bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №141026
 04.05.2017
The vacation.
“There are people with a high degree of stress resistance.
Knowledge of the computer, the ability to quickly search for information in the database. Payment is timely. The premiums are paid with additional pension points. Place of work: International airports. Together with the officers to control the departure overseas of self-employed citizens, quickly check whether all of them paid contributions to the Russian Federation.

Test task: within one working day to obtain the necessary documents in the district clinic, bankroll, post office and the office of Rostelecom.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №141025
 04.05.2017

Noah not so.
Meaning so

Grandma has already grown old and learned - the rescue of the drowning work of the drowning hands themselves.

Where do you hide these grandmothers from me??? I ride the metro every day. at different times. There are no grandmothers. All of my grandmothers are on land transport. No one knocks on the door in principle.

And the grandmothers in the subway ride, and the doors flying in front of them all hold, except for the single bastards.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №141024
 04.05.2017
To this: typically, if a woman has slept once with a Negro, then even from another partner the Negro may be born.)
I’m glad you’re not a cucumbers!

It is all very right. Vulva remembers that she is being pissed. That’s why so many Gondons are around.

[ + 34 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №141023
 04.05.2017
XXX is about changing the taste. Thro the second pregnancy I ate dry cat food, I thought it was offgenically delicious.
YYY is my man! I thought with food alone I was so stupid...

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №141022
 04.05.2017
That is what I thought. I will have a child. I hold him in my hands. What should I do with him further?
If not, place it where it took it.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №141021
 04.05.2017
from JJ:
Curious museums
May 4th, 2017 at 12:00 PM

From the inventory cards (scientific description of the exhibition):

and photo. Head - anfas, legs in profile.
The Postcard. A broken grave awaiting Leo Tolstoy.
A book in Chilean.
The book. The cover depicts a dull man leading a cow against the backdrop of the sunset.
The Postcard. A child depicted by capital.
Object of household. The closet from the house of Shemiotov, where Mickiewicz lived.
The poster. Sketch of the member of YUGOLEFA N. Sokolov with indication of size.
The book. The cover depicts a naked man with a spacecraft in his hands.
Object of household. The undercover horse. The twentieth century. of Ukraine. The storage place hangs above the entrance.
The book. On the cover are depicted fugitive and dying fascists.

From the label under the exhibition:
“The photo. Coffee with the dog. The dog on the left.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №141020
 04.05.2017
U.S. activist threatens up to a year in prison for laughing at congressional hearings

That’s what I understand as democracy, not hummingbirds.

[ + 34 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №141019
 04.05.2017
xxx: I was looking for an electric circuit for a single device, the first link from Google led me to the site, where I was immediately met with a greeting in the spirit: "Dear visitor, glad to welcome you, bla bla bla and again bla. We have found that you are using an ad blocker, and since our site is only due to advertising and exists, a compelling request to disable it to enable the full use of our site. There is not much advertising ". Well, okay, I thought, I turn off the block, update the page, immediately out of the columns came a man: "Your best friend leads you down at the most inappropriate moment? The remedy for potency "Vanka-Rest"! Be a man!" The whole office came over to me.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №141018
 04.05.2017
xxx: Pizzetz we are fairy cockroaches :) The vodka is over, I was sent for beer like the drunk. Selling after 11 is prohibited, but it didn’t bother anyone. As a result, I bought a non-alcoholic, and only realized it in the morning :)

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №141017
 04.05.2017
Just watched live the St. Petersburg first of May... Details - right behind the column with the slogan "Russia will be free" a crowd of car orders were driving.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №141016
 04.05.2017
Swedish scientists have created a camera capable of taking at a frequency equivalent to five trillion images per second

Commentary
...
Finally, there will be an opportunity to capture where the salary goes and how the weekends go.

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №141015
 04.05.2017
A young Spanish woman sued her parents for refusing to provide her. The mother and father insisted that the adult daughter could make a living for herself.

The 23-year-old believed that her parents were obliged to keep her constantly, but her father and mother did not like the idea. After several family troubles, the girl filed against her parents in court, writes the portal «Dni.ru». During the trial it turned out that the girl was extremely lazy - she did not want to attend any courses and did not delay in one job for more than a year.

The parents were tired of pulling the carry on the maintenance of an adult and healthy daughter, as stated in court.

In the end, the court lost.

[ + 16 - ] Comment quote №141014
 04.05.2017
In the "Patriot" park next to the Reichstag layout is erected a five-story layout, which on May 9 will be destroyed by Sergei Sobyanin.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №141013
 04.05.2017
The English finally reappeared in September 1855. To explain that they carry the light of European culture and enlightenment, they robbed a church standing on a separate island - took out the icons and all the utensils, and even ripped a cup (!) The gifts of the believers. Very surprisingly, but the monks and after that did not permeate the love of Europe.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №141012
 04.05.2017
and accurate.

Parents for young children are needed.
And when the little ones grow up, let them give them freedom.

The parents?

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №141011
 04.05.2017
Blindly

Lawyers, by the way, are not specialists, but just lovers of talking for money.
and diagnostics doctors. The teacher. The sports coaches. The dietologists.
And in general, any profession where the activity of a person is reduced to the issue of any information, not a product.

Around the other side (

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №141010
 04.05.2017
Just yesterday, my wife and I were looking at the falling stars and asked if she had noticed that they had grown more recently. In short, I convinced her that in space fucking presses into tanks of 100kg, drops from mx / shuttles and burns in the atmosphere.

YYYY: And you, Msj, take care of the romance.

[ + 35 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №141009
 04.05.2017
XXX: My parents have returned from Tuva. somehow. All roads are slow. One crossing could not overcome - we had to stay overnight and wait for the snow to clear up.

XXX: I told you in more detail. No one could move through the crossing, because the road was flanked by Kamaz, who could not climb the mountain (despite the chain on the wheels).

Desperate, they decided to go back. On the way back, the parents met a snow cleaner who did not even try to go to the mountain. Because on the order of the boss he has already had time to change to the summer tire.
Snow cleaner on summer tyres. Not to defeat us.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №141008
 04.05.2017
From the news: Stretch females pretend to be dead to avoid mating.



Is that just stress?

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №141007
 04.05.2017
Martha’s story of political information reminded me. It was either in the late 1970s or early 1980s.

My mother worked as an English and French language teacher at the school for many years. Part of the work was to give open lessons during which came other teachers, Gorono, and all sorts of observers. Work and stress are many, and pleasure, especially for the teacher, is little. Naturally, for such lessons prepared a special program, all students trained what to say, how to respond, etc. They showed, of course, “but the party said it was necessary, the people answered eating.”

Part of this showcase was that all the students wiped out a few sentences from a text and announced their portion to the teacher, the class, and the observers. Everything would be fine, but only the students in the class were different, somebody's foreign language is easier, somebody's harder, and somebody's not at all. There was one student in her class, Vasya. This was Vasya, so to say, difficult educated. No, he wasn’t a young man, he and Russian were hard-to-do, and here in English you need to say something. His mother trained him, rehearsed with him, as if even achieved some success. At least after considerable effort, he put out a few sentences, and no more was required from him for an open lesson.

Lessons are coming, everything is clear. Students chew their text from their teeth, the mother is happy, the students are on the rise, Gorono gently kicks, the director of the school is happy, everyone is well. And then comes the matter to Vas. He stands up, opens his mouth and silence... He completely forgets the text... And he just pulls out the paper and reads his part of the text in front of everyone. It does not seem, of course, very much, because it is clear that one student, so to speak, is not at the level.

And here comes one of the inspectors from the top. The opposite aunt is like that, all the teachers and directors from her examinations stood out. Of course, she did not miss that moment. He stands up and says a stunningly edgy tone "And what is it you have here all in English the text is announced, and he (on yours shows) on paper. Is he behind you? The disorder.”

It was an unpleasant pause, but my mother didn’t even have time to answer. Vasya jumps up and answers loudly, "And I saw that Leonid Ilyich himself reads the texts from the paper. And I can’t do anything?”

GORONO had no more questions and the lesson passed on “oura.”

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna