bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №153099
 03.10.2019
It’s not the first time I’ve noticed that when you get into a taxi and start getting stuck, many drivers perceive it as a personal insult.



One day, one of them came to the challenge. I sit in the car, pulling the belt, and he doesn’t get out, stuck somewhere.

I sit and say:

Your belt is broken.

What he responds to me:

Did you give up this belt? Do you not trust me?



Then he, looking at me like Vin Diesel of the Fortress, gave the gazka to get to the blinking green and steadfastly entered the ass of the kia rio standing in front of him, which passed the pedestrians.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №153098
 03.10.2019
XXX about anesthesia. I recently had an operation on my knee. An injection is made into the spine and the lower part of the body completely loses sensitivity for several hours. Further from his words: "I put my hand on the "household", with my hand I feel that a member is in it, and as a member I do not feel anything, as if you hold a foreign man, it does not become itself."

Yyy: It’s like a stranger, but the opposite.

ZZZ is a stranger?

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №153097
 03.10.2019
If you are surrounded by beautiful girls, give up.

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №153096
 03.10.2019
I asked not to scream.

You are running into the kitchen, the whole floor is filled. Going to the kitchen?
Don’t take off the shoes, I didn’t wash the floor. There is nothing flowing here and here.
It sounds like I’m all overwhelmed, here’s a swab with a cloth in the kitchen!
- The scarf is dry, I wanted to wash the floor later. I am in night shift. You awakened me.
He is hysterical about his kitchen.
It runs somewhere, but cleverly, it doesn’t flow to me. Apparently they have a covered tube. I have a place where water flows along the pipe. Please go up to the floor. I obviously don’t run. She turned on the crane, she and her husband on the phone. of origin?
seem to convince. She is out and her feet in her boots.
And in them...
The cat, or the whisper does not tolerate, or immediately punished. But it was full in every shoe.
The eyes of the neighbors from the orbit climb! I am polite in silence, but I hear the revenge whisper in my shoes. (Thank you a song for me!)
I asked you not to take off your shoes. Cats do not like the noise of others.

Stupid non-adequate people do not understand that even a small cattle can protect their home from whispers and claims. Because they, among our favourites, have a stronger sense of justice. They just don’t like to tolerate strangers in their home. They want to drive out the unnecessary, available means :)

P.S
I noticed that such demarches or any conscious actions - cats and cats begin to do after six years of the family. Are they young at that age? The mind is awakening?
Strih (my cat is now dead) after six years began to write himself to the toilet. I did not even teach him.
My aunt (current cat) began to drag my socks into the vanouja from under the couch. To say that I wore, nothing to say! He specially threw his socks at the couch, and after a while - he lies in the bathroom next to the washing machine! But it started quite recently. My cat is 6 years and 5 months old.
And the cat continues to give me gifts. I wrote about it.
Yesterday I put a cushion on my pillow. God knows when it is broken. And all because I wanted bread with oil and salt. I sit and watch a movie, chew a delicious butter... I felt my mood.
behind
by Miva!
The same on the pillow.
So how can you not think of this as a smart man? She has the biggest heart. And huge eyes!
All are good!

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №153095
 03.10.2019
Matroskin: foxes, legs, tail - here are my papers!
1978: Oh, such a funny fool
2019: This is enough for biometric authorization, Mr. Cat

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №153094
 03.10.2019
The stupid things you did while your brain was on the autopilot

1st One day I brushed my teeth and went to throw something out, on the way splintered on the floor instead of a shell.

2nd I also brushed my teeth, hardly brushed. I put the toothpaste on my shaver and almost brought it to my mouth before my brain turned on. I don’t have a shave in the shower.

Three I woke up at night to write and somehow unnoticed into the morning routine. Only after drinking coffee, I realized that it was 3 o’clock at night and I could go back to bed.

4 is On the weekend he sat in the car to go somewhere there, and woke up at the parking lot near work.

5 is I put the dirty plate in the refrigerator instead of the dishwasher.

6 is I came somehow to the gym, got the key from the box on the bench, came to the box and wondered why I was here at all.

7 is He came to the gas station, paid, did not go and left. And so twice.

8 is I tried to unlock the refrigerator with the car keys.

9 is I blinked at the light for five minutes, thinking it was red.

10 is I worked in fast food and accepted orders both in the hall and in the macau. And here I accepted the order in the hall and for some reason said to the visitor, "And now go to the issue window, please."

11 is A couple of weeks ago I moved to my old house, where I had not lived at that time for more than 5 years.

12 is He held a glass and a phone in his hand. I answered the phone with ice cream. A lumpy ear is unpleasant.

Thirteen My brother came after the day and went to the kitchen. He stopped him, squeezing in the tea.

14 is I turned my reader to read the “other” side of the document.

15 is I got a bag of sugar. I opened it and dumped it in the garbage. There was an empty bag in the coffee.

16 is I tried to scratch a paper magazine to overlay the photo.

17th Instead of a pill, I put a dog cake in the dishwasher.

18 is I looked at the watch with a cup of tea in the same hand.

19 is I grabbed my note as if it was my dog.

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