I went with my husband to his parents. There was talk about the fact that many elderly people put money on their funerals. The husband told his mother that she should not think of putting off money, because there is no need to refuse something and pay for the funeral. She has children who earn well and will find money for the funeral. After a while I went to my parents. My husband talked to my mother again. He says why did you give birth to children, they are weak? He makes a beautiful phrase:

I don’t even have 100,000 rubles to bury you.

Memories of the 21st Century:

1st Give up official marriage. A loving woman does not need a stamp, and you with such anti-male marriage laws - especially.

2nd Don’t connect with a woman who can’t make your life better. The appearance of a woman should benefit you, not her.

Three In the absence of a woman on the horizon who can and wants to make your life better, do not agree to less. Just live for your own pleasure and don’t stumble.

4 is Avoid divorced women with children. They see in men only the solution to their problems. Enjoy free sex and dinners that divorced women are seducing into their networks. But do not hit.

5 is Avoid domestic prostitutes who “love” only for money, status and personal gain. They are no different from ordinary prostitutes and even worse than them. Better ordinary if necessary.

6 is Remember that a “real man” is a trick and an attempt to strike your self-love. Speak confidently and proudly that you are a non-real man. This title is much more prestigious and even more useful.

7 is Learn self-sufficiency and independence. Because we live in the age of “eaters” and it is better for the whole household to learn to do it itself than to try to force a woman to do it. It will be easier and cheaper. Especially in the age of advanced technology.

8 is Don’t pay for sex to ordinary women who don’t work in this profession. This gives you the content and household prostitutes. Remember that you are a man and valuable in yourself. Women also want to fuck. Both of us enjoy sex.

9 is Remember that the main purpose of this life is to get pleasure from it, to realize your goals, to uncover your potential. All the rest is propaganda and manipulation, so that you distract yourself from your goals and devote yourself to the goals of others.

10 is Spend more time alone and learn to enjoy it. Loneliness is an invaluable gift and an opportunity to gain integrity, self-sufficiency and critical thinking.

11 is Take care of your health and longevity. If you lose your health, everything else will no longer make sense. Maintain a healthy lifestyle contrary to the plans of the Pension Fund on your valuable savings.

12 is Do not risk your health and life for the sake of a woman. You may be shaken or killed, and she will forget about your existence the next day.

Thirteen Find a balance between life and work. Learn how to spend money competently, and you will not have to go on two jobs to survive. Remember that work is not life, and life is not work.

14 is Learn to say “no” to things that don’t match your goals, interests, and desires. Your needs are first.

15 is If you don’t want children, be careful. If you want - be morally prepared, that according to the current legislation, you can take them away at any time and replace them with alimony. And don’t forget to always make DNA tests in case of imposing paternity and responsibility on you. Remember that up to 30% of husbands raise, without knowing themselves, other people’s children.

The mentally ill are skillfully disguised as the spiritual rich.

It all started long ago, so long ago that there were still collages. In one of these collective farms, Serega worked in the department on the farm. Although it may not be Serega, but I like the name, so let it be. Serena was a cattle. He owned a farm and a non-standard. So he called him, the bull-producer, named Mishka. Why is it unusual, you ask? Because Mishka weighed six hundred kilograms or more, and among the cows he stood out as a guliver among the lilips. Serena was angry. He was very angry, because Mishka stood on the same bandage as the cows, but at the same time he climbed into the central passage to the half-tubes and prevented Serege from carrying food on the "chassis". Or retreated back when he was carried away with this "chassis", standing up with his feet on the rear floor and preventing him from passing with a scratch. In general, Serega struck Mishko, then the "chassis" is a tractor such as the T-16, then a scraper, then a fork, then a nickname. Mishka bumped, his eyes were filled with blood, but the chain was strong, and Serega was fast. It was so until one day. On that day, or more precisely late in the evening, Serega walked around the farm with a walk, intending to run home after him and what he did not like. He did not understand, but what anxiety filled him from within.
Damn, where is the mouse? Suddenly he understood, where is this unusual bullshit? At that moment, something screamed from behind and Serega turned around. The mouse was in the central passage. The chain was on the floor. - Probably the inseminators did not fix it, - the thought crumbled, but the bull had already beaten with a copper and the eyes were poured with blood. It was possible to run only in one direction, the opposite of the bull and Sereg rushed. The mouse goes too. The chain from behind ringed, a heavy gesture and the same heavy breathing was heard. What speed Serega achieved, it is difficult to judge, but if he were at the Olympics, he would become a prize winner.
“Well, the doors for the ventilation are open – the thought crumbled and Serega broke into the street, not giving any importance to the fact that there is a burial hole filled with hose. Where he sinked. That it was even worse than the bull, who stopped in time, he realized after a few moves, in vain trying to get stuck behind the sliding concrete walls. I will die in shit! He understood when his swollen clothes pulled him down and came to hopelessness. You forgive me! He could only scream. He did not want to leave this life with sins and Mishka approached the edge of the pit, as if listening. Then he shrugged and shrugged his head. And the chain, a long chain hanging from his neck, slipped over the wall of the pit, fell almost into Serege’s hands. He grabbed her like a ants for a rescue puddle, - go, Misha! He broke out. The bull turned back. When Serega pulled out on the passage, the weakened released the chain from his hands, the bull no longer paying attention to him turned and broke to his place.
Since that day, the situation has changed. Mishka, from the "non-standard" was renamed to the "bratan", instead of ticks and beats, was moved away from the passage with smoothies and snacks.
You saved my life, and this is more than my brother! - slapping a bull on a huge tail, sentenced Serega. The trouble came unnoticed.
Soon we will get the meat! said the director. - Star is already a mouse for insemination, and the inseminators say it is time to switch to artificial!
Who is old? Serena, he is in the midst of his strength. Don’t believe, try it yourself. I see it constantly. You know what a manufacturer.
The question is resolved, stop frostbite here. It’s said on the meat mixer, so it’ll go there! I shrugged my lips, said the leader. Probably offended by the invitation to the test. And Serega realized that the excuses were useless and rushed to the central estate.
After sitting next to the secretary beaten for two hours, he still came to the chairman.
You can’t put my mouse on the meat mixer, it’s my brother! He saved me from death! He started from the threshold. The president looked at him incomprehensively. When he found out that Mishka was a bull on the farm, he said:
Brother, not brother, but people need to give money. Actually, he is old already. If you want, buy it. I will give at the acceptance price. There is money? - Sergey changed, he really had no such money.
Can I borrow or pay off? He pleaded, and I will work.
I cannot wait. To be honest, I can, people will not understand, I have to count on the cleaning. So if there is no money, your brother will go to the meat mixer. The conversation is over.
Sergey had only one way out and he took advantage of it.
“It is necessary to pull your brother,” he said, cutting off the chain, “it is necessary to run, they will kiss you! And Mishka answered, suffering with understanding.
They went all night. Fields, slopes, roads were not chosen, there was only a direction. When it was dawn, we stumbled into a village. Serega knocked on the first stumbling booth. A grandmother opened the door.
Do you need a manufacturer? He exhausted Serena.
to me? For whom? - she walked that, dangerously, but looked at Sereg with interest, turning his gaze from head to foot. Heavily breathed and added - I am old for production, but we are full of young people in the village. You are a visible guy.
I’m not asking for myself, for my brother. You need a bull-producer, he kicked his back. The mouse stood not far away.
For whom? → The danger of the grandmother changed to some fear when she looked at Seregine with a whirlwind.
-You understand mother, they want to give him for meat, and he is more than my brother, he saved my life! I offered it for free, and Serega told her story.
Now people will drive the cattle out of the pastures, let’s talk. I would take that the seed is no longer able to cut. They help, we leave. We will need a good producer, a good crop. Not that these local minions that can not jump on the cow.
The people agreed, promising to help the grandmother with seed and combined food.
I will come to you, brother. Saying goodbye to the bull, Serega said. Then the translators went back. To the village they went out, there was another area. That’s fine, Serena thought. But it was not all good. At the farm he was awaited by the local and chief zoo technician.
Where is the bull? They stumbled on.
I will not say. Stay with Serena.
You will go to court. Do you not live at home? Do you want to break in the area? We will find the bull anyway!
I saved my brother, and you do what you want. Look for.
The trial was pretty quick. Under the Soviet rule, the robbers of people's property were not liked. The Attorney Drunk. The lawyer swirled. Serena was silent. And a year and a half of "chemistry" with reimbursement earned full. The judge probably lacked the sausage too.
A year and a half has passed so quickly and so long. But Seregin's term ended and he did not go home, but to that village. He found the grandmother’s house and knocked on the door. Grandma recognized him.
Did you come to see your nephews? She smiled.
What kind of nephews? He has swallowed.
Well, if Mishka is your brother, then they are your nephews. Today there is a herd. And Mishka there and all your relatives. Go look at. Then come and drink tea.

I went to a meeting of classmates, have not seen each other for 30 years... Three hours of drinking, roasting, remembering. Then it turned out they were from another school.