bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №151550
 04.01.2019
As you know, first, the sentences in German are very long, and secondly, the denial is often put at the end - nicht.



And here, therefore, the synchronist translates a lengthy German phrase and suddenly as a shoulder on the head - at the end of "nicht", changing the meaning to the opposite.

The translator stopped for a fraction of a second, and then continued as if nothing had happened:



“You might think. In fact, it is the opposite.”

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №151549
 04.01.2019
The ability to deliver remains only with the sellers.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №151548
 04.01.2019
The story line.
Simple and straight line like the Russian road. Without bite and bite. New Year and short.

My husband decided to get married before the New Year. Right on December 31. A colleague, to be clear, is an engineer and chief engineer of an enterprise engaged in the border of the devil on the horns, in the taiga, the tundra and other forest steppes with burans, meltings and frosts up to eternal frost in the field conditions of construction towns.

If my colleagues decide something, they will definitely drink, as Vladimir Semenovich sang. And their approach is thorough and thorough. Therefore, when deciding to get married, they first agree with the future bride. Because a wedding without a bride is nonsense and the limit of tolerance. The friend was called Lehoy, and the bride was Yulka. No, they are still called so, although I am not sure about this, because all coincidences are fictional, the fiction is accidental, and the imagination is rich.

And here Leha agreed with Yulka about the fact of marriage about a year. After six months, they agreed on the date of the wedding and also agreed. We agreed with all the parents and guests. Such dates must be agreed in advance, because there are very few people free on December 31. Especially if you want to call a snowflake, you need to do so in advance. Or invite friends. But Yulke and Lehe succeeded. That is Yulia. Because Leha and Yulka agreed, and then dropped on his favorite job to raise money. Restaurant, hotel for guests and transportation. The dress finally with the costume, not in ounces of the same Lehe to marry a sweater. The palace was still rented in Moscow for the exit ceremony. At that time, it was difficult to impossible. After Romanov rented in Peter, the strictness began across the country.

It’s twenty-nine, when it’s all on the table. Yulka, you can say in Moscow, the last shoes to fatten, Leha gathered from his tundra from the underwater crossing closer to the big airport to move forward. There are first deer in the form of an all-roadside, then a helicopter, then to some large Chelyabinsk-Ufa-Yekaterinburg by a special flight with a watch, then to the capital. Or at least somewhere. And here Leha came for the last time to the site, where the excavator of frozen ice was cheering in a fun bowl near the shore of the northern river. See the latest instructions to give, purely to calm your nerves.

He went and took the ice and failed. Four hundred Hitachi slowly under the ice with the excavator. Whoever is there, whoever is there, whoever is there, and whoever is there, whoever is there, whoever is there. Unfortunately by the way. I wanted to drag the excavator through the upper lock. In winter clothes, a man can't get out of the hole by himself. In normal circumstances. And from fear of drowning, he is quite himself with a whisper. And while Lecha dropped his jacket on the pieces of ice, water and hose onto the roof, the mechanic was already sitting there, waiting for the roof to equal with the water, so that it would be more convenient to run. Everything ended well, only washed out both, and Lehe could not climb as it turned out.

And then Lech the Thirty, after swimming, arrived on the translated deer to civilization, to the central office of the Ural office, changed his clothes and lay in his rest room on the couch in front of the plane for half an hour to kiss. A little tired. and slept. He told two friends that he would rest a little, asked to wake up, not trusting the alarm, and fell asleep. He dreamed of an Achilles. First, that he was late for the wedding, and second, that he and Yulka divorced. And a lot more, not so much remembered.

When he woke up he knew where. Somewhere in a completely unfamiliar place. And I realized that I was very late, because I fell asleep in the evening, and I woke up in the afternoon, in the window was clearly the thirty-first of December, along with the winter noon sun.

And here he enters the room, and where the room Leha has not yet understood, but already realized that his own wedding has already walked, or is about to walk, one of his friends, whom he asked instead of the alarm clock to work appears in front of Leha's eyes. Well, and accordingly, he hears what the alarm clock usually hears, guilty of the owner being late to work. That is, nothing good, but just lucky that it was not thrown on the wall or thrown out the window.

And here Yulka at a friend from behind the back looks, embarrassedly smiling. And Leha understands that even if it is late, it is somehow not definitive. Especially in the white. This is not a dress, but a dress. And a friend in a hospital coat and a bunch of people in the room went in white too.

This may not have been the first wedding in this hospital where Leha had a severe pneumonia, but at the time it was the happiest. How for the remaining 24 hours of Lechina friends managed to fly for Yulka, to organize a flight of guests from Moscow to the Ural, as agreed with the ZAGS, hospital, hotels and restaurants they themselves do not remember or simply do not tell. Also a kind of uncertainty. It is not important. Tomorrow, fifteen years after the event, and by the thirty-first, they still didn’t have time. But by January 1st... And believe me, no, no one had to persuade for a long time.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №151547
 04.01.2019
The president explained why people in Russia live well, but they are bad.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №151546
 04.01.2019
My friend stopped smoking in this way: he graduated from the military, went to the special forces, and then to Chechnya, in 2002. I smoked the course from the fourth, there was nothing to do, so one day, at the block-post, a summer evening, I went to the fresh air to lift up... By that time, the active phase of the fighting in the republic was already behind, but the mountains were still run by the unbeaten militants. So here: the Chechen sniper saw a fire, targeted, made a discount on the wind or as they call it there, and burned a little lower. The guy saved only that the sniper was sitting far away; the bullet broke through the armor and stuck in the chest muscle, the heart was not enough a couple of centimeters. But he smoked for his whole life, no longer pulling.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №151545
 04.01.2019
I had a client. He came on the issue of alimony in his favor with his daughter.

In general, he has two children - a son from the first marriage, where he left, when the son was quite young, and a daughter from the second marriage. The son, as he left the family, no longer saw, the ex-wife did not even pay for alimony. And maybe, but the FSF once again did not work.

And in the second family, where the daughter lived, with a break in two seats. My wife died of cancer. Where the daughter - has no idea, does not communicate with her.

Many years later, he found his father. Why I was looking for it is unclear. Per in the eyes wanted to say what kind of cattle he was, maybe with the opposite goals. The fact is that the son, seeing how the father lives, in poverty and misery, ran to the store, bought a bottle of vodka, crackers, sat down, talked. My son is well, his family is well, his children are well. For several years, he has been periodically travelling, bringing foods and helping with money.

And the daughter, Pascuada Etaka, abandoned her father. He sits somewhere and doesn’t remember.

He ended the story with the words: yet what a good son I have raised! The man!

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna