bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №122468
 30.12.2015
A New Year's Talk About Tree

The guide in the botanical garden, pointing to the luxurious blue tree, noted that this spectacular tree is also very unpretentious and would easily live in parks and on the streets of St. Petersburg. Nevertheless, you will hardly encounter the one in public places of five million people: during the New Year, the thirsty population of the needle-aromatic holiday destroys the entire population of this representative of the flora, so it is unprofitable for the city to plant these trees. Explain, people, why does it matter to you under what tree you are drunk, right?

[ + 43 - ] Comment quote №122467
 30.12.2015
We were visited by our 6 and 8 year old nieces. We learn, we run and play and then the little girl says, "And let's argue, you can't get me up?" and. By the way, the girl is miniature and raising her will not be a problem. In general, I catch her for her legs, and around there are screams, whispers, whispers as much as possible... And here I think, holding her for her legs, rather than whether I should throw her to the ceiling and catch her. Naturally, joy has no boundaries, he says, let’s. I take, and with all my strength I pull up, and... nothing happens, I just pull it up, and I can’t lift it up... After three attempts I notice that there are no whispers, no laughter... And only a little voice from below: “Please remove your foot from your hair.”

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №122466
 30.12.2015
Tips on one of the sites "When you send out invitations, clearly indicate that everyone is in costumes where there would be some "apes" details, such as a horn brochure."

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №122465
 30.12.2015
Today we went out for a walk with my son and were dragged into the war. Two fortresses of snow. The snow in the style of Star Wars for half an hour. I pulled my black hat on my beard and I was Darth Vader. gathered at home. And then I noticed the inscription “LUK” on one of the guys’ jackets. I wash the snow off my hat, extend my hand to him and say, “I’m your father!” In a joke of course. He woke up so that everyone who was in the reach zone turned around. He spoke a long time and then ran away. It turned out, as explained by the women-neighbors, his single mother joked that if he would not be obeyed, his father would appear and take him to the narcology. It is [...]

[ + 28 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №122464
 30.12.2015
Today the staff department passed and gave each employee a banana.
I don’t think the annual prize is worth waiting.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №122463
 30.12.2015
About the stereotypes.
The working morning. I hear Mikhailich’s conversation with another employee on the mobile.
Voice from the tube:
I have a package of cards on the table, please take it off.
Mikhailic, coming to the table:
Under the sticker and with a green sticker?
and yes.
I'm waiting to put the package in the scanner. But Mikhalich passes by, opens the window and cries into the morning darkness: “Do you catch?”

sts

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №122462
 30.12.2015
The Idiot:

If you are satisfied, why pay you more?
It’t be okay if they had fired the whole factory. Production is up? You have your problems, you have nothing to feed your children.

And what, once the fathers are fired in protest, the children will temporarily stop eating?

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №122461
 30.12.2015
I share the correspondence with a man who bought a new widget and finally started Fallout 4 normally. Immediately I regret the inability to play because of a tight working schedule, I write: "Can I quit?"
The resident of Krasnoyarsk demands from the developers of Fallout 4 half a million rubles for a broken life.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №122460
 30.12.2015
A creature standing by the side and counting cars:
Idiots, go on the lights. If you approach the edge of the roadway, the driver is obliged to stop. If you do not know how to adjust your way through the road on the go - go on the light and don't fuck the brain of others, since there is no brain. If you want to cross on an empty road, move away from the crossing, wait as long as it enters and don't pretend that you need to go to the other side. They borrowed.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №122459
 30.12.2015
My husband’s friend visits us. In the morning he got up before everyone, made breakfast, cooked chicken eggs, ate, left half and left. The evening comes, the dialogue follows.

Friend(s) and Husband(s)

What time did you wake up? I woke up and all slept.

I woke up a little later. Your eggs were still warm.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №122458
 30.12.2015
How did you get home normally?

"Well, how can I tell you, fifth... I was briefly stunned by three clear boys, well, let me smoke there, let me call, and then on the text.

What did you look at on your cell phone and go away?

Remember what I taught at the school, right?

Well, and that’s about it?

I checked them up and asked when the courses would come. They apologized, said they didn’t recognize me in the punks and promised to bring me tomorrow.

