Father and son at the supermarket:

Son: Dad, so tell me, why doesn’t anyone ever believe me?
Father: It all started with the fact that you were born on April 1.

Next to the highway...
Car GAI through a speaker to a girl on Mazda :

" The Girl Are you not bothered by the road?"

Online games in the forum:

HU: And what, should I rejoice and jump from the happiness that I am beaten every day with the persistence of a hungry day?
XX: It was probably only I thought of something romantic.

my balance -275 rubles, I get SMS, the balance is close to zero.
To what zero? To the absolute!? to

Did you learn how to kiss tomatoes?
On the strawberries, Serena

Could we go to ZAGS?
O God, you have decided. Proposing to marry?
“No, fucking, let’s burn this office.

A man is jealous of the past, a woman is jealous of the present and a pension fund is jealous of the future.

Cognac by Samy

There was Grandpa and Grandpa. They ate all that God sent.

My grandfather and grandmother (parents of my father) lived in a village in the Dnipropetrovsk region. When I was very young, my parents visited them once a year. It seems, and not very far, half a thousand kilometers, and often you do not ride. The older I became, the less I went to my grandmother. My son is already 3 years old. I need to show my grandson.

They arrived. The grandmother covers the table, the grandfather gets a promised bottle with the French "Sammene". My grandfather doesn’t know how to please his grandson. He went to over-smoke and, at the same time, narrated a cup of large, sweet, fragrance black rice. Eat, he says, you have such, he says, no. Yes, and we do not have, this is just one bush such, the rest of the berries will be smaller. And where he came from! I did not seem to have planted him.

“Ah well. “I didn’t,” says the grandmother. He begins to tell.

One day, my grandfather decided to make another portion of "Sammene". Not for drinking, but for appetite. Usually the portion is 6 liters. Well, what a self-respecting manufacturer will not check on the quality of their products! People may have to drink.

I tried the first. Then the second, then the third. In general, the next day, I could only remember how I dropped the first three liters. Where the bottle with the other three liters went – fog.

“Listen to me, mother! “Where is the other female?”
“Eat it, you wicked man! He ate yesterday so that he doesn't remember how he struck a bottle in the yard and at the doorstep and struck it. I am hardly daring.”

Grandfather was confused: why would it be that he fell asleep with a bottle of selfie in the courtyard in a walk, but the memory did not suggest anything, and he did not argue.

And the grandmother, the day before, seeing the peaceful grandfather, decided to hide the mother. Her grandfather had long known all her nuts: he even found wood in a barrel of grain and in a pebble. Once (he told me later) found a bottle in an old oven. It was closed with a polyethylene cover. Grandfather slowly, "for appetite," until he understood that retaliation was inevitable as the victory of communism over imperialism. Then he walked through the tree with a pile on the cover, like the rats bite, and the harvest "exhaled."

My grandmother buried a bottle in the garden. My grandfather did not.

She threw the beetle and other healing herbs into her own, wheeled a iron lid, and so that it did not rust, lubricated it with solidol, wrapped it in cellophane and wrapped it in a cloth. While the grandfather cried peacefully (it was heard even in the garden), she pulled out a pit and buried the straw until a moment called "for the chance." And in order not to forget the place, she broke the branch from the shrub of rice and kicked into the ground.

Half a year. In the spring, the branch was accepted, and in the summer produced the first modest harvest. Then, apparently, and "for every case" was, but to destroy the rich shrub of chickpeas the hand did not rise. Especially because the berries on it were rarely selective, the size of a small cherry. 10 years have passed.
The grandmother finished her story.

The grandfather, who was about to overturn the chark, stopped its movement in the middle of the way and listened to the confession of the grandmother, not moving, like the banderologists under Kaa's gaze. Something changed in his face. There was such a range of feelings!

When the grandmother finished, for half a minute there was a troubling silence, interrupted by the enthusiastic whispers of the grandson who was wearing in the garden and courtyard. Then the grandfather brought the trajectory of the chark to the logical destination, shouted, wiped his lips and resolutely stood up.
“Well, my granddaughter! Take the scarf!”
“Where are you! I will not ruin the straw!”
“Baby, we are careful.”

Per in the excavations of Troy, archaeologists did not work as carefully as we do. It was undermined side by side, and, centimeter by centimeter, until they heard the promising "day!"
The cloth has already shrunk, but cellophane has worthy to withstand the burden of time. The solidol, of course, was dry, but formed a protective film that prevented moisture from reaching the metal.
Of course, the content was immediately tested on the subject "and suddenly broke up".
It was the nutritious moisture of the color of the noble cognac, and the herb bouquet...! “Camus” from “Napoléon” are resting!

