bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 26 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №98170
 20.05.2014
The irreplaceable ones are usually invisible.

[ + 62 - ] Comment quote №98169
 20.05.2014
Whoever did not keep the car in a garage cooperative - think, not a man. Garages, especially during the Soviet era, were a mysterious and captivating territory, where all imaginable male entertainment was naturally intertwined. You could spend all the weekends there, enjoying conversations about politics, hunting, work, gardens and gardens, treatment of diseases... that is, all that the internet has taken now.
Now it is hard to imagine, but then you could repair the car yourself. Any disruption. any node. There were garages. There were neighbors.
My neighbor on the right, Uncle Leha, spent the whole evening in the garages. He knew everyone and walked into any open door. For a glass (and even for a good conversation) he gladly helped to overtake the suspension, to boil a jelly, or to overboard the wheels.
That time he fell to me when I was sitting in front of four boxes of greenhouse glasses, thinking how to shorten each one by two centimeters. I bought a expensive glass cutter, read the instructions, but nothing worked. The glass was broken on the curve, and not there.
Uncle Lecha assessed the situation immediately. He took a diamond from me, asked for the size, and, somehow playing, broke the glass into the pieces I needed and perfectly smooth incisions.
Uncle Lecha, and cut them all! I have begged.
What about Hera? I will teach you better! Go for the bottle! The Aboriginal Garage.
Having brought the desired from the basement, I was very surprised when he did not hide the bottle, but asked for cups and poured it out on two. Following was the dialogue from the "Pepper":
Well, dear cruciferous, can we start cutting now?
“No, dear Cinderella, let’s put it on and put it on again.
In the basement everyone kept potatoes and salmon, so there was something to eat.
The bottle was empty and we had fun. And the greenhouse and the glass went somewhere very far. And then Leha asked:
Well, you don’t have a fuck, will you cut the glass, or not?
I’ll fuck you, I honestly answered.
Okay, then get rid of it! Get rid of that damn ambulance! Reduce in the eye! Break the box right away!

After a moment, I looked at the result. Everything was within permission. I thought, and likewise cut off three more pieces. Uncle Leha drove the last crushed "prima" into his smiling mouth and left.
A few years later I told this story to a familiar psychiatrist, and he explained that that neighbor from the garages just masterfully healed me from the typical self-sustaining phobia, when the fear of mistake begins to destroy kinetics.
Actually, why did I remember that? The neighbor (programmer) yesterday came in, the glass wanted to cut off... Well, they pulled. Now it cuts itself.

[ + 50 - ] Comment quote №98168
 20.05.2014
There is only one power in the world capable of putting Russia on cancer! It is potato.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №98167
 20.05.2014
I remember, on the road got in the hands of a widebody - the book of D. Donzova. There in the course of the plot was poisoned with ethylene glycol, spilled into a bottle from under the juice, for example. Ethylene glycol is sweet and odorless. Ready "recipes" for killing the lady scratches. It may not be easy to get this liquid, but nevertheless...

A huge amount of poison is quite easy to get or do. Identifying the cause of death is quite simple.
And if the poison is easily detected, then there is no difference between poisoning and a blow to the head. Unless you’re a poison maniac and you’re killing strangers in a burger king.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №98166
 20.05.2014
Archive of the tecton.

In the city we were able to gather a house of panels entirely (!!!)), placing in coordinates 100% according to the project, but with one but! I turned it 180 degrees!

If in the horizontal plane, it is old as the world. In the vertical...

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №98165
 20.05.2014
[14:39:16] xxx: tz to jpeg :-D
[14:39:47] yyy: I learned to smile on this project

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №98164
 20.05.2014
You have "these days"
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
2:46:57 PM) xxx: do you know what word shash is angry?
[2:46:59 PM] xxx: Milan
xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №98163
 20.05.2014
It is terrible where people are. Nothing is more dangerous than man.
Everyone else is neutral to man.
Written by Putnik-ost, May 17, 2014 at 13.08 · Answer ↑. 7 is
This is just you mousé in the swamp was not eaten.
Written by ShockingGlue, May 17, 2014 at 20:59 pm · Reply ↑.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №98162
 20.05.2014
Their discussion reviews on the table game:
Is there a game for one player? % of
Yes, it’s the name of Paison :)