[ + 45 - ] Comment quote №122457
 30.12.2015
I was walking with the dogs, suddenly a phone call. I say, “Listen,” I respond with a man’s voice (very strictly) “Hello. Security Service of the Central Bank. Please note that your card accounts have been blocked.

I: What a horror! Godly...

He says: Let’s get the information. Your family name?

I: Eprykyan Antonina Valerianovna (I always say this in such situations)

He: Antonina Valerianovna, in which bank do you have an account?

I: That’s what you tell me, that’s what you call me.

And he said, “Anthony Valerian! 5 million cards were blocked. We know in which bank you have your account, we need you to confirm.

I: Okay, I will tell you. I have an account in the Swiss branch of Sochi General, but not a card, but a depository, I have our family diamonds stored there, which my White Guard praet...

He is Bip-Bip-Bip...

He dropped the phone, in a hurry. And now I am so worried, suddenly the diamonds are blocked...

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №122456
 30.12.2015
Movie search for the movie Bitter 2 in similar movies highly recommends watching Human Multi-foot 2

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №122455
 30.12.2015
This year's autumn weather
He was long in the courtyard.
Winter is waiting, nature is waiting.
The snow fell only in January.
The third at night.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №122454
 30.12.2015
Olya, are you a girl?
Olive: Yes
XXX is PRUFF?? to
Tagged: avatar
Not all the girl that is on the avatar girl
Oh all that.
XXX: I believe

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №122453
 30.12.2015
From Martha Ketter:

Through all of our networks, a single, feminist speaking, mosquito broke into the house and bit me. There was a myth that she bites only once and calms for eight hours. Experience tonight and Google showed that it is a lie, to feed a woman at once is impossible, will drink blood as long as there is a place in the abdomen, and it is heavily stretched. So Gandhi will not get out of me, I will have to pursue and kill. I also learned that a thousand mosquitoes can completely dry out a person. and more.
Mosquitoes have no childhood.
In four days, the girl grows from a larvae to an adult woman and lives a month, full of sadness. Half of her life she is a widow, because the male will die in two weeks. She can’t get away from the house more than a kilometer. And here I presented myself: a maid, lonely, young, swollen three times, with an unpleasantly worn face. The cross is wrapped on the cross in a worn cloth, looking, subtly and sorrowfully subduing. Do I still want to destroy her? Yes, no, I don’t know, I can’t think about it now, when the new year and everyone should be happy. I will shut my head with a blanket and try to wake up in a different, more perfect world where no one needs to be killed.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №122452
 30.12.2015
C Picaboo

Nutrition
I am 24 years soon 25 I am a freelancer I want to immediately let go of everything and go to work on the icebreaker (

Ashcraft
The same shit.
Let us recycle the ship, sail on Tortuga, recruit a team and melt the ice for the need of our black soul?

Cleshic
My tears turned. Indicate the port where we will meet and I will join you, no matter what it costs me, gentlemen!

Matrix Collapse
I think this port is: 80 :)

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №122451
 30.12.2015
Boys, can we work tomorrow? I seriously
I think it will be enough for a maximum of 3 hours.
xxx: this is enough to make our monthly plan
I agree, lol

When the leader is far away...

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №122450
 30.12.2015
As sweet, 36 - Voronezh Oblast, 31 - Belgorod, 46 - Kursk. My address is not a home or a street. Write to Icho.
............
I write. Do you know at all that the bondage law was abolished at the same time as in the white stone? And we are here - who could have thought! We have the courage to move freely and communicate with people not only on the Internet. And yes, personally, I regularly shoot from Kursk to Voronezh and Belgorod, to contractors. And the colleague does not go out and HMAO (Hello, Oleg Palych! And I’m in Belgorod now, it’s warmer here, and you’ve left in shoes! We live in Kursk. Suddenly is it? And we have friends in different areas, not in different subway branches. And enough everywhere to whisper the formula "Russia=Moscow+Wikipedia". Our lives here are very different from what you see in your statistics and online.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №122449
 30.12.2015
News: "Match TV" blocks Russian pirate sports broadcasts on the Internet

This is why I love these materials – you always learn a lot of new addresses

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