bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №150400
 30.05.2018
My point is that I don’t have a car and I tell everyone about it when it’s convenient.

Zzz: This is a male variant of the child frey :)

Tagged: techno

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №150399
 30.05.2018
Q: Did you buy your grandmother’s gum? Are there recommendations?

yyy: the main thing is to take the pump right away, or the mouth will get tired.

Xxx: type dulled, smoked, turned away to sleep?

yyy: ah, and she lies all that swollen, whispering disappointed

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №150398
 30.05.2018
At the time of studenthood, I had to rent an apartment in a panel house with "carton" inter-apartment walls. My bed stood next to the wall shared with the neighbors, and on their side of the wall a man slept. So I used to fall asleep under his measurable stifled snoring, that when suddenly he was not "near" a long sleep did not come. At first, I could not even understand the cause of my insomnia. Fortunately, he was not frequently absent.

I slept with him for a whole year, with my mouthpiece))).

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №150397
 30.05.2018
xxx: I spent last week under a friendly customer "We paid you a lot of money!“”

Then it turned out that some did not pay at all, others paid, but not us, and the third paid, but not a lot.

Yyy: and the fourth left a lot, but not much money.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №150396
 30.05.2018
I put the car near the hypermarket, I haven’t had time to turn off the lighting yet, as a woman parks (almost flying) in front of me on a Mersedes-Benz GT, squeezing onto my parking spot. He sharply opens the door, hits the neighboring KIA car, not even noticing that I was looking at it, closes the car and leaves.

I get a pen and paper to write my contacts under the KIA glass and describe who hit them. And at this moment, a company of 4 women approaches Kia, just as frighteningly opening the doors and touching the mercy.

They were not as upset that I watched it and they left. Thanks, I didn’t write paper.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №150395
 30.05.2018
It was told by a friend of my father who worked as a driver of a crane. The case was many years ago. Their office bought a cheap car crane somewhere in the south of our country and he was assigned the task of moving the equipment to Murmansk. The road passed through Moscow. Further from his words.

And here I go on the MKAD in the right row, on one of the rows is a DPS car and I am indicated with a stick that I must turn into the city. Well, of course, I was surprised and confused, but nothing to do, turned. I don’t know the cities, there were no navigators at the time. But at the next intersection there was another DPS car and I was again indicated where to go. Probably something happened on the ring and trucks are driving around. I had no other options. And so, in all the developments, they showed me the way. When I was once again told where to go, I was very surprised to see the Kremlin. I went to the Manage Square, where the repair was going on and gently say, broke up. And the haishnik pulled me with a stick so that I could enter the square. I stopped and approached him.

Remove the car from the road! Let’s go in!

Did you bring me here?

What does it mean to eat? Here is repair...

So I drove the crane to Murmansk, I was pulled off the ring and brought here. I need to go to Murmansk.

Their mother! Go away from here!

How I will leave. I do not know the city. I will be walking here until morning in Moscow.

Haishnik sat in the car and lively discussed something with someone on the rack.

I’ll go and take the ring.

In the end, I was taken to the ring accompanied by the DPS as a VIP person. This is how I visited the Kremlin on the crane and safely arrived in Murmansk.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №150394
 30.05.2018
We are a web studio, well, and then briefly about the sick. (I will immediately tell the most adequate customers, but they are not interesting to read about.)



Q: Good morning, we are a large legal company, we also deal with accounting. We want to make a website with these functions.

I: Okay, if about such a site will cost X money

Q: We will arrive at 17:00



With a quiet soul, I go to lunch at six o’clock, bring a spoon to my mouth, and there’s a call from the office. “Customers come back to you” Ok, I go back, the main thing is to make a deal. I am met by a man and with him a companion with a pre-prepared unhappy look.



Q: Well what did you say the site will cost X money? (A different example is much more expensive)

I: This site will cost XX money it is more difficult.

K is MDA. You disappointed. Do you have a fee for each?

Do you have all the legal services at the same price?

Q: We may be pleased, but we need to go out and discuss. We go down to the first floor to have a coffee and make a decision.

I: Okay, I’ll wait for you, please – call even if the decision is “no” so I don’t wait for you.

Q: Of course, we are business people. (speaks the client’s companion with an insulted view)



It takes 40 minutes to call the client.

I: Tell me, are you still down?

K: No, we have already gone.

Why didn’t you call me, I’m waiting for you?

Those are the business people :)

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №150393
 30.05.2018
Aist lost a child over the cabbage field, twice offensive, little that he lost, as well as the competitors.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №150392
 30.05.2018
He heard on the radio "bayon" in Kovalchuk's performance about Wikipedia, the Internet and electricity.
I remember a story that happened 20 years ago with one of my acquaintances.

He studied at the Meh-Mate of the Moscow State University and worked as an admin on radio-msu.net. He was inherited with a bunch of unmarked "bands" in them. I had to do an inventory. Tracking where the "strings" were laid was not possible. Therefore, he acted simply: disconnecting them one by one and waiting for who (from which department, from which room) will call and report problems with the network. Having received a "telephonogram" - glued a marking on the cable and turned it back into the port on a swipe. He says many people have called again and thanked for the quick solution to the problem.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №150391
 30.05.2018
If I were to be returned to the morning of the third grade, then the song “Be Beautiful is far from being cruel to me” I would speak louder than ever, and not just silently open my mouth.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №150390
 30.05.2018
He inscribed his 40-year-old friend for the first time to take part in the 10km race. Such an event where you run 10km and you are given a medal for not dying moving from point A to point B, regardless of how long you ran.

A long-time friend, although he is engaged in the sport as a fanatic. After the race, he was unimaginably excited, began to call everyone, telling about his unusual adventure:

- Hi, things are okay, the men entered the race on the tenth (*a rather pathetic intonation)

(I have not heard the question from the other interlocutor, but I can guess it.)

I ran, it was cool!

–...

Yes, some have been overtaken!

–...

No, not for the car.)

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