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №98161
 20.05.2014
of interest:

"And I wonder why the artists, who painted in many antique plots, Mercury, gladiators and biblical characters in gladiator sandals missed such an important detail as socks?
Per, the paint saved"

Apparently, for the same reason that the Vikings are painted in horned helmets – for lack of information.
The Roman Legionaries wore socks under their sandals. This conclusion was made by scientists who carried out excavations on the site between Limming and Dishford, in the English county of Yorkshire.
Found by researchers on a nail that attached the parts of the shoes, fragments of fabric were evidence that the Romans wore socks (or something like socks) under the sandals. Similar samples of fabric were found in 14 other tombs of ancient Romans.
You will have to experience this news somehow and learn about Google.

[ + 33 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №98160
 20.05.2014
Rapidly

The same goes for “traditional” sex, even to a greater extent. Abortion and childbirth are not needed in school. But children from all sides are heavily told that having sex is youthful, it is cool, prestigious and absolutely necessary, so that you are not considered "bad". Someone is inventing a similarity, others (who are less lucky) find adventures on their own unfortified child's body... all their time.
This is one of the most important aspects of the world.
Interestingly, all the hypocrites who write such a heresy have sexual desire after 18?

The wishes that arise and their realization must not be realized simultaneously. Desires do not always have to be fulfilled. This is not understood only by a two-year-old, capricious child and equated to him.
Sometimes I smile gently to my workmates and think how I want to kill all these idiots with an aggravating cruelty. But I do not kill, I tolerate, because there is police and education.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №98159
 20.05.2014
News: schoolchildren will be allowed to transfer the EGE several times
Thus e. "Baran" is not defined for the first time?

[ + 39 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №98158
 20.05.2014
“Well, if, for example, a chair would send an electric charge to everyone who starts speaking at the time when someone else is speaking, everyone would listen to each other, understand and agree.

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №98157
 20.05.2014
Balin, the head of the diploma is calling again. I have nothing to say to him. I can’t let go, I’ll get angry again. And what to do?
Yyy: As Confucius would say, if you look long at the phone that is ringing, you can see how it stops ringing.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №98156
 20.05.2014
To this: From the discussion of video games. Time of action: 0 year AD.
Don’t draw knowledge from American games and movies.
There was no 0 year A.D. and it will never be. The year ending with Christmas I.C. The first year of the new era is called "The first year before the new era", and the following year is called "The first year of the new era".
P.S Admin, a shredder, a guy with backs.

[ + 15 - ] Comment quote №98155
 20.05.2014
The feeling that houses are built in a spherical vacuum, without attachment to the terrain or to the surrounding infrastructure.
____
PFF is weak!! to
In the city we were able to gather a house of panels entirely (!!!)), placing in coordinates 100% according to the project, but with one but! I turned it 180 degrees!
In short, astrologers have announced a week of the vendor of vaseline.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №98154
 20.05.2014
Previously there was a joke that Firefox with every update turns into an opera.
Now it’s becoming chrome :)
c) Incognito90

[ + 42 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №98153
 20.05.2014
19739 year of our era.
All the laws of the universe are revealed. An inexhaustible source of energy. Synthesis and resynthesis of substances on an industrial scale eliminated the shortage of rare materials and solved the problem of radioactive, toxic and other waste. There are no more wars and crimes. Instant movement to any point of space. Artificial intelligence systems developed hundreds of times superior to human (as of the beginning of the 3rd millennium). Quantum computers can predict the future for a year ahead, with an error rate of 0.5%. Human intelligence and other abilities, including life expectancy, have been multiplied by genetic engineering. All diseases are defeated. Humanity has colonized fifteen planets in different parts of the Milky Way and one in the Andromeda Nebula.
There are only two unresolved problems in the world that all research institutes are working on:
What to do with gay?
Can I wear socks with sandals?

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №98152
 20.05.2014
Review of the game Jing:
The game "Zenga" is very similar to Russia: you have to steal so that everything does not collapse. Well, or it collapsed, but that you are not to blame.
Trsteep

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №98151
 20.05.2014
Google is shit! How could you put on the main Rubik’s Cube? Lost the whole day.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna