Drunk driving on a motorcycle:

I think riding a motorcycle drunk is dangerous.
WOW: What are you? Are you driving sober? There are 300 kg of weight, 2 wheels and 200 horses! I am sober, even scared to approach him!and 😉

The cinema. A surrogate movie.
Men among themselves:
He doesn’t look like Bruce Willis.
YYYYYYYYYYYYY Ten minutes have passed and he hasn’t killed anyone yet.

A real case from my life that happened to me and my girlfriend (ex): She’s standing in the bathroom. I approach her from behind, embrace her and kiss her in the neck with the words:
I’ll eat you now :)
She: :))))) aaaa...wolf :))))) Type - "I am a wicked and terrible gray wolf - I know about pigs"? It is :)
She said, “Is that what happens?” I am a pig, what? Here are the pirates!!!! to
I: O_O

And in the first halve I managed to fall out of the train on the way to the station, after which I did not find what to do there and no longer played.

Young people, never, hear, never do cunnilingus to a girl immediately after brushing her teeth with menthol toothpaste!

When I put a lightning on a child’s jacket, I say, “Rise your head, sunshine.”
Judging by the top, all mothers are angry.

Saint (11:50:39 5/10/2009)
Your brother is sitting at work like a sleeping fly)))
Brother (11:51:05 5/10/2009)
Why is?
Saint (11:51:22 5/10/2009)
Go to bed at 3 p.m.
Brother (11:52:07 5/10/2009)
Clearly what her name is.
Saint (11:52:46 5/10/2009)
Resident Evil 4

There was a conversation with a young couple.

Oh my dear, I will prepare dinner.
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
I don’t want sweets (
YYY O_O

Anesthesia for the lonely. When you read the best, it seems like he is talking to you.

How long do you work?

Up to old age)

A good drunk is when you have something to remember, but you don’t remember anything.

I work in a media market, an elderly person comes and says that the disk doesn’t work, well my answer on the logic of things let’s check...I take a box with the disk, I open and I am terrified, the disk is cut in the shape of a square, it turned out that he didn’t have a CD-ROM and he decided to insert it into the flop, everything happens but whatever...

It turns out that even a lead debris will drown in mercury. There is no need to explode on uranium.

Only the Russian man sleeps, sitting in the subway and holding a half-liter bowl of energy in his hands, occasionally waking up, crawling out of the bowl, and continuing to fall asleep.

What a dream he has...

You must live in such a way that you are remembered and fools.
No, you must live in such a way that the last thing that the foxes remember is you.

to this

Not people, it's about winter, I suggest wearing bright green hats with bumps, if we don't get acquainted, so at least break)

Kyle is you? O_O

Do you have something that touches and does not touch?
Oh my socks.

There was a friend in the guests, so he called the sanitary technicians, such as why there is no hot water in the dishwasher (he has a shower in the bathroom, a bead, a dishwasher and a toilet). Well, the sanitary workers (three) came, crashed into the bathroom, and we with them. We opened the door and looked at the tubes. There are four blue valves and three red ones. Further talk: D-friend, C-santechnics
D: Oh, look, there are three red valves, that’s why there’s no hot water in the dishwasher!
(Further, three pairs of sanitary eyes look at him at the focus for 5 seconds)
Q: Do you have hot water in the toilet?
D (not confused): I love, you know, to dig into hot water! Rush did not last long.

Congratulations on the double!!! to
Roy: I’d rather be sorry :)
Children are the flowers of life!!! to
Roy: Oh fucking, two nails

The King (19:45:15 4/09/2009)
you found yourself in the middle of the desert, go to the bitterest settlement for 3 days, there is no connection, but there is water and food, that is, all 3 days there will be neither thirst nor hunger, next to you lies a single slice of 200 kilograms of gold, cut off from it part is not possible, and you know that it can easily be carried by sand, there are no identification signs nearby. Your actions?

The King (20:01:13 4/09/2009)
Are you here?

mi K$ e® (20:01:29 4/09/2009)
I think :D

The King (20:01:32 4/09/2009)
Does greed not allow you to just get out of the desert and live on?