bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №154353
 02.06.2020
We have a new designer. In the dining room, please tell us what you are interested in.

He says, “Well, I like to eat quietly.”

[ + 17 - ] Comment quote №154352
 02.06.2020
It is symbolic that the first day of summer, June 1st, fell on Monday (a heavy day). Given what is happening in the country and the world, summer promises to be as difficult and unpredictable as spring.

© Dmitry Sviridov

[ + 13 - ] Comment quote №154351
 02.06.2020
The Black Customs

Part 1

Once upon a time, we had two trainees from the middle seaside. The guys were a “hurricane”: each of them was just like that student from an old sea joke:

How much is in rumble?
Here I stand alone!
Idiot, what is the course?
The second! The Baku Seawalk!

So... here the storyteller has to long and thoroughly fill the tube with scented captain tobacco. Unfortunately, I have not smoked for a long time. Many years ago I decided to smoke while bunkering a ship. So half of the crew gently poured me with foam from fire extinguishers, and from head to foot. And the other half rushed to the layers, where they prepared to immediately jump overboard at the first signs of the beginning of the explosion. After I had washed off all this foam, the captain solemnly promised me that the next time we were alive, he would feed me all the papyrus he would find on the steamboat. That same evening I tried to swallow one papyrusine for the test. All - I no longer smoke.
So... I remember where I started: let’s go back to the practitioners. Starpom, protested them and was terrified. Giving the practitioners into slavery to the Botsman, he said, “These are real hurricanes!” In the hands of them nothing but dining appliances, not to give, on the open deck not to release, but on the shore to dismiss must be, suddenly our glorious crew will be lucky, and they will be lost. "
The practitioners were not lost anywhere, and by the intensity of their negative impact on the crew and the ship, they were indeed almost comparable to a tropical hurricane. One day, after listening to my narrative about the harm of smoking and the possibilities of tobacco cooking, the practitioners decided to quit smoking urgently. To do this, they threw all their cigarette reserves out of board and took from each crew member the "honest word" that no one would give them a cigarette, no matter how they asked.
And some day after three, they burned almost the entire supply of tea on a steamboat and began to get to the ficus in the captain's cabin, not realizing that the ficus was plastic. And here we enter one of the ports of North America.

Part 2

Is this your banknote? He asked “State” and showed the court doctor a five-hundred-dollar bill.

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №154350
 02.06.2020
Roscosmos was buried, two batteries were broken.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna