Sometimes you need to be very different to introduce a rule after your actions. The guys on Reddit shared their outings, and I chose the most interesting and translated for you. A pleasant reading!



1st In high school we had a drug project, and we had to prepare a presentation about a drug. It was also necessary to briefly tell about where and how it is produced (well there, grown or in the factory). But I was a little misunderstood how detailed this part needs to be revealed. In short, I spent almost an hour telling first-class students in detail how to make black heroin, supplementing my story with a presentation in PowerPoint. After my speech, they removed this task from the project.



2nd We had an unlimited coffee for employees at work. I worked for 3 weeks and a sign appeared near the coffee maker stating that one employee should not have more than 3 cups of coffee a day. P.S At the time, I was stuck, so I could only drink coffee. I drank 8 to 12 cups a day.



Three “From now on, men are allowed to wear business shorts in the office.” It was previously forbidden to come in shorts, but nothing was said about shirts. I had to come to the kitten one day and the rules changed immediately.



4 is When I was 12, I discovered the charms of masturbation. And like all the boys of that age, once I tried, I decided not to stop and trembled as soon as the opportunity appeared. One day, my father took me and my sisters to a hotel with a jacuzzi pool that was accessible directly from our room. It was already quite late, about 23 hours, shorter close to closing. I was sitting alone in the jacuzzi, all the curtains were stuck. And I thought - the perfect place and time to swing.  When I finished, I saw a hotel employee approach the pool, and he calmly asked me to return to the room because the pool was already closed. I left hoping I wasn’t caught in what I was doing. The next day, the jacuzzi was closed because a child supposedly sneezed in it and now there was a sink (no, it could have happened in principle, but I knew it could also be my fault). Somewhere after 1-2 months we stopped at the same hotel again and I found that the list of rules was added: "Don't masturbate in the jacuzzi." The fact is that the 12-year-old didn’t think I could have surveillance cameras in the pool, so yes... it was very uncomfortable.



5 is  In the vineyard where we celebrated our wedding, we are no longer allowed to celebrate weddings.



6 is “Students are prohibited from organizing, advertising, playing, watching or otherwise participating in any form of rammi (*card game), blackjack, Texas holdem, 5/7 card ctade (*stad - a type of poker), пай goo (*also a type of poker) or poker during the lunch break. Poker chips and cards are prohibited in school unless required for specific, pre-approved events or projects. Violation of this rule may result in exclusion and application to law enforcement for illegal gambling. “It was in high school, decades ago. Our first (and last) annual Texas Hold’em tournament, presented at Jr’s Bait Shop, was a stunning success.



7 is  In the library appeared a sign that states what is allowed and what is forbidden to do on the computer. And all because I enviously persistently restarted the comps of noisy children.



8 is Students were forbidden to jump out of the windows. 



9 is In my past job, I was crumbling indicators, and I was threatened that I should be stressed or I would be fired. But from my point of view, under the current procedure, the indicators requested could not be achieved. It turned out that I was right. Everyone agreed with me, but no one decided to make an offer. People simply continued to do as they did, then they simply adjusted the results of the system records, which created the appearance of the effectiveness of the working rules. I decided, fucking, that I would be fired anyway. And I documented everything I did in my own way, in the smallest details, and this proved: my option significantly accelerates the process. Eventually, I was set on fire, I provided my work, as well as evidence that the rest of the staff were engaged in the snooping. As a result, I was asked to clean up the processes in the entire department, I found numerous shortcomings and loss of efficiency in the processes that we implemented earlier, in order to speed up everything in times. I was also appointed to be responsible in a special "curator" department, which was not covered by the rules. We were given a blank card to fulfill our high priority tasks. Eventually I moved to another unit, but my method still works.



10 is  When I was in the 4th grade, we had a museum of wax figures in our school. We dressed like historical figures and performed with a presentation. My friend got to be Harry Houdini and he had bracelets. Since we’ve been there for decades, we’ve decided to binge and my friend has chopped the bracelets on me. And it was not a cheap plastic scarf, but real metal bracelets. In short, I got stuck, and three people tried to free me with a pumpkin knife. My sister later said that when they had this event, the use of handcuffs was banned. Thank you, Nathan, for arresting me then.



11 is Don’t sing “Bohemian Rhapsody” while working with a swab. The rule was born in public works.



12 is It is forbidden to bring tarantules to school.



Thirteen When I was in elementary school (class 2nd) I wanted to go to the toilet, but I was in a music class and the teacher sang under the guitar. But I still decided to approach her and go to the toilet, she was somehow upset. And from that moment on, she constantly reminded us not to go to the toilet while she was singing. I just didn’t want to get rid of it, lady.

You can’t wipe a person’s feet and wait for him to wipe your tears.

© Dmitry Sviridov

Postal Marks That Were Not In The Catalog

When I was a child, there were postcards in almost every home. These times were late in the summer, and now there is only one philatelist among the acquaintances. But what! If Tartakovsky from the Odessa Stories of Isaac Babel was called "a half Jedi", then Edik can safely be called "a half philatelist".

It can be a long story about him, but I will limit myself to one fact from his difficult life. He refused to go to Germany with his wife and children, because “Russian and Soviet marks are not needed there.” Since then, he has lived alone behind the massive steel doors of his Donetsk apartment. We talk to him via Skype several times a year. I call to see if he is alive or not. He calls when something is needed.

Last time I called a week ago. He urged me to send a thousand dollars. He said he would return two and a half in three months.
“Why do they ask you, I ask, to buy back from the chakras?
"No," he says, "there is a possibility to take two sheets of the 69-year Brežnev marks. No one knows exactly how much they are worth, but a thousand is iron. One sheet I will keep for myself, another I will sell in Moscow for five, and we will divide them in half.
Seven and a half thousand to you and a half to me is half? And I risk the money.
Okay, let you have two. And then I risk my life. It’s me going through the blockposts.
After five minutes, we gathered for two and a half and, having finished the earthly, moved to the highest:
What is the Brežnev Mark? I have never heard of such.
I could never hear. This brand is not even in the catalogue.
It does not happen.
It happens. Listen to here! Leonid Ilyich met with front friends twice a year. Not for the picture on TV, but for myself. Once, one of his friends complained that he had written a letter to the address: “Moscow, the Kremlin, L. I. Brezhnev personally,” and the answer did not come. Brežnev instructed the secretary to find out. The next day, the secretary that among the thousands of letters sent to the Secretary-General, one could have been lost. Therefore, for private correspondence, Leonid Ilyich will have a special address consisting only of a postal code and a box number. Like a defense factory. No names, no names. The new address will be notified to all persons on the list of friends. The reverse address of Leonid Ilyich will also not look so noticeable. Brejnev liked the idea and he even developed it: he asked to print a stamp with his portrait, so that it was immediately clear from whom the letter.

Why is the envelope not ready?
I have no idea. Probably forgot that there are such... So, the mark was printed in a printing of not 500, not 1000 copies. Since then, Leonid Ilyich on every personal letter pleased to paste "his" mark, sealed it and passed it to the secretary. The ordinary mail, of course, did not go. The address was delivered by the KGBeshnik and transferred to the opening and reading. After reading, it was removed under a signature on non-disclosure, sealed in a special package and sent to the archive. There these letters lie to this day... along with the marks. Cute philatelists know about them, but no one has them.

Where did they sail from?
“These two blocks of 10 marks were taken by an officer who commanded the cleaning of the Brezhnev cabinet after his death. He thought it was ordinary marks and took it for his son. His son did not like them, and he changed them with his classmate. In the summer, the classmate was sent to Mariupol to his grandfather - a philatelist, he took with him the marks he collected for the year. Grandfather was a small collector, but like any Greek, he had a good smell and developed sense of danger. In short, the brands, which did not appear in the catalogue, he took from his grandson and told only a few friends about the finding. I know this story from one of them, the earth is puffy to him. My grandfather died this spring, he was almost 100 years old. The heirs for the entire collection want a thousand dollars. The rest is probably rubbish, but this is a case where it is not worth negotiating.

How do you know they are not fake?
Paper, stamp, glue and toothpaste. A brand is a product of technology, everything must correspond to time and place. I am an expert in this. According to the story, this is a colorful vinyl portrait. In the photo I received it was exactly like that.
Can you take a photo of me?
“Simply,” said Edick and dropped off.

After two days of reflection, I was almost ready to risk my blood. Anyway, the extra money has not bothered anyone. The matter was small: something in the picture confused me, but what exactly I could not understand. On the third day I woke up in the middle of the night, opened Wiki’s article “Brezhev’s Prizes” and read that “Serp and Hammer” he received in 1961, the first “Golden Star” – in 1966, and the second – even ten years later in 1976. So, I said to myself, the third star on the 1969 mark can not be, somebody pairs a foul, my affair is on the side. With a light movement, he dropped a heavy load of doubts from his shoulders and instantly fell asleep.

Before, when I was told that Soviet education was the best in the world, I began to argue. Now I will be silent. I will not tell you that the knowledge of Brejnev’s biography, obtained not only for free, but also largely forcibly, can save you a thousand full-weight U.S. dollars. No one will believe it anyway.

P.S Gentlemen of Philadelphia! Specifically for you I posted the image of the “brand” at https://abrp722.livejournal.com/ in my Live Journal. You can go there, you can just press “Source”. You will also be offered the Brezhnevskaya-69.

Judging by Miller’s and Sechin’s salaries, only these two thought giants have the secret of extracting oil and gas from Russian subsoil. Disappear tomorrow these two titans, and with them this sacred knowledge will be lost forever.

I got my ears sick on vacation. They were put on the plane. A few weeks of treatment and this morning the hearing returned to me. As my body gradually got used to this condition, my hearing worsened. The alarm ringed louder than ever. In the car I heard a suspicious noise, people around were talking too loud, and I felt some discomfort from all this. And I remembered the story that happened to my fellow man many years ago.

At the end of the winter, Olya gradually began to lose hearing. Every day it got worse. In May, she had already re-written all of my lectures, because she just didn’t hear the lectures. And the conversation on the phone consisted of the phrases: A? Could it be louder?

Eventually, Olya enrolled with an otolaryngologist on Friday, after school.

On Monday, Olya all the first couple chews and rubs her eyes. Did you walk well yesterday? And here she tells:

“I went to the doctor on Friday, I complain that I don’t hear anything. He slips into my ear with some instrument and I feel, he begins to pull something out. I panicked that he found it in my ear. He also pulled into the second ladder. From there it pulls! and all. I hear. I hear it!! The doctor asks me: - and how long have you been walking with tampons in your ears? Judging by their condition for several months. And here it comes to me. On the winter holidays I went to visit my grandmother, where I fell ill. The temperature is high, the throat hurts and the ears start shooting. My grandmother called me. The doctor put something in my ears, told me to take it out in the evening. I took out the cotton, which was on top, and the turundos themselves with the medicine were there. I’ve been with them for almost half a year.

We laughed a long time. The joke happened.

Doctor, I hear badly.

Did you try to remove the watt from your ears?

I ask :

Why did you not sleep? Return of hearing?

No is no! Just now I hear so well that I can't sleep, then the water drops from the crane, then the neighbors on top walk. You just don’t know how the pigeons fall!