bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №154258
 21.05.2020
Yes, but two different pizzas are better than one but more.

Yyy: Well, for example, Dodo pizza has a service for collecting the first pizza from different halves. It’s extremely convenient, especially when your second half doesn’t like seafood, pizza with pineapples, spicy, too fatty, “what’s only cheese?” and the other.

Zzz: Well, people with bipolarity are not so many.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №154257
 21.05.2020
I have a few stories about how the boys came to me. One of them still warms my soul. I was about 28 years old, then.



I have a motorcycle, and I ride it. Once after work, I decided to go to the toilet and buy home for dinner something in maca. I take off the helmet, and the boy runs to me and begins enthusiastically:

You have such a great motorcycle! Is it Honda? I have a PC, but it’s broken. Let me fix it and we will ride together?

Boy, how old are you?

16... So, I’ll fix it, let’s ride? ? to

I don’t like to ride with someone, I’m alone.

I went to buy a burger. I go back to the motic, and there on the envelope a paper with my phone and name, Denis.

Denis, know, I kept that paper. It warms my heart. And if I don’t give god I’ll remain a 40-year-old aunt with a bunch of cats, I’ll still call you and we’ll ride. You just fix your own.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №154256
 21.05.2020
Is white the color? The color. Black is the color. The clothes are colored.

yyy: Slowly put the washing powder on the floor and leave the washing machine.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №154255
 21.05.2020
One day I had to visit the Museum of Modern Art "Erarta" (SPb). It was so interesting that I decided to publish a book of reviews. The most memorable phrase was written by a crude child's handwriting:

“Tell me, why do you paint so badly?”

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №154254
 21.05.2020
The children! I am so old that:



1st As a child, he wore socks under his shorts. Collies appeared a little later.

2nd My peers learned to write with pens. Our class was experimental, the first in the city to be allowed to write with balls.

Three When I was born, there was no vase. When I went to school, there was no. There were three brands of cars: Zaporozhye, Moscow and Volga. My dad bought the first Jiguli when I was already a pioneer.

4 is He collected marks with astronauts in live streaming as flights and marks came out. Not from Gagarin, of course, but about from the Coast. He cried when the Soyuz-11 crashed. Volunteer, Wolves and Patsayev

5 is The heroes of political anecdotes were not Putin and Trump and not even Gorbachev and Reagan, but Brezhnev and Nixon. The toilet in the pioneer camp was a white house, and instead of “go swallow” we said “call Nixon.”

6 is I didn’t scream on Alice Selezneva. When “Guest from the Future” came out, I was already an adult married man. Instead of Alice, we had Xanka from The Untouchable Avengers.

7 is As a child, I listened to gram plates and I remember the difference between the ordinary at 78 spins and the long-playing at 33. The first magnetophone appeared when I was already a student.

8 is On the first film Vysotsky, which I heard to the hole, there were no songs "Dialogue at the TV" and "Dear Transmission" - he has not written them yet.

9 is I remember not only discs, but also perforators and perforators. And even perfocards for 45 columns, with round holes.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №154253
 21.05.2020
What times have come – you sit in a telegram, you write a tape, you see a group with Stalin on an avatar – you open, and there – a forum of currency speculators.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №154252
 21.05.2020
On a warm day I went to the garden. On the way, I bought pears in the store. worked a little. I decided to eat one. While eating, Petrovich came out of the neighboring house. I know that three days ago he had a birthday. Several neighbors were “wrapping” with him. Probably not one day...
Looking around me with an awkward look, I noticed a pear. He swallowed and looked at a couple of his pear trees.
I decided to start the conversation:
Drop it, that is all. They flower! And I point with my hand, in which the bite of pear is pressed, to the tree.
Petrovich for some reason frightened, and in his eyes began to tremble. Again I looked at my pear, looked at my pear trees. And with a loud voice he asked:
What is the month?

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №154251
 21.05.2020
Vladimir Soloviev posted on Instagram his photo in a mask. The first comment under the photo: "You are doing this with your mouth closed."

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №154250
 21.05.2020
By the way, in films about the Wild West, robbers usually approached the entrance to the bank, looked around, put on masks and entered the bank.

Now before the "Five" I see the same shit)) Not the life, but the hero western!)))

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №154249
 21.05.2020
At the time when there was no quarantine, there was a funny case. I live near the general school and on the way to work I meet crowds of schoolchildren. Going out of the house at the same time, I meet the same students. And here one day I heard one little girl 7-8 years old say to another: "Look, you see this uncle (pointing me), if on the way to school I meet him, then I am not late for the first lesson."

The journey is my purpose in this life.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna