bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 31 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №141782
 30.05.2017
One highly technologically advanced bank from the market leaders sent its spam with invitations to become a customer on the list of contacts of smartphones after installing a mobile app. He treated people as they were on the list of contacts. Very picky situations resulted. "Hello, Balbes, do you want to be our customer?"

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №141781
 30.05.2017
<xxx> You are all idiots!
<yyy> And you are our King.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №141780
 30.05.2017
The Accounting Forum:
It’s good to be a terrorist – you don’t have any accounting or tax reports.
222 How is it? Someone is distributing money. He is reporting up.
333: What is it that he is accounting for? Not in 1C.
444: If you’re in the shell, then Microsoft can be attracted for terrorism.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №141779
 30.05.2017
The Law of Attraction, you say?

Yesterday a man sat by the window in the electric. One of the two opened despite the spirit. I closed the window. In a half empty car. And this despite the fact that the window blows in the opposite direction according to the laws of aerodynamics. And I was very surprised when I opened the window when the shower became unbearable. I began to cough and eat strepsils.
I think he is one of those who are surprised that walking on the sidewalk in the presence of a sidewalk gets angry drivers.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №141778
 30.05.2017
Hurricane in Moscow.
Alexander: we have today next to work, a tree fell on the summer veranda of the cafeteria
Koshem: Pff, here the stops flew away
Koshem: A tree has fallen.
Alexander: It didn’t just fall, it bombed the entire summer veranda, and they just set it up on the weekend.
Koshem: When they said that five floors would be demolished in Moscow, I imagined it differently.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №141777
 30.05.2017
One day my colleagues gently gave me a rat. 30 generations of selection for benevolent behavior. I have had various rodents all my life. There was no such devil before or after. It destroyed any cage, intimidated the cat and entered into a criminal conspiracy with him to steal food. Filming eggs and eating stolen cream with a tail were almost a daily practice. In the hands was reluctant, the guests were bitten by the heels. Demonically sitting on the window (living on the first floor) and frightening passers. Generally speaking, I now better represent the model of domestication. Yes is. It is :)

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №141776
 30.05.2017
The repairman delivered. has arrived. I grabbed the cat (I caught it). I looked over the murdered wall, pulled something, part of the wall fell (then I will take a picture). They talked, he gathered home and said such - happiness, a minute. He goes and masterfully catches the cat that has grabbed from him, glays, kisses his nose.
The Power of Cash! :D

[ + 16 - ] [34 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №141775
 30.05.2017
Why does my lover insist on visiting me?
mm: wants to mark the territory))

[ + 33 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №141774
 30.05.2017
Voyager-vvm: There are many things in the world, friend Horatio, that will be banned in the Russian Federation

[ + 26 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №141773
 30.05.2017
A friend came and complained.
He says our developers are uneducated. We put the monkeys in the tea. He said he was in the elevator. The elevator is slow, there is a crowd of programmers.
During this time she heard 3 decent words: "function", "adapter" and "cache".
We pretended that they could discuss there and said that we supported, joined and even ready to develop.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №141772
 30.05.2017
When I was a kid, tamagochi was very popular. I wanted to have a toy, but I couldn’t afford it. So I sat on the shifts and watched other children play.



During the summer holidays, my mother promised a surprise for the new school year.

“You wanted tamagotchi,” she said when she handed me a red cat. He also needs to be cleaned.



I did not cheat.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №141771
 30.05.2017
Chuck Norris swung his fingers into the socket and killed the electric current.
vanile_joker2: but Chuck has more than 20 victories in combat, with none of the fifths and no defeat.
Sagax: It’s strange that Chuck had to kick his fingers into the socket to kill the electric current.
Komar: In this way, Chuck Norris just gave electricity a chance.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №141770
 30.05.2017
The guy of the type will be deducted 40 thousand each month during the year (480 in the sum, isn’t it), but he can’t resign because he will have to compensate 350 thousand.

Pure mathematically, this is great, however, attention to the question: where to get 350 tires if you quit?
The option is to find a well-paid job" - rather from an alternative reality.
These are harsh laborers.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №141769
 30.05.2017
Mom’s acquaintance retired in a network universe as a cleaner. The cleaner was there alone, and her schedule surprised me. One weekend is Sunday. The vendors worked two by two. It was necessary to go to another city, so when the manager offered to take her documents, she agreed. Over the course of the year, her duties all grew, and the salary was minimal. And she decided to resign, the chief persuaded her for a long time, but she did not go to the excuses, and went to the main office to resign. There she learned that she worked for two for one salary all this year. By state there were 2 cleaners with a schedule of 2 through 2. The second cleaner was the manager.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №141768
 30.05.2017
Alexandre, what happened to your fashionable intriguing gloss?
ZZZ: Give the water.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №141767
 30.05.2017
When a 5-year-old daughter asked me where she came from, I replied that she was in my stomach, and then was born, without any details, but I believe that stories like "aist brought" is not worth telling... She was then at the grandmother's visits, a neighbor came. A neighbor, a neighbor.

Why do you have a big stomach?

I don’t know, I eat a lot.

D: You probably have a little one there, right?

C: Well you, the kids in the cabbage are found, I was found there.

D: Oh, what, my mom gave birth and threw you out in the garden???? to

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №141766
 30.05.2017
In short, either the children are not from me, or British scientists

If British scientists are right, then children should not be "not from you", but "not from her"
So they are on the way neighbors.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №141765
 30.05.2017
Habhaber
"Well, if the conspirators find nothing in the yandex, they can always go crazy!"


[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №141764
 30.05.2017
# phallometry

ххх: Only my abbreviation HSV is associated with the abbreviation MPH?

No, everyone who caught the old Lurk. He established the association. Because the excess of stress there was steadily compared to attempts to measure MPH.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №141763
 30.05.2017
Fuck your mother, how tired you are.

It is important that there is no June after May.

Too cold, too hot. Too few weekends, too many, enough to hike. They celebrate too much and nobody celebrates. Do you feel good at all, Blake? You are in need!

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