandfather kept the gas on constantly, in order to save the lights. Savings of lights, Karl.

[ + 30 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №120157
 02.11.2015
The teacher told a couple. She was a former mint, and she remembered the story of her colleague, which was very "funny". As if they had a shooting, and her colleague, a young girl, shooting, dropped the gun.The gun fell and shot again, fell to the girl right in the big toe on her leg.The girl looked at the shot booth for about a minute from which there was still a small "smoke" and the blood was already seen, having issued the phrase "Blyin, I only wear them for 2 days, for such angry money I bought it slowly began to lose consciousness..."

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №120156
 02.11.2015
He has a teenage daughter and a first-class son. He says, both of them ask, “Mom, how much time will you come back?” Only the younger is afraid that the mother will be delayed, and the older - that it will come early.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №120155
 02.11.2015
Cat: The powdered color...is like beige, shrunk into pink, but not pork.
Alex: Yes, you’ve deceived, we just learned the peach color.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №120154
 02.11.2015
It is said that in a big city people are more tolerant than in the countryside. This is simply indifference.

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