bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №152024
 30.03.2019
I take a taxi with a driver without nationality. I crossed a couple of phrases, I feel, I started to peel (I want to paint). I say:

My dear, let’s go carefully.

Oh yeah, I go carefully!

Very careful, like my mom.



We were driving perfectly.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №152023
 30.03.2019
Six years ago, I moved from St. Petersburg to Tallinn to my wife, where I still live. I want to tell you how I got to work here.



I arrived in the so-called “no season,” at the beginning of December. Without education, without language, without even any paper confirming possession of any profession. There was no driving license. Just such a “beautiful.” Take me, the employer, quickly! “” But he was optimistic. Before that I had been several times in Tallinn in visits and about Estonia I had the impression of a "land of retirees". I was young, beautiful and unprincipled. I can dig, I can’t dig. At first, I was ready to go even to the minimum. At the time it was $450.



The system of finding a job in Estonia was very simple. You make a CV (cv-resume), pour it on a special site and sit and wait... Employers and recruitment agencies themselves select candidates on these CVs and invite them to a meeting. By the way, on the same site you monitor the vacancies and send your questionnaire to them yourself "forward")) Literally with one button. very comfortable. From Estonia to L.L. with love))



The resume helped to compile and translate the wife. We “blinded him from what was.” Suddenly it turned out that by the age of thirty and a tail in the questionnaire to write it and nothing! I worked on different jobs that are not related to each other. In terms of experience, the most in jewellery as a fixer and in the stallion "no one". What to write in the questionnaire? Who am I? I am neither a carpenter nor a jeweller... It is good that my wife suggested:



Let’s write “operator station”!

Which one? ? to

Any one!

It is genius!



They dropped my horor-CV and started waiting. And as the saying goes, “Around the road the dead with the hair stand... and the silence...” December is quiet. There are holidays, in principle. January is quiet. I started chasing a little, but my wife and her parents said, “That’s the norm! “” Well, he never even called or invited anywhere. No one needed me... misery.

Here is the first call! I almost forgot all the words. invited to an interview. A vacancy operator of a printer there, with training. The class! I come at the address. Something incomprehensible. No production smells. An office building. I even thought it was a divorce. It was a personnel agency. For me it was wild.



I sat down with a young girl HR talked, I don’t know what. She told me nothing about the work itself, as I understood, because she knew nothing. He asked me all the questions about where he was working, what he was doing. About nothing at all. I left in confusion. Is such an interview necessary? ? to If anything, we will call you! “” I wonder what “if what”? How will the employer know what I am? Will she tell us something or what? I came home telling, and I again all the choir “This is the norm! “” Oh well ok.



It takes a week or maybe more. The girl calls again. You are invited to the same job interview, but at a different address. Type of “second stage”. I am already in production. It is somewhere in Huevo-Kukuyevo, but I think it is still in the city. I was taken to the chief engineer’s office. He was such a funny man, he spoke Russian well. We talked “for life.” Where I worked, what I did. All fucking, the same as in the first interview, only less officially. Jokes of some sort. I was sitting with the eyes of the Lup-Lup. Strange it all was somehow... “Well, if anything, we’ll call you! “” Oh I say. I will wait.



10 days later, I forgot about it. The chief engineer is already calling: “Alexey, come to the interview!” The third phase! Where should I go? There were no other options. Absolutely silence. At least some of those movements. I don’t know if they might have it here, but I wasn’t sure if they needed a man at all or not. Or do they want to see them all?



I come. I am being taken to the machine. Meet the operator to whom I am applying. He is so happy! )) There is no sugar, but there is no choice. We talked to him and another Estonian fellow. At least closer to the matter. They told me they showed a job. You will need to paint DVDs. demonstrated the process. They even made some scratch themselves. It seemed like I managed, the jewelry past helped. They have also asked them. Where I came from, where I worked before. Well, I am already like a poppy, to all the questions I have improved answers, compared to the first "stages")) The outcome is the same: "Well if anything, we will call! “”



It is 10 days... I did not know what to think about this vacancy... Just joking about Estonian slowness... I stopped sending questionnaires to other companies, and the time is running! And nothing happens... We would say a lot of yes, no, no. It is March already. But no one else wants me any more. [...]



They call again. Come to the interview! “” seriously? The fourth interview. With whom this time? :) The girls there were cute on the packaging... Maybe with them...?)) Fuck the honest word.



This time I was interviewed with a serious man. It turned out that he came for me from the main office, which is in Vilnius. There is nothing to do! I talked to him, but he almost asked nothing. On the contrary, he told what a super enterprise they had and that they were ahead of the entire planet. We know, we know. I’d be surprised if he told me they’re in the ass, they don’t go out here without me. His tongue was hanging, I will tell you. He loaded me for a long time. Well, a man came from a distance only for that, I acted with understanding)) I sit down. From me all the history of their company told, starting almost from how they met with other founders and where they started. Should I have known this? ? to I do not understand...



Thank God, somewhere after an hour of our "conversation", the talk finally came about me. That I seemed to have made a positive impression on everyone and so on. And he sees me in this position bla bla bla, but only one question he wants to ask. And asks me why I wrote this whole story...



Alexey, what do you think about pornography?



How many thoughts I have in my head, you can’t even imagine! :) I even thought I heard...How do I feel about pornography? ? to As in the anecdote about Georgians:



“Goody, do you love the pomegranates?

There is yes. And so Nate...”



What question is this at all? What to answer? ? to and AAAA! You have to respond quickly! This is an interview...



I’m fine, why are you asking? ? to

Do you not understand?

Emma... No...

Go then, I’ll show you better.



To say that I was intrigued is to say nothing... And what about pornography? What do they want to show? ? to It was scary and interesting at the same time! We went down from the second floor to the production workshop where I had been before. We approach my potential workplace, where I have already been, nothing special I have seen there. And then he points to me on the wall on which a decent plasma hangs and says, “Look...”. I raise my eyes... Jooptaaa... There, on the whole screen, a large-scale pair of some meat-eaten madam are watching! Pornography is the most natural. Right in the shop on the wall, wrap up! )) Ancient truth is some kind of porn and babe is as terrible as my life, but still, gently speaking, unexpectedly!



And then I got the DVDs! They are in the press and pressed. What about them? Naturally porn)) And here on this television they’re rotating it all day. Quality of reproduction is checked. No sound, thank God



Three years later he worked there. The first time it was fun to send my wife a selfie with this screen after her question, “How are you doing? If you ask who in our time needs porn on disks, I will say that they were sent to Scandinavia. Denmark, Norway, Sweden and Finland. And quite large titles. Thousands of films. Somewhere 90% of all disc production came from porn!



This is such a story! Now I can boast that I worked in the porn industry! )) By tradition, I apologize for the many letters) Respect, who has read to the end)

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №152022
 30.03.2019
Those who get up early give up in the morning.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №152021
 30.03.2019
Philip Kirkorov arranged a scandal at the funeral of Julia Началова.
He was upset that he was not allowed through the office entrance and had to stand in the crowd.
In response, the organizers politely noted: "This is not your day, Philip Bedrosovich. When it is yours, we will bring it through the office."

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №152020
 30.03.2019
Yulia Tymoshenko went to the bazar and promised:
The salad travels twice.
Buyers are three times cheaper.
The pigs are inviolable

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna