bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 34 - ] [6 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №150035
 27.03.2018
disagree

No is. And should not be! This is a normal situation. Non-standard, but fully compliant with the norms. If there was nothing extraordinary that humanity has never encountered, there is nothing to report here.
Or do you offer to arrange a noise for every small fire that firefighters deal with in half an hour (including a trip back and forth)?
You need to pay attention to what does not fit any norms.

First, the country must know its heroes, no matter how pathetic it sounds. And how Kirkorov goes to the toilet across the country is, and how people save other people, let it be a profession for them, it is a "normal situation".
Secondly, the news should not be 50% filled with polytot, and 50 - with corpses. Our life consists not only of this. People should also receive good news.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №150034
 27.03.2018
We decided to eat at work with a colleague and bought a bowl of caviar and a baton. It was not as expensive as, for example, to order sushi, even very inexpensive for two, but still felt from the side of colleagues-type here fucking, with fat rage) stereotypes) or, probably, just did not serve))

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №150033
 27.03.2018
And say the carrots are Korean, is it North Korean or South Korean?
For me it is principle.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №150032
 27.03.2018
The river Vladimirovka, to which the inhabitants of the village of the same name go fishing, today came to their homes.
(Notice from 2009)

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №150031
 27.03.2018
A woman quarrels with her husband:
I filed for divorce yesterday. Through public services, but the quest could not go through... Only that saved the marriage.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №150030
 27.03.2018
There is such a horror comedy “Taker and Dale against evil.” There were no maniacs at all, but students on a country trip were so afraid of non-existent maniacs that they were killed on their own because of the inability to adequately think. Apparently, imaginary pedophiles work on the same principle.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №150029
 27.03.2018
Do I think, or are you breathing badly?
– Petrovich... ssuka... give... inhaler.......

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №150028
 27.03.2018
"Do not talk to strangers"

The wolf would have survived if he hadn’t talked in the woods with a girl in a red hat.

[ + 44 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №150027
 27.03.2018
Last week there was a fire in a shopping center in Tomsk. We worked for 5, the people were evacuated, everything worked out well. Does anyone know about it? Where is this in the media? Who is discussing this on the internet?

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №150026
 27.03.2018
If the girls

And among your acquaintances there are also girls who tell you, “Now I’ll tell you a wonderful joke.” At first they laugh fiercely and long, to tears, saying, “Oh, I can’t...” Then they begin to tell, constantly burning laughing, which makes it difficult to understand something. And then they do thoughtfully - a stupid face, remain silent for a while, after which they say, "And then I forgot..."

I have a boss like that.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №150025
 27.03.2018
This is not an anomaly, but new climate technologies. Municipalists no longer need to pour sand on the paths, the sand is now falling out with the snow.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №150024
 27.03.2018
For six months, there was electricity in the house. Sometimes it drops to 180. Smart equipment refused to work, issuing appropriate messages and low voltage. I complained to the management company - we pay for 220 and pay a lot for the Moscow region. We arrived, half a day forged the transformator-like all the norms. A few days later, the smart device turned off again and issued a high-voltage message. It appeared on the 260. They did fucking. I went for a stabilizer.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №150023
 27.03.2018
The First World War also began with a similar provocation - the murder of F. Ferdinand and his wife.

by Ferdinand? And Ferdinand? This is a Latin American soap opera.

Oh my God, my God! They killed Ferdinand!! to

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №150022
 27.03.2018
Brch: Colleagues, as a result of the fall of the swing, the base of the Cerebro hashes turned. She is now counting them. This will take some time. I cannot say how much.
The light in the refrigerator disappeared.
Brch: It had to be used to blink the bulbs in the scroll because they didn’t blink.
Brunch: Eat at once.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №150021
 27.03.2018
Have problems with memory? Better forget about it.

[ + 49 - ] Comment quote №150020
 27.03.2018
There was always a lot of cockroaches on the boats. Heat, a lot of food and water, there is a place to shrink - what else does this insect need? There were so many cockroaches that when you enter the cabin and turn on the light, you can hear a loud noise from the cockroaches' legs running out. Seafarers with cockroaches were not hostile and treated them, rather, as domestic animals. They are not mosquitoes or flies.
One day, the deputy of the small anti-submarine ship of the Northern Fleet went on a well-deserved vacation and unconsciously left a balloon with red nitro paint on the table. After dinner, his neighbor in the cabin, the assailant, lay on his bed and looked into the space. On the canvases, the underwear, the table and all other surfaces, as usual, cockroaches crawled. The assailant looked for a long time at the cockroaches, the forgotten balloon with paint, and then the idea came to him to paint the gray life of the navy. A trap was made from an empty box, several dozen cockroaches were cut, painted in red and released to freedom. Another couple of events - and almost all the cockroaches in the cabin acquired an unusual bright red grease for them. Upon completion of the case, the assailant brought into the cabin his coffin - a miner. The fire colour of the running insects enchanted the harsh miner, and he cried, "I will have them blue!" The next couple of weeks of life on the ship resembled the day of open doors in a dumbom. In every living room, on every combat post, there were cockroach traps, cockroaches were caught and painted in the heraldic colors of their suzeran. The monoculture quickly ended. But here someone from the cockroach owners remembered that he was sick for "Spartak" and his squad acquired the red and white colors of his favorite team. After that immediately appeared “Zenits”, “locomotives” and so on. There were also other non-sports. For example, cockroaches painted under bees, with black and yellow strips. Or the “yellow-blue” cockroaches. Crusaders and so on. The armies grew, the incidence of passions increased. The initiative group developed the rules of interaction between the bosses of the cockroach groups. It was strictly forbidden to paint other people's cockroaches. But they could either be destroyed or captured (but only in their own territory!). Prisoning was especially encouraged. According to the number of captured fighters, the owner of the cabin was given glasses, from which his rating was raised. A competition table was displayed on the boat stand. The initiative group daily counted the number of prisoners and rewarded the frontmen with a condensation. A real hunt for cockroaches began - both on strangers and on homeless ones. There were concentration camps for prisoners in the cabins. If money was required, a group of cockroaches (prisoners or even their own) could be profitably sold to the desired person. It was already overwhelming. The Tarakanya epidemic did not bypass even the captain of the ship. It is not known how long this crazy vaccanaly would last, but one day a brigade commander entered the ship. Drinking tea in the cabin company, he saw a group of diversified cockroaches resembling a fun children's cartoon. Capra was in shock. The West cabin company was strictly interrogated, the crew was built on a large assembly and the combridge spoke an emotional speech full of colorful epithetics and metaphors, the meaning of which was as follows: "The homeland has entrusted you to defend yourself, and you are here with all the hernia!" The ship was declared an orphanage for a week, during which the discipline was tightened, all the premises were glossed out and all the cockroaches were exterminated. Fortunately, this was already easy enough to do, due to their good visibility against the backdrop of dull ships and the increased hunting experience of all crew members.

[ + 51 - ] Comment quote №150019
 27.03.2018
It seems to me that I don’t live elegantly enough for a citizen of a country that has elected the president of the United States, colonizes the Middle East, and plans to enslave the old lady of Europe.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №150018
 27.03.2018
Here are people who quit smoking as if, but smoking constantly with you for the company every 30 minutes your same cigarettes, because to buy yourself - again will want to smoke. For a long time, I thought about how to hint, so that until we came out in the company of an old friend, a man with a lot of experience, to whom our patient did not miss the opportunity to turn:
Is there a cigarette?
Oh well, keep it up.
And the lighter?
Do I look at you today from smoking only a smoker?

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №150017
 27.03.2018
Rules of Safety:

Don’t go into the elevator with a strange child.
Be careful: do not sit with children on the couch or other furniture.
Be careful not to talk to strangers.
If you still had to face a danger, keep your hands in sight and do not make unnecessary movements;

c) Picabu


[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №150016
 27.03.2018
...
No, my friend, you’ve got a percussion like that... Our chief designer at the facility was late 20 minutes to the meeting because of the fact that he was lost on the clutch (bubble crack), which he himself designed! I have been riding for 2 years. Bike has grown.

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