I went home with my daughter on the train from my grandmother. In the morning, I wake her up, I say we come in, Daddy will meet us now, we need to gather. While she turned the bedroom to collect, the daughter began to wake the man from the neighboring shelf and a child's "shuff" on the whole car - uncle, get up sooner, daddy will come, you have to dress! No one slept anymore, we were accompanied out of the car under a friendly whistle, but the daughter of just a good uncle, who served her sweets in the evening, wanted to introduce her dad.

My wife took a toy from her hand. When I arrived at the home, no one answered. I call the number, the woman says she went to the store, soon will be.

I wait for 15 minutes and see a woman with a boy of five or six years. A package of products. I approach the entrance, asking you, you are from such an apartment. I get a positive response. I asked for help in delivering the package.

The woman gives the package, opens the entrance door. The dialogue continues, and the dialogue continues:

Q: Are you in our house?

I : Yes.

We enter the entrance.

C: Oh, you have the same package as us.

I: Yes, that is the same.

We approach the elevator.

Q: Uncle, what floor are you on?

I am on the sixth.

C: This is our floor.

We get up and go to the apartment.

Q: What apartment do you have?

I: Here is this.

A: This is my apartment.

The woman opens the door, we enter.

The boy turns around, looks at me and says:

Uncle, we don’t have to stay overnight. I have a dad.

Okay, I will not.

He laughed with a woman, took a toy and went.

And then how it came. I thought long.

There is no need for such an electorate.

One day, at the end of the 1990s, the secretary of our general (I don't remember how she was called, like Ira, let it be Ira, what a difference) called, and a man at the end of the wire, presented as an employee of the Babushkin ROVD, asked if there is a citizen in the staff of our enterprise. He named Fio a citizen.
Ira worked in the company for a year without a week, and not all employees knew not what by name, but even in the face. But the name, which the law enforcement officer named, was well known to her. It was the name of the general.
It works. – confirmed Ira, and clarified: – And what, forgive me, happened?
In response, the police officer with a tired voice that the citizen was detained by the employees of their department in an absolutely untouchable condition, that he disclosed that he resisted during the detention, that he caused material damage to official property, and the issue of initiating a criminal case against him is now being decided.
Sorry, why are you calling here?
Therefore, the employee explained that the citizen had no money, no documents, nothing but a package of business cards with this phone.
Here, Ira had some noise in the tube, and the voice somewhere in the background began to yell out non-memberly insults and threats. It was difficult to understand what the speaker was shouting, but the voice definitely belonged to her boss.
The interlocutor turned away and shouted somewhere by the phone:
You have to hide him! Take it and lock it in the monkey!
Have you heard? If, before the end of the working day, one of the relatives or fellow servants, no matter who, comes to the department, confirms the identity of the citizen, pays a fine, reimburses the material damage in the form of two broken buttons on the uniform of the senior sergeant of the patrol-post service, then it will be possible to arrange everything and make it an administrative offence. If not, then in the evening the citizen will go to Siso, and how it will be there, no one can say.
"Sorry," said Irma, "can you introduce me again to whom I should speak, if anything?
- Grandmother's ROVD, - the interlocutor answered clearly and separately, so that Ira had time to write, - senior investigator major Pronin. If I suddenly don’t find myself there, just go to the officer. By the end of the day, the decision will be in its competence.
The first thing Ira did, after the major hanged the telephone at that end, was to tap the boss’s number. The subscriber, as expected, was unavailable. However, it would be unavailable in any case. Because it was at this time that the general was supposed to be in Sokolniki for negotiations with the Japanese. Irma knew this very well. They all knew.
Then she took the reference book, and found there the phone of Grandma’s ROVD.
Bu Bu Bu Bu Bu! He was presented at the end of the service.
Hi to you! I said IRA. Can I hear Major Pronin?
of whom? Asked the officer.
Senior Investigator Major Pronin. I have clarified IRA.
After a second, the officer said to someone past the pipe: "Major Pronin is being asked. “Where is Major Pronin?” – “Tell me, he’s gone. Take the gang.”
Major Pronin is out. Can I help you something?
No thank you! Irene said and put the phone on. The last doubts that the boss was really in trouble dissipated her.
Therefore, IRA was in a very difficult situation. She could not consult with anyone, because she had the reputation of the boss. It was necessary to act quickly and independently.
So she went to the accounting office, took the money under account, called the driver of the accelerated office car, and went to the other end of Moscow to rescue the boss from the chain legs of orders.
It is necessary to say that upon arrival it quickly became clear - no citizen with the name of the chief, as well as no major Pronin, was born again in the Babushkin ROVD.
How is it? IRA was confused. Why not there? I called you an hour ago! You told me that Major Pronin was out!
You would have asked me more about Commissioner Megre. Do you know who Major Pronin is?
Irene nodded her head negatively.
Oh my God! He told someone behind his back. Generation of tamagochi and chupa-chups.
Then he turned to Irene again and asked.
What number do you know today?
Ira sneezed, looked up at the ceiling, and said.
Of course! The first April.
First of April, Major Pronin! Destroyed the officer. Go home, you have just been struck!

All the way back, Ira was thoughtfully silent, and only when they approached the office she suddenly asked the driver.
– Volodya, I’m sorry, but you don’t know by chance who Commissioner Megre is?

By the time IRA returned, the boss was already there. Hearing her story, he immediately ordered to find Leo. No doubt in whose hands this affair, the boss did not even arise.
However, Leo went into a deaf unconsciousness. He swore that he was sitting in the dentist’s chair all morning. He opened his mouth wide and offered the boss to look at the hole in his tooth, which allegedly still smoked from the drill. Eventually, in the absence of direct evidence, the boss shrugged his hand, and Leo got away with a slight fright. He acknowledged the authority of this scam only almost a year later, at the New Year's corporation, being not quite sober when the danger of retaliation passed.

