bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 47 - ] Comment quote №140155
 02.04.2017
The farmer Mikhail Shlyapnikov from the village of Kolionovo of the Moscow region is known for extravagant outbreaks. For example, he prohibited officials from entering his estate unless they present a certificate from a psychiatric dispenser and fluorography, as well as the charter of the authority they represent. Fluorography is considered by Chlapnikov within a week, after which he puts a red stamp "reject" and sends the documents back to the district center. “As they are with us, so are we with them,” says a farmer who professes the ideas of scientific anarchism.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №140154
 02.04.2017
Comments under photo:

Q: The candlestick?
See also Murmansk.
These northern cities are all in one building.


[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №140153
 02.04.2017
I am Hemingway, dear editor!In the past, the company was called SanTechResource, a normal, sound name. Now decided to change the name to "Everything for sanitation". It seemed like nothing unusual, but today I saw a check on which the big letters were OOO "VDSM". Blade to blade! The name change took place on April 1.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №140152
 02.04.2017
And he will come and bring forth spring.
And disperse the grey cloud of troops..."
Well, I don’t know where he’s going there...Pushovik I’m not risky to shoot yet.


[ + 32 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №140151
 02.04.2017
From the wall:
A young man came to me asking for help. He said he hacked my game, but despite the comments, he can’t understand how my code works.
And I don’t even know how to explain to the new generation that when you steal intellectual property, you shouldn’t seek explanations from the copyright holder. Although...
It’s like saying to someone, “I stole your wallet. But pizza was not enough. You’ve got your pockets, maybe you’ve got some more money.”

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №140150
 02.04.2017
The paradox of the Internet community is that the desire to maximise its expansion automatically signifies a decrease in the “input board.” To become clearer and easier and more fun - you need to descend on those stairs, to which it is not difficult to climb the audience. Therefore, starting with the "elite" communities, along with their growth, slide to the breasts, cats and gifs, the man rides a bicycle and here the heracles and fell.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №140149
 02.04.2017
Vladimir Lukov: It is better to eliminate the foolish mayor who initiated this shameful act for the city. Let there be a city without a mayor, but with Isaac!

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №140148
 02.04.2017
XX: I’ve heard that the smart bulbs that are delivered to some countries know how to hide from unconscious individuals (according to the list on the entrance door)
YYY: Some nonsense, smart bulbs at the first opportunity emigrate from some countries

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №140147
 02.04.2017
C for the New Year! I’ll give you a little more snow.
Your Santa on April 1, 2017.

[ + 25 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №140146
 02.04.2017
The most frightening thing I’ve read as the administrator of one joke (now a long-comed) group is the message that "Fedor Vasilyev, a member of 827 groups, wants to join you".
Fedor is alone in 827 groups. There is nothing to read, no one to talk to, no one to argue. The circle of his interests is too wide for the ugly information ghetto in which Fedor is forced to dwell.
He walks in his ghostly blue polo and wants more friends.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №140145
 02.04.2017
Amatorero: asked today on April 1st of a friend, who is a chemist, what the numbers near the bark mean, well, for example, E110, she shouted that, say, this is the number of diseases that this food supplement can cause.
Maybe I didn’t get rid of it.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №140144
 02.04.2017
Dogs also think that humans cannot talk.

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №140143
 02.04.2017
I am waiting for a dentist. From the far end of the corridor, where the child's doctor receives, there are heartbreaking cries. The baby is crying so hard and so long that my nerves can’t stand:
God, what are you doing with the child?
A man passing by:
They do nothing, they try to get into the office.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №140142
 02.04.2017
Every day, returning home, Peter read his wife’s family status in the “Odklasniki”. “Married” means all right. “Divorced” – his home is waiting for a scandal. But when he read The Widow, he realized that she had learned about her mistress.

[ + 30 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №140141
 02.04.2017
It was fun to hear young people talk on television about the causes of poverty who never felt hungry.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №140140
 02.04.2017
The Telepatic Designers

And I have the opposite reason to raise and take something heavy into my hands: woe-designers "And I see it!". Planned to build a house. I come to the office, please help with an individual project, I list very clearly what is strictly obligatory in the house, and what should not be. Big windows across the wall and white colour all in a row – the last whisper of fashion, how you don’t understand! There is no TV and there will be no TV. I will, I said! Your guests will die without him and you will have problems with the law! Furniture is just that and there are no styles except minimalism! I’ll go to the office on Monday, but I’ll go to the office on Monday.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №140139
 02.04.2017
Good joke: The Internet did not believe the death of Tutankhamun when he fell from a bicycle.

Of course shit. Tutankhamun died when he fell from a hoverboard.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №140138
 02.04.2017
Mr. proud > In connection with this spring weather, everyone started to get sick and therefore in the office the disease-paranoia reached its maximum scale. He sneezed yesterday a couple of times, decided not to annoy the girl in the office, put on a mask, produced the opposite effect.
J@h > In the sense?
Mr. proud > They started pushing home with a double force. I felt like Frankenstein.
The Peasants: A! On his fire!! The villas and the torches!! He is dangerous!! to
Frank: Yes, I’ve already put on the mask, the pill is drunk, what else do I need?
The Peasants: A! He is still talking! Do not speak on our side. This is an old tradition, don’t break it.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №140137
 02.04.2017
Gagarin did nothing, he lay down. c) the wine

Gagarin appeared from that world and offered Loise to lie next to him.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №140136
 02.04.2017
<Julio> What does "galla" mean in the word "galla-concert"?
This means "galactic", because at such a concert all the aliens who were accidentally brought to Earth by a cosmic wind are gathered.

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