bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №154637
 20.07.2020
and Vietnam. I meet in the hotel tourists who leave after a two-week vacation:

How did you rest?

The tour operator was fooled.

How is?

I said there is a sea.

The hotel is right on the beach!

What is it in yours?

This is not a sea, it is a sea! We didn’t go swimming here. You can see another shore at night.

You can see the lights of fishing boats at night.)

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №154636
 20.07.2020
Xxx: The case was in Moscow somewhere in 2000. My memory of work took me to the area between Timiryazevskaya and Water Stadium. A dormitory area with old five-story floors. It was not there for a long time, it could have been renovated.

It took me, meaning a sharp stomach. So open up in the middle of the yard. Well, in the first, it is not cultural, in the second, in the courtyard at noon around a bunch of people, and there is no hygiene with you. I think we need to move for as long as the situation allows, and then we will see. Quarter, two, three,... and here on the side of the department, then the police. Fuck him, whatever it is. I go to the train with open eyes.

Can you go to the toilet? There is no urine at all.

The look of the officer at this time is invaluable. He could only knock his finger on the right door.

As the process came to an end, the thought dimmed: will they not accept me now, for confidence and overgrowth? No is. Comfortably went out. I washed my hands in the dishwasher. I thanked the officer. There was a monkey there. Those who lived there at the time accompanied me with open mouths.



Yyy: What is that? A policeman is also a man. It’s not always good, but it’s not Nibiru’s donkey. In addition, the officer prevented a possible offence.



Zzz: And could wait for the offence and the penalty fucking. Increase the disclosure.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №154635
 20.07.2020
I remember 2007-2008. In the days of relative youth, we rested with the company in the club. Well, my friend had a rams with a guy on the dance field who hit someone with his elbow. Word for word, let’s go out, let’s do it. This left-handed guy gets a xiva fsbshnik, although you can't see more than 24 years. My friend sharply grabs her out of his hand and breaks her in half. So more than 10 years have passed, and the face of the guy, who almost cried because of this, is still in memory. There was no fight at the end, he collected the pieces and left.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №154634
 20.07.2020
Sometimes people express their feelings in an obscene way. So his feelings are so great that they do not fit into the censorship form.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №154633
 20.07.2020
Do good and throw it into the water.

History was brief. Found the phone on the Pavelecki smartphone, inside contacts associated with the police, photos in the form apparently the employee lost. I found the contact wife and I call there, I say so and so I found the phone come take it, and they on me with a type of ride I pulled out, the thief, I will be arrested if I do not bring to the address. I told them to go to the X%th class with 11 classes behind their shoulders, look for him now, I tried to help you and you hit. He threw a river into Moscow.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №154632
 20.07.2020
In the morning, wash with warm water in the basement. But then all day - briefings, digital, business integration in the technology of the 21st century.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №154631
 20.07.2020
The typical parent: “And if everyone jumps from the roof, will you also jump?”

Machine learning algorithm: yes

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №154630
 20.07.2020
I was on a bus from work. The bus was very small. between the usual and the routine. I was sitting at the window in the back of the room. And at the next stop comes an enormous size aunt with a son aged 9-10, but not much inferior to her in weight. They go to my side. Well I thought that on the back row of seats (these are those from the wall to the wall in a row at the end of the cabin). But I did not guess. The woman demanded that I give up my seat because the child wants to sit at the window and in general behind all kinds of exhaust gases (in the cabin) and this is harmful to health. She will sit down so that the child is protected. No problem, I moved to the back. Per someone will say that they should have been sent, but I am not a fan of arranging a scandal in an empty place.

It turned out they had to get out through three stops. And here began the circus. The woman was able to get up. Sitting in one half pocket. His son was stuck between the ranks. I recall, the bus is small, the distance between the rows of seats is poor, and even the seats have somewhat unusual shape.

The roar and cries of this grandmother (scuck, naturally hysterical), the driver's mat and the boy's cry and panic. And this aunt first tried to just pull him out, which naturally did not work out. He did not want to let anyone come and asked for rescue.

Since I did not want to sit and wait in the bus to resolve the situation, and it was not possible to go past this rock, somehow persuaded her, allow me to help her child. Carefully helped him get out (the first physical education and how the average citizen was constructed, I still remember).

The aunt grabbed the boy’s hand and retreated from the car. I was glad I got home on time.

P.S I never understood parents who feed their children to this extent. This is not enough that health problems will be, as well as a lot of complexes (not all of us on body positive). If you don’t care about your health, why should you feed your child?

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №154629
 20.07.2020
I had an X285cm number on the previous car. The colleagues had been choking for a long time, exactly until one of them was given the number x107mm.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №154628
 20.07.2020
happened in the days

Next to the house there is a small collective market - cream, milk, eggs, vegetables.

I buy eggs and they are already packed. I ask, what if it is broken? The seller answers - you bring, I change (often I take from her).

I came home, one broken. I took it, went, changed it. I go home without a bag, carrying an egg in my hand. And here I meet three classmates - fun, pick up, vegetables, meat, beer and other supplies clearly for rest. We haven’t seen each other for many years, with one since the release, it’s been 15 years. And I still got away from everyone - the phone number changed, no one knows... They write down my number, promise to add me to the shared chat in Weiber.

It turns out, some kind of hustle is being planned, there will still be half of the group members, they call me with them, and I, as usual, in the night to go to work on a business trip to drive, carry equipment and can not be transferred. Therefore, I refuse to meet with classmates, but I still have no time to say the reason as one of my friends asks:

What do you do with eggs on the street?

And here it took me:

- A new chip, - I say, - training of attention and concentration, you need to carry the egg in your hand for three weeks, not releasing, guard it, sleep with it. So I can't go with you, I'll break up drunk. I can’t, I can’t wash my eggs today.

There is a grave silence.

“Well, okay,” I said, “hello everyone, good evening, I went home to bathe the eggs.

Why have I never been added to the chat?

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