A few words about Leo. If the saying "I am a fool, and your jokes are stupid" was invented and not about Leo, then he made an incredible effort to fully conform to it. The whole office knew of his pathological passion for all kinds of jokes and surprises.
However, in fact, no fool Leo was, and his jokes were different, from the most harmless, to those for whom they could easily take off the butt.

For example, when one night he chaotically changed the numbers on the service gazelles from our fleet, he had to take a week's leave at his expense, until the outraged drivers stopped interested in his health.

Or the harmless fireworks in the form of a bottle of champagne, which he brought to the accounting office, with the words "it's you our clients asked to pass on." And when the bottle instead of the golden drink began to erupt from itself a pillar of fire, smoke, and wind, the entire accounting lay under the tables. After that, the principal declared Leo an office terrorist and personal enemy.

Or when one day Leo didn't get his favorite cocktails in the office dining room, and he with the words "Let you squeeze your cocktails!", went out the window right from the fourth floor. And when everyone wept and rushed to the windows with screams, he came back and said, "Well, well, so and be, persuaded, sausages so sausages."
And most importantly, absolutely everybody knew that it was under this window hanging a building swing, but the effect of surprise worked smoothly. As a result, Leo managed to get rid of a couple of backbones, and one of the chefs had to be fed with nitroglycerin.

However, the jokes are jokes, but even the most frozen trolls have taboo, or as it is now common to say, red lines. Such a red line for Lova was Margarita Nikolaevna, the head of our department. Margarita Nikolaevna was not just a boss, she was an authority. Even the general spoke to her downwards.
Our small department consisted of only four people, and occupied a rather spacious room on the second floor, in the far corner of which the chief’s office was fitted.
That day, somewhere after lunch, Margarita Nikolaevna came out of the office and said:
I went for negotiations. I will no longer be here today, until tomorrow.
The loss of the chief, however democratic it may be, brings a note of relaxation into the working atmosphere. Therefore, as soon as the door behind Margarita Nikolaevna closed, Leo collapsed in a chair, threw his hands over his head, put his feet on the table, and said:
and yes! Do you know that tomorrow is April 1st? Do you think we can make a little surprise for Margarita Nikolaevna?
“Lyve,” said Yulia, our operational officer, “and go in your ass with your surprises!
No, I am in a good sense. said the lion.
He shared his idea.
“Let’s,” he said, “blow up a lot of balloons and fill the cabinet of Margarita Nikolaevna with them. Do you imagine? She comes in the morning, opens the office, and from there balls, balls, balls!
The idea was not bad. The main thing is harmless, not stupid.
and normal. How many balls do I need? I asked Julia.
Leo threw something on a sheet of paper and gave it in a minute.
Well, somewhere, probably six hundred or seven hundred balls.
and oh! Yulia has swallowed. Where are we going to get so many balls?
How about where? I was surprised by Leo. In Aachen of course! I have already agreed with Nikolai Ivanovich!
In the economic department of the balls really was at least a drink of food, they were purchased wholesale to decorate the stands at exhibitions. There was also a compressor. We closed up in the department, and the work got stuck. It took us three or four hours to do everything. When we finished, the door of the office was closed with a lot of hard work and a pleasant whistle.

In the morning, neither light nor dawn, we were already sitting in our seats, awaiting the appearance of Margarita Nikolaevna. Before nine she never came.
At 15 minutes she wasn’t there. Leo was already worried and upset when at half ten his phone ringed on his desk.
Lions and Hello! - said Margarita Nikolaevna at the end of the wire. Are you okay? I am late, and I have a request for you. Be my friend, I have a red leather folder on my desk. Please take her, I’ll wait at the phone.
And your mother!! I broke through the teeth of a lion.
And while Yulia and I were holding the door opened, he was on his four legs, thirsty and motherly, crawling through the balls deep into the cabinet. A couple of times inside the cabinet loud cotton and mat was distributed, and finally with a red folder in the teeth of the Lion came back.
I found it, Margarita Nikolaevna!
“Please open it,” she said.
Leo opened the file.
There was nothing in the file.
Margarita Nikolaevna, there is nothing. The lion said surprised.
It cannot be! Margarita Nikolaevna said. Look closer, it must be.
Leo stood with a cell phone in his hand in front of an empty folder.
There is nothing, Margarita Nikolaevna! Just a bullshit!
Here is! Margarita Nikolaevna said. That’s exactly what we need! On the first of April, my dear. What do you think you will do next?
Margaret Nikolaevna laughed and laid the phone.

He stood there, my dear mother. The whole office ran away to cheer, and watch Leo, with two bullets in front of him, shouting, “Yes, I saw such jokes in the grave!” goes to attack the balls.

What is the maximum discount you can offer me?
and 100%. You pay nothing, we do nothing.

Hehe, so we had a joke, we urgently needed Sisadmin, and here we conduct a dozen interviews, the whole department comes up with questions, tests, and so on. Karoch, in 3 weeks we choose a candidate that everyone agrees with, the guy is really crazy, a huge experience. We confirm him. The final interview with the Investor General. Eventually he will be paid his salary. We told him all about him there, he agrees in everything that said yes, prof, all that, I don't shout, but once you chose - then okay, I trust you.



Karoch, he enters him, and... leaves in 15 seconds. And he leaves. There is no scene. As the head of the department, I didn’t understand what kind of shit.



Director, what have you not seen? He has an ear in his ear, he is a pidor, I don't need them, I sent him to the nakher."



and ghetto. A kind of uncle.