bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №155215
 25.10.2020
A colleague of work told me about his father. He came for lunch, his wife poured a plate of soup on him and is doing his business. Lunch is over and my husband is going to work. Iris, why didn’t you eat? You didn’t give me a spoon! I went to work knocking the door.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №155214
 25.10.2020
This story happened in July 2011. I flew from Vladivostok with a transplant to Beijing, and as usual, all the circumstances intensified not in my favor.



First, the flight Vladivostok-Avia delayed almost two hours, and this, given that I had only 4 hours to transfer, turned out to be very critical. Secondly, without announcing the reason, our flight was sent to land not at the International (international terminal), but in the home, where only domestic Chinese flights arrive, which also played a wicked joke with me.



Well, about everything in order.



Our flight is landing – for some reason, instead of a stand, the customs are released into the common hall and they say – wait. There are Chinese trucks around, and NO ONE speaks Russian or English. I somehow picked up a decently dressed Chinese woman, she turned out to be a stewardess from our same flight, she found another Chinese man who explained to her that our flight had come to the wrong place, because their runway is being repaired, and soon the authorities will come and deal with us. I began to squeeze on this comrade, showing the print of the armor, and say, you do what you want, my plane will leave in two hours.

He took me with him to the customs office, then someone else, I explain to them again, they take me by the hand, lead me to the stand, where only the Chinese were checked, there I get a Chinese stamp in my passport, and they say, this is a permit to enter China for 24 hours and go where you want ))))) Parallel to it, I learn that my suitcases between terminals nobody will go, and in the best case I will get them at the destination in a few days, and in the worst - I will never see.

So, mission one accomplished – Dobbi free, mission two – you need to urgently pull out your suitcases.



I run to the first floor of the airport, hoping to find a stand for at least one Russian airline, but, as it turned out, they are not there - because it is a domestic airport, not an international! Here I see a small shop, like China Travel, or how, well, a travel agency, I run there, and-o happiness! The woman inside speaks more or less English. I explain her the problem, her eyes expand, with one question, dear, and how did you get here? She catches me by the hand and we run around to the neighboring building, where we just unloaded our suitcases from our flight. I run there, the picture, in the middle of the terminal is a tractor with a trailer, and on the trailer, a package of 200 pieces of suitcases... We are trying to explain half by half that I need to take my suitcases, on which a Chinese ruler with an absolutely infantile appearance pulls his hand on the trailer and says, well, take where yours is here ))))))) Luckily, the suitcases were found in just five minutes, and I am happy, I will jump back, again bypassing all the customs officers, who are just not there ))))



I asked the woman how to thank her, for which she asked me to sell her dollars, because her daughter is soon going to study abroad, I agreed, and sold her $ 50 at an absolutely robbery rate – for 250 yuan )))))



The same woman led me out of the terminal, and said that there is a bus, it costs 10 yuan and goes to the international terminal, but the bus was long to wait, and we agreed with the taxi driver that he will take me very quickly for 40 or 50... in general, as in Russia, "chef, let's fly, two counters!"



A taxi driver crashed into the road, and almost immediately stumbled into a traffic jamming. It does not eat!! I wore him, wore him, wore him, wore him, and there were 40 minutes left before landing. He rolls out for a meeting, and chased it.)))) Parallelly flashing the lightning and pressing on the clakson. Here I see — in the middle of the road in the split pocket stands a police officer next to his car, he stops my taxi driver, pulls him out of the car and begins to roar on him, wildly mowing his oak! What to do, what to do???! to



I run out of the car, I run to the police officer, and simply, pulling out a bunch of yuan from my pocket, and there was a bunch, this woman for some reason gave me a lot of small bills, but it all looked impressive, in general, I put that bunch of money in the pocket of the policeman's boiler, and woe to him, the airport, kicked! He leaves the taxi driver, and what next, I didn’t expect at all – WRUCK THE MICHAELS and MISS ahead of us, dispersing the drivers! We arrive at the entrance to the airport, and there are shlagbaums and a row of those who want to pass... before landing 30 minutes. This same policeman turns and goes to the other side, and masters us, behind me, I know the road! We follow him, so he goes to the exit from the airport with a flashlight, and stands up under the shlagbaum. From there, by a loud communication, something is said to him in Chinese, in response, he cries a matyugalnik and also begins to say something, that is, cries ))))) Schlagbaum opens, and we go to the airport )))))



Well, then it is no longer interesting - running down the floors, looking for your gate (by the way, the airport is so huge that you had to go inside the train), all in the soap ran literally under the closure of the door, well, and flew safely )))))

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №155213
 25.10.2020
A wise man offends a fool by the very fact of his existence.

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №155212
 25.10.2020
A guy stands on the box and puts five bottles of red on the tape. 5 bottles of white. Two pink ones. 4 of Champagne. One of the “Martini”. and two cognac. Three cups of vodka. At the end, there are seven bags of cat food. The man behind asks:
Birthday of a cat?

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №155211
 25.10.2020
I don’t understand your striptease. If I wanted to spend the evening with a woman, give her a bunch of money and not fuck, I would stay at home with my wife.

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