P.S During the excavation, none of the shrubs were injured.

P.S to P.S A grandfather, a participant of two wars, with a fragmentary wound in the head (instead of a bone - pulsing skin), ate what God sent. He quit smoking for a year before his death, and he did not smoke until the last day. He died at the 89th year of life.

And you say “vegetarians”, “meat eaters”!

* the joke name of the self, which from Ukrainian is literally translated as "self chases".

Order in the house requires a lot of effort and lasts not long, but disorder is formed without your intervention and is able to self-repair and self-improvement.

Darkness: And I invented a mystery. What’s different from the Gay Parade?
E}{TREM@L: at the moment - nothing.
The darkness of Blythe. I guessed.and (

Tapinambur: Here you say the youth, it does not come out of the inette and no shit does not know.Today I watched the picture: two girls aged 10-12, played badminton with DVD boards, a tennis ball. There are also children who, like us in childhood, suffer from creative hernia.

by wendigo:
Sometimes I get rid of too educated people :)
by wendigo:
Sometimes there is: often.
by wendigo:
For the uneducated :D
by wendigo:
... and from people!

I did not sleep...
I woke up at 7 a.m. and went to the kitchen to wash. While brushing my teeth, I thought about boiling the tea. He went to the plate, took the light bulbs and, looking thoughtfully at the no less thoughtful cat, smoked a toothbrush with his usual movement.

Funny phrase said by a friend who is not intelligent in physics.
They all say that the Higgs boson is the Higgs boson. But see - first there were atoms, then molecules, then electrons-protons-neutrons, then quarks, now here are bosons... I understand, there are subtleties, but still, in my opinion, for God it looks like if you blinded a snowman, went to a side, and a child ran to him. And here, therefore, one little boy breaks a snake and with such a clever look declares - the snowman consists of shells. Everyone kicks so according to, rightly, a smart thought. Then another breaks the compound into two parts and says that it seems that in addition to the compounds, there are also smaller particles - the compounds. And so they break and break everything, and you sit next to them with an ironic smile and think if they look at the snowflakes there or by that time all the crystals will already turn into fine ice dust.

“I was just robbed at the “Tapchan” restaurant in Sokolnikov. I received 45 thousand rubles. I am waiting for the police,” Nigmatullin wrote on his Facebook page.

He will have to wait a long time for the police, she hasn’t been there for six months.

I was a student and was looking for a job for the summer, which I soon found: a guard.
in the factory passage. She stood on the "virtue" and issued passes. Before me, my grandparents worked there, so the smiling young girl was immediately noticed by everyone...Everyone knew my name, I didn’t know anyone:)
XX: Many years have passed, I met a guy (now my husband), who, as it turned out, works in the same factory...
xxx: We walk around the city and meet his colleague, who first said:"Hello, Anjutochka".
My boyfriend, of course, asked me where he knew me.
XXX: The answer was unprecedented!!! to
YYY :?? to
XXX: Through her the whole factory passed!!! to

During the inspection, it was found that agency companies instead of aircraft used cheaper modes of transport – car and sea, and this happened systematically.

There is nothing to add and it is so funny.

and Anya:
Is it a jaguar? The heart and the liver :R
and max:
This is precisely why we need
I want to be heartless and secure.

Article on the Special Route of Russia

In Russia, there is a special spirituality, and they all have consumers there. You go out in the evening - all the spiritual people are sitting on the hooks, Brodsky quotes. After every ten meters - a circle of interest. On the graduation holiday, all the young ladies try to overtake each other with spiritual revelations and intellectual knowledge; and in the morning you go to the center after graduation - a bunch of garbage lies from fragments of Pushkin's poems and sonnets of Petrark and individual counted personalities lie, meditate after meaningful conversations. From every second "nine" on the street sounds Delib and Puccini, and the assured gentlemen on expensive cars with emphasized tranquility pass pedestrians at each crossing. In the evening, the youth closed in the room looking at Goethe and dreaming of meeting his Margarita. Russia has its own spiritual path, not an example to this ruthless, spiritless West!

Can you imagine how great the archaeologists of the future will be?

Hundreds of scientists will break their heads over what computers looked like in the 21st century, and here they get a Russian Post package with my netbook!