The man took his girlfriend home. He loved his girlfriend very much, simply adored it, and could not wait for the date to end.

Ask me why? No, not in anticipation of loving delights and gentle feelings, he just had a very swollen stomach.

I had to smile, hold on to a lucky bite, but the cold sweat came out on his youthful forehead and everything bubbled treacherously in the gut.

Near her house, the girl invited a guy to visit her, motivating this with the absence of her parents. It’s stupid not to agree, right?

And, the guy from the last forces, having gathered his will and his betrayal belly in a single piece of nerves, boldly stepped into the rescue shell, hoping to relieve from the cursed meteorism as soon as possible.

Entering the hallway, the girl whispered to her lover that he should enter the room, and she said she would go to the kitchen and prepare something for tea.

The guy, in a semi-deaf state, felt in the darkness what a door and literally crashed into a dark room, deep into the lungs of the air, he sown released from his boiling volcano a long drizzling sound of an orchestral helicopter.

And, beginning to squeeze, he nervously tried to squeeze out of his belly all the gases that had long tormented him.

It was like some wild African dance, with its own accompaniment.

Then, to hide the traces, he smelled a terrible odor, he invented nothing more than to remove the painting from the wall and scatter it around the room.

After the exhausting creative action, when he last waved, like an albatros winged painting, the light turned on.

Why did you not turn on the lights? His girlfriend knocked off the switch and...

Have you read Gogol’s Revisor? Remember, at the end of the dark scene?

Imagine a guy standing in the middle of a room, holding a picture in his hands.

And on the couch, with the eyes drawn out of horror, lies a sweet couple - her sister and her husband, tightly pressed to each other, with the appearance as if they were flying down in a burning plane.

Imagine what a shock they experienced when, as soon as they began to fall asleep, someone broke into the room in complete darkness, sitting down, began to whisper loudly and, then, taking the painting off the wall, began to mock it, as if he was conducting some satanic ritual.

Xxx: Fuck, I recently got out of the courtyard and tastefully kicked in the car, the fucking smell is up the eye cuts. And at this moment a neighbor comes, with whom I have mutual sympathy. She sees me, I see her, I smile at her, and she’s supposed to stop, apparently to go where I should, and I’ve gone by. The pirate...

Often the exchange of opinions turns into an exchange of insults. But he rarely exchanges compliments. Something is wrong with those opinions.

I rented an apartment with a student. Sometimes I get a fake Tinder account, get acquainted with it there and after a short flirt I promise to come visit. It’s nice to see him beat our apartment afterwards!

Russia is such an open country that our secret agents are world celebrities.

Xxx: As a child, I was pursued by a nightmare, I periodically woke up from the fact that someone was looking at me through the window (in the second floor). This "somebody" was a character from the book, (I tried to stumble this book - it didn't come out)

And then, a couple of years ago, I dreamed I could fly as Superman, and I decided to fly to my village. It’s midnight and what to do? Let me look out my window, and I saw a little frightened self there!

This is how my brain jokes about me :)

Xxx: I was surprised as a child by the Italian fairy tale "The Wise Catherine". If briefly - after the wedding, the couple did not get along, and the man, throwing his beloved wife into the well, went on a tour to meet the adventures, and the port ladies. The wife, coming out of the well, followed him to Naples, Genoa and Venice, where changing clothes and haircuts intercepted the faithful before the local priests of love. The husband (who most likely had slight vision and brain problems), after a couple or three years, was tired of the catch, and returned home to check whether he had been widowed during this time. When he arrived, his wife met him with three children, whom she named by the towns where they were conceived (fantasy, hello). Then they hugged, and heep-and.

Xxx: What is the name of when you lie, but you want to lie even stronger?

Yyy: The Mushroom

I have a friend who works as a nurse in Morga. Contrary to popular opinion, he is a very fun and sociable guy. He loves to gather friends for a joke xD Jokes about "joke from work" will not laugh anyone.

Here is the story he told him after drinking another portion of beer:

He went to the local market for meat. It is hot in the market in June. In the meat row stands a sellers aunt, pulling Hunting Strong. Next dialogue (D is a friend, P is a seller):

Q: Can I have fresh meat?

Q: It’s all fresh!

D: Aunt, I work in the morga, I know very well which meat is fresh and which is not.

Aunt presses a beer and gets really fresh meat from underneath the counter. Since then, it has only been purchased. He says he also gives discounts sometimes.