bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №152311
 21.05.2019
Ten years ago, I borrowed a friend 30,000 rubles a month, before my salary. After the deadline, I reminded him and then reminded him again. I also found out what he owes the whole city. And gradually I asked him less and less.

Eight years passed and there was a rumor in the city that someone had killed someone in order not to pay the debt. I perceived this news and decided to forgive him all the debt. I told him about it, “Vasya, I forgive you the debt! You owe me nothing more!”

He was not surprised by this event, in his eyes read: "And what duty? And this one! I was going to give it!”

But yesterday he calls me on the phone (two years ago, as I forgave the debt) and asks for 15,000 rubles. I say, you did not give up the past.

But you have forgiven me.

No, I will not owe you.

Ask me anything! I put the phone.

This is so

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №152310
 21.05.2019
They met on the birthday of a common friend. He was noted widely, in a restaurant with a large veranda. It was a hot end of May, a lot of wine, a sirene bloomed in the yard. Under the syrene, they started kissing, suddenly.

Dasha was a faithful wife, with her husband for eight years, but it was today she suddenly thought, "Damn, but you can afford it once! “Today is the best night for betrayal.” My husband went to Peter on a business trip. And Roma looked at her light yellow dress, under which it was easy to distinguish a strong figure, and thought, “Fuck, cool! And so he looks at me. What am I stupid? to forward! » He was also a loyal husband, well, almost loyal, but today is a special evening. When it all worked.

So they kissed and poured wine out of their glasses. And Rome said, “Get to me? » He said so confidently, so charming. Dasha thought for a moment (you can’t agree instantly), she replied, “Let’s just go unnoticed.”

They kissed in a taxi, they kissed in the elevator. Eight years of marriage seemed so sad now, Dasha was drunk and happy. Yes, the best evening for betrayal, everything went perfectly: wine, sirene, business trip, heat, this slightly shaved guy. In the apartment, Dasha pulled from Roma's jacket, threw it on the floor. Roma began to get rid of Dasha from the yellow dress.

She said, “Take a shower together. » Roma replied, “Of course! »

He went quickly to the kitchen. Dasha was surprised. “We need to heat the water,” explained Roma. “We turned off the heat.”

“Hm,” said Dasha.

Roma put a large pot on the plate. Emalled pot with blue flowers, probably bought in a Soviet business store. Sculpture on Emily. A terrible pot.

Bosaia Dasha came into something sticky. “That’s the beer I poured out yesterday,” Roma explained. Dacia sat on a chair, pressing her legs. Rome walked nervously through the kitchen. Dasha began to look at the picture on the wall: Roma, his wife, their daughter.

Where is the family? I asked Dasha.

to the sea.

Oh well clearly. Soon there is water, smoke?

My name is Roma.

Oh sorry to me.

Dasha stood up, walked to the plate on her chicks, dropped her hand into the pot: a little warm.

Roma looked around Dasha, thought, “Generally nothing special, the legs are thick, it is cluttered...”

Dasha stood by the plate, thinking, “Why am I rushing here? Ordinary man, dirty floor, this pot is awful.

The water finally warmed up. Roma took a hot pot with a towel and put it into the bathroom. He looked difficult. Daisy smiled:

“Listen, what, will we water each other out of the basket? Wild sex, of course.

“Yes, it’s somewhat strange,” said Roma. Let’s go in turn. You are first. Do not waste all the water, but heat it again.

There is no other pot?

Only this is big. In general, there is a cabbage salt in it, I borrowed until there is no hot water.

The cabbage? I wonder where this strange smell comes from.

I wash somehow.

Here Dasha understood: she was tired, she wanted to go home, sleep, she didn’t like Dima... that is, Roma. But most of all, she’s angry with this pot. Dacia quickly put on a yellow dress.

You are what? I asked Roma.

I am home. I am sorry.

“Well, okay,” Roma replied, thinking that there was enough water now.

Dacia took a taxi. The best night is over. Passion was stuck in a large pot.

Roma in the bathroom started watering herself out of the basket. He said, “I need to wash my head.” And then I decided: lazy, tomorrow morning will wash.

by Alexei Beljakov

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №152309
 21.05.2019
Between light interest and unhealthy curiosity there is a rather thin line.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №152308
 21.05.2019
Yesterday on a friend’s birthday, the guests shared their stories of dating their wives. A bunch of options, from the banals studied together or served together (yes, in the Israeli army it happens:) to...
I’m a modest guy, I just can’t approach a girl like that. My friends told me to go to Tinder. I wrote to several girls and agreed to meet one of them. Only she is on the photo without a face, while the figure is a fire. And the photo with the face to send refused - like I am so beautiful you will immediately recognize me and if you do not recognize then you do not understand the beauty and all that. I was caught - her pictures on horses are beautiful, I think she is doing horse sports - well cool! Immediately offered to sit in the bar of a very expensive hotel - but you need to start with something. I dressed beautifully and went. I come, a girl is sitting behind the stand, in a dress on the floor, all of myself, I immediately came to her, greeted her, introduced myself and began to talk about horse sports - I was preparing, studied! Only she somehow responded reluctantly, but then seemed to get involved. We drank a cocktail and found a lot in common. And only half an hour later on my question about Tinder she made astonished eyes and looked at me as an unusual. Because in no Tinder she is lost, and she has not agreed to meet with anyone. And in the hotel, she lives as herself from the region by travelling to New York for work. The name just coincided.
As a result, the second child is now waiting :)

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №152307
 21.05.2019
Judging by how hard the authorities are building the churches, we have only to pray.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna