Brother: Why is your camera eye on the notebook glued with a piece of sticker? I have seen a lot of things lately...
I: Are you watching me?
Special services of Ukraine? And what do you think this bite will help?
I: - What a secret service, such a protection!

Wonder Woman claims 15 nominations
This is the story of a strong, independent woman, forced to perform feats instead of these damned men. I think 10 Oscars will definitely take, but 15 is unlikely, for this it was necessary to add a black gay with a difficult past to the film.
WOW: Or she would eventually say she was a man before.
ZZZ: And also the Negro

A rape in which a woman does not mind is probably when a man is raped. Other options are not invented.

I remembered the most stubborn shit I’ve ever seen.
This joke was made by my husband on a fan forum called My Little Pony. And the entrance question there sounded like "Pony meat is a pony or a concept?"

September 27, 2017 – Playboy magazine founder Hugh Hefner died.
October 18, 2017 - Playboy magazine for the first time named a transgender girl of the month. and :-(

Whoever comes to us with the ball, we will lose. c) The Russian Federation

And how would people treat deductions, how and what their money is spent, if each month they had to personally go and give a third of the money they earned?

The Third!! The PFF!
My friend, if you get 40,000 rubles, then the employer pays you about 65 trillion rubles.
Then of them 30% in the PFR and FSS, then 13% - the NDFL. They do it for you.
Then you get your forty and, attention, all you spend them on, also contains VAT 18% (well, with small exceptions).
Additional taxes (alcohol, cigarettes and fuel) You do not drink, you do not smoke - that means you pay tax only for fuel both directly and as part of the price of the goods (the same transport was delivered to the warehouse and to the store). Plus property and car taxes.
Approximately, this is about 15-20% of your remaining money.
Now count - if your work costs 65 rubles, you get 40 rubles on your hands, and you really spend 26 rubles on everything. And 39 thousand rubles for you gets the state. And they also ride on foreign markers, "repair" roads and everything else.
Consciously? Of your salary, you have 26, and the officials have 39. They all come up with ways to cut you off...

Tania is crying loudly.
The Honour of Tanya
Honour, a big goose, not a ball
Must be guarded

to this
Q: It is fun. Previously, they said "Girls will dry on it", and now "Girls will flow on it".
There was no sex in the USSR, so it dried up.

Previously, it was believed when love was real - that a person in love from unshared love ceases to eat, sleep, etc., thinking about the object of his passion. From here and "dry"
in the meaning of "dry", i.e. to lose. And to the sex organs it had nothing to do with it.)

It is true! Lord the capitalists! Take me to work at one of your enemy intelligence schools, where I will show you how we really live for a lot of money. I don’t know the secrets of the military, but I’ll teach mentality. Connect to IP.

No, Artem Pogorjelov, residing at the address: Mr. Barnaul, street The Marines, d 3A and KV. 54; you will not be contacted by IP.

He who comes to us without a sword will perish like he who comes to us with a sword but without a sword.

XXX: Today passed by the mail, there is a cape of how many people
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
YYY: Take the line from the morning, do it.
xxx: I changed the name of the package on the Russian mail site, now I will be waiting for a text message of the type "The fucking shit is waiting for you in the office at the address..."

We worked at school with a giant sense of humor. He thinks so. One day, a young man looked at his wife at work. I missed. They sit with their husband on the couch in the training room, communicate. A man comes in and asks a colleague:

This is who?

This is my wife!

I understand! Could you say a few words?

Takes a nothing suspicious guy out of the closet, fencing the coach, and with a loud whisper, so that the wife of a colleague heard, asks:

Who was yesterday? Red is like that!

With great difficulty, the young physruck managed to explain to his wife that no one was there yesterday, just he works with a fool.

I bought my daughter a sea pig. She called it “Cookies.” Now my wife regularly cleans cookies.

The school form of the first-class girl: vest 1600, shirt 2000, saraphan 2200, total = 5800. Plus a white shirt, it can be taken anywhere. Cheaper than 1000 decent looking was not found, in general, under 7 thousand to equip the first-class only clothes (about shift, portfolio, sports form - I am silent, the topic does not apply). This is such a savings. I buy better and cheaper clothes.
And yes, this malignant shape needs to be smoothed, the fabric is like this...

Foreign spy infiltrated in a Russian firm burned himself, buying five kilos of oranges for the New Year corporation

A foreign spy failed a task without licking the yogurt cover

xxx: saw a group of younger schoolchildren with a teacher in the subway. His hands are shaken, and the teacher tries to control them. I thought that in Germany schoolchildren are more disciplined, probably walk quietly, we build
YYY: Well, the Russian teachers teach the children in Russian, and the Germans in German. Imagine that you would be smiling in German when you were a child – you would have been building yourself.
xx: it is necessary to introduce compulsory study of German in schools and teachers to order to use it to maintain discipline.

by 47

Add to the borsch oatmeal.Maybe you will finally get tired, dolboyachers.

Borst without bouillon, without beets.

At work, I drink cold tea without sugar and boiling.

I am an expert assessor. There was a funny episode recently:

I came to photograph the apartment to assess under the mortgage of the bank, I walk along the house and look at the tablets, from which to which apartment in the entrance. I needed a square. 10, I see the table - Access 1: square. 1 to 12. Oh, what I need. I got up and I got 12 in my head. These apartments are also on the same floor, so I calmly call myself in the square. 12 is People open the door and I say to them:

I am taking a picture of the apartment.

Come in! ( )

Well, I did everything I needed, all the rooms passed, I photographed everything, at the exit I already ask:

Remember, what is the cost of the contract?

Under what contract?

Do you sell for how much?

We are not selling! ( )

- Wait, did I talk to you that the apartment for the bank needs to be photographed?

It doesn’t eat... (!)

Here are some clarifications, finally found out. I ask :

Why did you let me go at all?

You are so sure to come in!